Customer Service?

(Note: This is an old email I found in my Outlook Sent folder, and I think - for lack of new material - it warrants posting on my blog. It was written to 7 Days and as usual, they didn't print it because it mentioned one of their regulars advertisers.)

Seriously … what is it with Dubai and customer service ... or the total LACK of it, to be precise?!! One weekend and three serious arguments with Dubai-standard – whoops – bog-standard - customer service.

I take my out-of-town guests to lunch. At the end of the meal, I whip out my credit card. The waitress returns with it after a few minutes (and herein lies a gripe within a gripe) she flicks it onto the table (Hello miss, mind your manners ... we are PAYING guests and your are WAITING STAFF!).

“There is no money in your card, “ she taunts.

And when you have a 30,000 credit limit on your card with no major purchases ever made, that’s a bit alarming.

So I call my bank (Mashreq Bank, if 7Days dares to print the name, which it probably won’t!) and after about ten minutes I get through to an agent who tells me that “this is not the bank’s fault” and that the Mastercard system has been experiencing a problem for the last few hours. No one knows how long it will be before the problem is resolved, because – obviously – the call centre agent has no idea about anything and his supervisor is off somewhere hiding from furious customers.

My question to Mashreq Bank: when you can send me SPAM SMS advertising your new credit card/loan offers and other useless crap like that, who oh why can’t you send me an SMS saying “The Mastercard system is experiencing technical difficulties, please do not use your card for the next four hours. Use cash”?!!

I know why.

Because you are stupid beyond comprehension.

We don't need no stinkin' badges!!!

The internet is wierd. WIERD I tells ya!

We're currently suffering an IT Audit at the Crazy Headquarters. Which basically means we have to not download any random programs from the internet for a few days (which we're not supposed to anyway, but can we PLEASE listen just for a FEW days) and we're supposed to actually log in our requests with the IT department's online request system instead of walking into the IT room and grabbing the closest guy and demand he "HELP ME NOW NOW NOW!" (which we're not supposed to do either, but which is far far more effective than logging a a request and then tracking it. Some light flirting helps as well - as does wearing a skirt - seeing as all the IT guys are, well, guys).

AND we're supposed to wear our ID badges.

When Ate told me I have to wear my ID badge during the audit period, my automatic response was "Badges! I don't need no Stinkin' Badges!" and immediately collapsed into a fit of laughter.

Only thing is .. after about ten seconds I had to stop because:

a) It wasn't turning into the co-conpiratorial laugh that situations like these tend to turn into around the Crazy Headquarters.
b) Ate and Kaju were begining to look like they thought I had lost the plot

Which only meant one thing:

They had no idea what "stinkin' badges" was all about.

*GASP*

The thought of it.

I wrang them by their necks, shook them by their shoulders, but T H E Y H A D N O C L U E.

So I quickly Googled it. Mother of all cures. And up pops http://www.darryl.com/badges/

The self proclaimed "primary Internet resource for references to 'Stinking Badges. " LOL

That's what I mean when I say the internet is W E I R D.

Now go to the link and amuse thyselves by listening to various audio clips of people telling other people that they don't "need no Stinkin' Badges!".

LOL. I love the internet.

Ten Things I Love About You ...

10. When I'm with you, I can let my hair down and be this totally fun, totally crazy chick.
9. You have held me and hugged me when I needed it the most ... when I felt I didn't have anyone else to hold me and hug me.
8. I can count on you to help me do what I need help in getting done.
7. You're my crazy accomplice, gossip/lunch buddy and at the same time, you can put on a work face to match that business suit and we can talk actual business when we need to.
6. Were it not for you, I would not be able (would not want to even!) to lookforward to sitting ar the same desk, upwards of eight hours a day, five days a week.
5. You tell me "you love me, you love me!!" in tweety bird voices! LOL
4. You make the most mundane of moments into 'memories'.
3. There is never EVER a boring moment when I am with you.
2. That's it.
1. I can only be so eloquent :)

Right now, I am sending out a lot of love to my team here at work. Crazy Luni with her curly hair and designer hadnbag fetish. Equally crazy Ate with her endearing little insecurities and her 'mother hen' instincts. Calm and collected Kaju, who us girls have totally converted and who now knows all about blowdries, manicures and Louis Vuitton. Marwan - the ex-army guy - who still hasn't been able to shake his formal demeanour and doesn't quite know what to make of this flock of super-hyper, super-shrill females. And finally 3nood who can be our partner in crime despite looking (and for the most part, acting) like she would be the last person on earth to -well - play any part in how we spend our office hours.

Take the crazy lunch ordering ordeal today.

Safa walks in and asks for a Chilli's menu. No one listens, so she starts screaming.

Safa: DOES ANYONE HAVE A CHILLI'S MENU?!!!!
BPC: Why?
Safa: Becasue I want pizza for lunch. We should all have pizza for lunch.
BPC: But Chilli's doesn't do pizza.
Safa: I know. I just want Pizza Hut's number.
BPC: Why the &#@$ do you need Chilli's menu to get Pizza Hut's number? What the *!&#^$?!!!

LOL. Turns out that Chilli's nad Pizza Hut are next door to each other and she thought it made sense to call Chilli's and have one of their waiters run out and get the Pizza Hut number for us. Erm, Safa, what is the 181 number for? The one where you call and they *GASP* tell you the phone number for companies you want the numbers for!

LOL

So any way ... as you would expect of seven people who have never shared a pizza before, a consensus sould not be reached on what kind of pizza(s) to order.

Chicken Supreme? Super Supreme? Ate wants just cheese and pepperoni. Thin crust or thick? Stuffed or not? Extra cheese or not? Mild spicy or extra hot? Pepsi regular or diet? Two mediums or two large? Three mediums or one large and one medium?

BPC called Pizza Hut for some laughs.

Pizza Hut: Pizza Hut, good afternooon!
BPC: We'd like to order pizza please.
Pizza Hut: Yes ma'am, your order please?
BPC: I want a Super Supreme large.
Pizza Hut: Yes ma'am. Anything else?
BPC: Yeah, I'm on a diet. Can you please not put any bread in my pizza.
Pizza Hut: (obviously confused) No bread? What do you mean ma'am?
BPC: You know, that bread thing you put under the pizza. Don't put it there. Make my pizza without the bread. No bread. Only pizza.
Pizza Hut: (long pause) But ma'am ... that is the pizza. It is bread with topping and cheese.
BPC: (impatiently) I know I know. I want no bread. Only pizza.
Pizza Hut: (longer pause) Ma'am, you mean you want only the topping with cheese?
BPC: (feigning extreme impatience) No no no ... why would i want to eat cheese and topping? I am on a diet! I want Pizza with no bread!!!!
Pizza Hut: (no response at all. very very very confused)

BPC is a model of compusure in the face of this dire hilarity, but her treacherous team gives her away. When you are in a room full of people rolling on the floor, holding their stomachs,doubled up with laughter ... that's a good time to end a prankcall.

After about 25 minutes, we did manage to decide on an order:

Two large half-and-half Pizzas.
One Super Supreme and Chicken Supreme,with plain thin crust, extra spicy
One super supreme and cheese/pepperoni, with stuffed thick crust, non-spicy
Cheese on second pizza to be both yellow and white, extra please
And less cheese on the first

Whew.


Um. The bill comes to 81 dirhams. How do you split that between 7 people?

That reminds me, I only have a credit card and no cash .....

Weekend Wisdom #004

The problem with always being the 'bigger' person is that you end up being surrounded by smaller people.


And ...


It's easy to keep someone happy when you have nothing to lose in doing so. But when someone else's happiness requires a sacrifice on your part, that's the test of how much that someone's happiness matters to you. Will you sacrifice something to make that person happy?

Or will you keep that person happy only on your own terms ... only when it is convenient for you to?


And ...


My feelings are MY feelings and I feel the way I feel. What YOU feel about the way I feel says something about YOU (possibly about US), but not about ME.

I am not selfish for feeling the way I feel. It's YOU that is selfish for expecting me to change the way I feel just so that it suits you better.


And ...


If your happiness lies in me doing something even though it hurts my feelings, then I will do it. Because I love you. But only when I see you that you appreciate my effort and acknowledge my hurt. When I find you brushing my hurt aside, you lose the right to demand my respect for you or for your feelings. You make me love you less. And someone who is loved less is someone who is not worth getting hurt over.

Weekend Wisdom #003

The past week or so have been an emotional overload for BPC. Toooooo much upheaval and confrontation and confession and crying and seething and just toooooo much drama. According to Arfiman, BPC's life turned into a Star Plus Drama. LOL

I had a few thoughts about what would qualify as Weekend Wisdom this week.

Is it the reinforcement of Weekend Wisdom #002, despite (or perhaps due to?) efforts to prove that maybe I was underrating the concept of friends. Nope. I was right. And nope, that wouldn't cut it as WW#003.

Gosh, I can't even begin to write everything that happened this week. Mostly because .. well, it would just be too weird. Let's just say that BPC learned A LOT.

Suffice to say, Weekend Wisdom #003 is definitely this:

"This too shall pass"

And that goes for anything.

Stupid people do stupid things and you get mad, but life goes on. Sometimes people close to you do hurtful things and you feel betrayed, but life goes on then too. And sometimes, you yourself do/say things that in normal circumstances you so would not. Guess what happend then

Thank you Ammi, Baba, Mummy, Arfiman, Max, Bhayya and Bhabhi for everything the last few days. I wish Kirna was with us .. we missed you :)

PS: Didn't I warn y'all I get Psycho around my birthday?

I didn't?

Ooops.

Okay, consider yourselves warned now. You have a little less than a year to make plans to be AWOL next December First.

Tee Hee :)