The Story That is Us: Starting Year Three

BPC & Arfiman are celebrating their second wedding anniversary today.



Two years ago, on this day, I was a schizophrenic bride: calmly having my hands and feet henna'd one minute and freaking out over my bridal suite the next. One moment, serenely contemplating the journey I was to embark upon, and the next ... barking orders at the photographer. My God, I was MAD. Hinamommy: your patience with me that day will NEVER be forgotten :)

The weeks leading up to the wedding was a crazy crazy time ... as any married woman can vouch. Amidst all the madness, I was so glad to have found a retreat all my own ... a place I used to go to when things got a bit too crazy for even Crazy BPC.

It was Arfiman and BPCs new flat.

I remember buying tiny things like tealights or hand towels and using that as an excuse (to myself and not to anyone else!) to spend a little time in casa mio ... mon chateau. There is something so exciting about making your first home and I loved the one Arfiman and I were making. MyGod, this warrants a whole new blog entry and this one is supposed to be an anniversary entry, so let's get back on track ...

My first instinct when writing this anniversary entry was to write all about how we met and yada yada yada (the same chocolate cake story that I am sure all my friends are sick of hearing by now ;) hehehe), but the more I think about it, the more I realise that No, my entry cannot possible be just about how we got together, for Our Getting Together is a only a bit of the story that is Us:

The Story That is Us

Starting Year Three

Whereas Chapters 1-4 are dedicated to First Meeting, First Date, Proposal (and Acceptance Thereof), etc etc ... it's Chapter 5 where it really becomes a page-turner: The Wedding. Having said that, even Chapter 5 pales in comparison to Chapter 6 and 7: Living with a Boy/Girl and First Big Fight.

HinaMommy (being my constant Agony Aunt) told me before I got married that I should expect to fight over silly things once we get married. Of course I didn't believe her then .. I wasn't gonna be one of those wives fusses over whose turn it is to take out the trash. I had another think coming.

As far as I can remember, our first big fight was about something stupid like me shouting over the phone at some incompetent water delivery people and Arfiman trying to get me to calm down, but ending up in the line of fire instead. Yes, BPC has an awful temper. You wouldn't be able to tell: she's got really cute little paws .. but they do hide extremely sharp retractable claws!

Chapters 8-10 outline Domestic Bliss, as BPC goes from being incorrigible slob to becoming an epxert at household chores and *gasp* strats enoying cooking and scrubbing the floors. Tsk tsk .. what marriage can do to perfectly decent human beings.

Somewhere down the line there was a Chapter on our First Anniversary and now, here's the Chapter on our Second. When I look at the Chapters in between those two, I realise that not an awful lot was different in our second year of marriage as compared to our first. I'm not complaining, and in no way saying that we got complacent and boring. We had our share of 'incidents', but overall, it was peaceful harmony and we didn't come to any radical realizations in our second year of marriage. (Arfiman? Correct me if I'm wrong).

And somehow, for a person who always always always looks for change and excitement in her life, BPC found the calm orderliness of marital life was a perfect fit.

And in this Story of Us, BPC realized that her favorite Chapters were Chapters she didn't even know could exist.

You know how, when you meet someone you really really like and you start getting closer and closer to them ... that closeness doesn't happen until certain things fall into place, does it? I mean, you don't end up getting together with a junkfood junkie if you're vegan. It just doesn't work that way. (Exceptions apply of course)

And so, when two people successfully (and responsibly) get together - all romanticism aside - it's largely due to the fact that their minds meld well. And so I began my journey as Mrs. Arfiman ... reassured in the knowledge that there were no testing surprises, and happy that I have been lucky enough to find a spouse that *Masha Allah* seems to have the same values, priorities, tastes etc etc.

In short, when I married Arfiman after being with him for over a year, I thought I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. Little did I realize that I'd get more than what I bargained for. *grin*

All my life, with my girlfriends - whenever our discussions had been about shaadi and life thereafter - there would be much deliberation on who he would be, how we would meet him, what he'd be like, what the wedding would be like, what would you wear, etc etc.

Makes me think whether teenaged girls ever think of marriage as anything more than meeting a really great guy and having a really big party.

Did we ever think that when you marry a guy, you don't just marry him, but you marry his whole family? Nope, I don't think we ever did.

I don't think I ever thought about it either. Not when I said yes to marrying Arfiman. Not even when I actually did marry him: never for a moment did it hit me that I will have a new mother and a new brother. It was a blessing that slowly grew on me.

My 'new' family turned out to be that Chapter of The Story of Us that became my favorite.

No matter how much you assert your independance and choose the person you want to marry, in the the end, you have no control over the rest of the family that comes as part of the package. We go on and on about the boy boy boy or the girl girl girl .. but how many times does one take a closer look at the family?

I have seen so many people walk blindly into a love marriage only to find out that they have married into a family that doesn't add any value to their life ... that dont enrich their life.

What kind of a bummer deal is that?

And now, when I think about the best part of these two years as Mrs. Arfiman, I think of Mummy (mum-in-law) and Max (brother-in-law). Having just come back from Croydon, it makes me think of Khala and Khaloo and Nani and the girls. The girls: I love being their 'bhabhi'. :)

And the best part is, this whole thing is not even a Chapter in The Story of Us.

It's the underlying theme of the whole Story. Its like the background music in your favorite movie ... you don't even notice that it's there, and yet it is. Take it out and you'll feel the pinch. Like the salt in your food.

It's what punctuates every Chapter of The Story of Us and as we start the Chapter on our Third Year of Marriage, it's what I give the most thanks for.

Thankyou Arfiman, for everything.

I love you :)