It's What You Do That Defines You

Sometimes, you do something really stupid and ages later you realize what a fucking idiot you are.

In Batman Begins, Rachel says to Bruce, "It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you", and then Bruce throws it back at her in time.

Ages ago, I banished from my life a very special friend just because I didn't find him next to me a few times I had wanted him to be.

Looking back now, there could have been so many genuine reasons for his not being there. He could have had to be in another place, with another person for so many reasons - none of which he really had to share with me, when you think about it. He didn't sign his entire social life over to me, but one of my faults is expecting too much from the people I love and he became a victim of just that.

I didn't stop to ask myself who it was that took me for drives way back when I had neither car or license? Who was it that I saw 'Dil Chahta Hai' with for the first time and then had such crazy times listening to 'Woh larki Hai Kahan' in his car on full volume while driving down Shahrah-e-Faisal. How many nights did we spend on the supr-tiny dacne floor of A&W's with Annand Kash and Zeeshy ... playing the stupidest of songs on the jukebox? How many root beer floats did we share? Who took me to Gelatto Affair at an unearthly hour on my birthday because I felt like ice cream and who bought me a birthday cake and even put the right number of candles on it? Who came with a doctor in the middle of one night when ammi wasn't feeling well at all? Who picked me up at the airport and also dropped me off so many times? Who was my bodyguard at crazy Junoon concerts - protectively creating a 'No Entry' zone around me?

Fine, I moved to Dubai and when I came back to Karachi, he should have made more time for me, but so what if he didn't? As I said, he hadn't signed his entire social life off to me.

I accused him of being callous and insensitive - of taking me for granted. I told him to grow up and stop chasing girls. I told him to act more responsible. I told him that I didn't want to be friends with him anymore.

And then we weren't. He never challenged me and never lashed back at me. He just quietly disappeared from my life.

Until a few minutes ago.

I was checking Karachi Metblogs for updates on the earthquake relief efforts and there he was. It was an entry about a medical team in Batgram. And there he was with a mask on his face ... examining a wounded man lying infront of him. I read that his team was the first to reach that area.

And that's how life slapped my accusations back at me.

I didn't take the time to see it, but time itself showed me that what my friend is doing is what defines him. He's not the immature, callous person I accused him of being. He's not out chasing girls right now, or worrying about buying the latest cellphone. He's fulfilling his responsibility as a medical student and is helping people in need.

And here I am twiddling my thumbs in an airconditioned office - thinking that somehow keeping abreast of thel atest is me playing a part enough in this whole thing. It's me that needs to come down the ivory tower - not him.

I'm sorry F. - I was wrong. So wrong. I hope we can be friends again.