Work Hazard #003

Ever been to a meeting that was called in order to organize a larger meeting next week? LOL

I hadn't until I joined this BIG company I work for now. For all the perks you get working in a BIG company, you sure get to know the little idiosyncracies and eccentrities that come alongside.

Take today for instance.

I received this mailer sent out by the HR Department:

Dear All,

We have received the employee satisfaction survey results from Surveying Company and the participation of the employees came down to 60%; in other words, 2 out 5 did not participate in the survey. It is a serious concern to the Management and we wish to know the reasons that employees have not participated in the survey.

The employee satisfaction survey provides your views on personal satisfaction with Big Company on various performances attributes. Therefore, for those of you who did not complete the survey please take few minutes to complete the attached form and return it to HR to assist us in understanding why the participation rate was low.

Regards,
HR

Ahem.

If people didn't bother to respond to the actual survey, what are the chances they will respond to a survey as to why they didn't respond the the survey?

Durrrrrrrrr.

ROFLMAO.

*%&$%%#$#@$$#%%^^&$#$

There is a special place in hell reserved for people who work in banks. And no, this is not a religious observation.

It specially applies those that work in National Bank of Dubai (readers may substitute with the name of their own banks). SPECIALLY in the telesales and customer service departments. What is UP with total idiots being given jobs to do with making or receiving calls.

Really.

Take this ...

I dial the customer service number for my bank in a very pissed off state, looking for the number for the manager of a certain branch.

Agent: I am sorry ma'am. As of now, I will not be able to give you the number.
BPC: What do you mean as of now?
Agent: As of now.
BPC: As of now WHAT?
Agent: I will not be able to give you the number as of now.
(by this time, BPC is smoking at the ears)
BPC: (takes a deep breath) Okay (another deep breath in effort to control one's temper) Tell me this, 'as of now' means you are not able to give me the number at this moment, or you are not able to give me the number at all?
Agent: Yes.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BPC: Which one is it? You can't give me the number NOW or you can't give it to me AT ALL.
Agent: Yes.

fuckingstupidretardedloserfuckingmoronimbecilefuckingidiotfuckingasshole Customer Service Agent.

I hope your special hole in hell is lined with sharp thorns and vomit.

How do these people get these jobs?

Here's another one.

Telesales lady drives BPC mad offeering her a loan. Calls her every few days. "Youwill get it in just four working days!'

BPC finally takes the loan. FIFTH working day and there is no news of the money. BPC calls telesales lady and reminds her of the FOUR day stipulation.

Telesales lady: Well, it mostly takes four days. Only in rare cases does it get delayed by a day.
BPC: Wasn't my case, according to you 'crystal clear'?
Telesales lady: Yes, it was.
BPC: Didn't you make a note on my application that mine was an URGENT application to process.
Telesales lady: Yes ...
BPC: So you are telling me that MOSTLY it takes four days. Only in RARE cases does it take FIVE days. And when an application (ie mine) is SPECIALLY marked URGENT, that application takes FIVE days in stead of FOUR. Does that make any sense to you?

Telesales lady spontanteously combusts into a pile of smelly ashes.

And just by the way, fuck National Bank of Dubai. If you have a choice, DO NOT bank with them. Infact, don't bank with any bank. Keep your money under your mattress. At least that way you won't need some imbecile asking you for your PO Box, phone number, email address, date of birth, branch of account opening EVERY SINGLE FUCKING time you call.

Lets do something fun. Everyone who reads this entry should call 8004444. Press 2 for English. Then press 0 to speak to an Agent. Hold for ten hours before your call finally gets answered.

When it does, tell the agent to FuckOff.

I need breakfast

PEACE! I have had a few continuous minutes of peace. I think all my blog readers are sending positive thoughts my way and hence some PEACE.

After a nail-on-chalkboard-reminiscent session of Whattimedidyouleavelastnight?Whyfiveoclock?Whattimedidyoucomebackfromyourlunchbvreak?whattimedidbossladycomeback?beforeyouorafteryou?whattimewillyouleavetoday?, I finally made him shut up.

He's working on a presentation right now ... something he has to submit to his college about the company he interned at. It's amazing how little he knows about an organization he has been interning at for six bloody weeks now.

He doesn't even know the proper NAME for fuckssake. Or the operational/heirarchical structure. Geez.

So I finally got him to shut up after I told him that a better way to correct the mistakes in his report is to have me read through it after he's finished writing it than it is to ask me a question after every five words he types.

The goon doesn't even know how to use MS Word properly.

MotorMouth, if you're reading this ... go flush your head in the toilet.

I need breakfast.

No, make that a few shots of tequila ... and some high-potency drugs.

MotorMouth

Maybe it'd be a bit presumptious - maybe even a little too optimisitc - but I want to think that some of you have missed BPC's random rampbling over the last few weeks.

At least one person did refer to it.

"I know you've probably been really busy at work" said Hinamommy. "Because you haven't updated your blog lately ..." (just by the way, such is my state of mind, that I typofied 'glob' instead of 'blog' back there ...LOL .... I haven't updated my glob lately"

So anyway, I WISH that the reason I haven't updated my blog is ONLY because I've been busy at work. No, the business (BUSYness??!!) of work is but a small portion of the reason behind this blog deprivation.

So, yes, busy BPC has been. You see, BPC used to be part of a Corporate Communications team of five, headed by BossLady (who was the sixth).

One fine week, Colleague#1 who was fired a few weeks before finds the long-awaited 'other job' and is ready to leave, Colleague#2 gets fed up with BossLady's excessive demands (in her opinion, mind you ... i quite like BossLady), Colleague#3 finds a position in another department that she was MADE for (and she is now on a two-week business trip in Cannes, lucky bitch!!) and Colleague#4 had ot leave because she couldn't fit in her chair anymore as she expects Bebe any day now.

So, one fine Sunday, BPC is the Corporate Communications Department. Really. It's me. It's ALL me. All of it.

Now, don't mistake me, I'm not one to shy away from work ... I work very hard and I'm proud of it. Give me work, I'll do it. i just ask for one thing:

Peace.

Let me do my work in peace.

And that brings us to the reason why I haven't been able to 'glob' at all lately.

Ladies and germs, let alone being able to compose a witty entry worthy of this blog, I have hardly been able to string two straight sentences in my head these last few weeks.

My bone of contention is the worst kind of punishment that can be sent upon a hardworking (and overworked) worker. It's *GASP* an *GASP GASP* intern!!!!!!

And not just any intern mind you. It's the MOTHER OF ALL MOTORMOUTHS intern.

OHMIGOD! My life in the office has been living hell the last few weeks. Now, don't get me wrong, I am normally a very nice person and as I started work very early in life, i appraciate young people joining the work force and I will be the first it lend a helping hand.

But I refuse to be sympathetic towards interns who:

a) Will not stop talking (and not talking about work related stuff, but STOOOOPID questions. Why is a stapler called a stapler? How many sick days do you get in a year? What's your IQ?)
b)Will not listen to what you say (you can't really listen if you talk all the time. can you?)
c)will not let you teach them a better way to do things. (why should they - who have been at work all of two weeks - listen to you - who has been working for five bloody years now?!!)
d) Will not stop TALKING!!!

Jeezus, I have come to know a whole new side of me these last few weeks. I thought I was a very non-confrontational person when it came to work. Yeah, give me a burger with cheese when I didn't ask for any (or something along those lines) and watch me get confrontational. But at work, I thought I was one of those quiet workers that carries on with her job and doesn't stir up things too much. And I never used to know how to say 'no'.

Well, not anymore honeys.

These days 'Can you please keep quiet, I am trying TO WORK!!!' is something I say ATLEAST five times a day.

Sometimes, I wish I had written down all the horror stories I have to recount about MotorMouth ... I am sure most of them will be quite amusing in hindsight ... but not having that hindsight right now, they are plain annoying.

Take riht now for instance. We are supposed to host a visit by a delegation, and just to shut him up, I have asked him to be incharge of taking photos.

How many photos do i need to take? How do i know if it will be good? What if there are too many people in one shot? What if there is someone who doesn't want to have their photo taken? Will my name be printed with the photos? Where did you learn to take photos? Where does the word 'photo' come from?

*sigh*

I hand himn the camera.

How many megapixels is this? What is focal length? How big can a memory card be? What is A3?

Right now he's trying to take my picture from various angles with the office camera.

Why are you not smiling? Don't you like your picture taken? I don't know why girls are camera shy? Is the flash annoying you? What if i printed your pitcure?

Do you wonder now, why my 'glob' has not been updated?!!