bakpakchik

Local Retardeds!

2007-08-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Umm, okay, I would just like to run a casual poll on whether I am alone in finding this slightly distrubing:

The UAE Ministerial Resolution No. (275) For the Year 2006, issued by the (quote)Ministerial of Labour (unquote) states:

Article One
The foundations have to take into account the right of the local retardeds to get a job suiting their capabilities and qualifications.

Local retardeds?!!

Okay, granted that English is probably not the language that this Article was originally drafted in ... but still, some ministerial translator out there needs to go in for some serious retraining!

Most Curious

2007-07-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

Yet another feather in my cap of notriety. Ujala-haters of the world, unite!

LOL. Seems like the Sadu post below and it's excessive use of the word 'bitch' didn't go down well with some one who apparently is an acquintance of mine and wishes to have a verbal battle with me Anonymously.

I understand. It must be an awful burden to carry such hate in your heart for someone you know and socialise with. If this makes you feel better honey, please carry on. Sticks and stones can break my bones, but you know what they say about words :)

The thing is sweetheart, I am what I am and in this battle of words, I will always come out on top. Not because I am right and you are wrong, and not even because I care about winning. I don't even know who the fuck you are, why would I give a flying fuckabout what youthink?!

See, the thing is, I am not hiding behind a cloak of anonymity. I am neither hiding anything, nor am I divorcing my thoughts/feelings from association with me. On my blog, I say what I want to say ... as I do in real life.

And that's why a whole bunch of sorry-assed MotherFuckers like you can't stand me. Well, guess what? I don't give a flying fuck. Really.

Let me explain something about myself to you: I'm a very simple person. I don't spend hours analysing the things people say and do and try to determine whether they are or are not genuine. It's a waste of time. Sooner or later, everyone proves their worth. If you're nice to me, I'm nice back. I won't dwell at all on ulterior motives you might have. If I like you, I like you. If I don't, no force in the world can fucking make me.

I don't pretend. Which is more than what I can say for you.

For all I know, you might be someone I actually like because you probably act all nice and friendly when we meet, while in your heart you are secretly loathing me. You really can't blame me for being nice to you if you put on your best behaviour around me, now can you?

I am trying to understand this, but can't quite get my head around it: why would you want to associate/socialise with me if you can't stand me?

Are you someone from work? In which case, it is understandable and I might even have a little bit of respect for you.

Are you one of my relatives/cousins/extended family? In which case, again understandable because family is tricky to cut out. But in this case, I have no respect for you. My family is pretty homogenous and whatever any one has more/less of is their own doing. Being a middle-class family, we have come from the same background/values and if you feel any resentment, then babe, whatever shithole you're in, you dug yourself into it .

Are you someone I went to school/uni with? Are you surprised that someone who couldn't really afford to go out for dinners and stuff with friends can now vacation in Europe every week is she so wished? Or are you upset that someone who dropped out of college can actually make a decent living and hold a respectable job?

Are you a friend/relative of my huband's? If yes, then I have the least respect for you. The simplest thing to do is cut out the spouse of a friend/relative you don't aprove of. Just go ahead and do it. What are you scared of?!

Is it some perverse, incessant compulsion you have of pleasing everyone - even someone you hate? What are you trying to prove by keeping in touch with me? How does it make you feel about yourself ... knowing that you have such little control over your own life that you can't even choose to stop seeing someone you despise. Ah, no wonder you hate me. You're probably just jealous that I have the guts and the freedom to not keep things up for merely appearance's sake.

I am also trying to understand this term you keep using: "paki trailer trash". Can you define that one for me please? I understand the traditional 'trailer trash' concept: y'know, the foul-mouthed, bleached, uneducated, grammar-lacking Americans stuck in dead-end jobs such as flipping burgers.

I swear like a sailor and my hair is sometimes bleached, but my grammar's quite good and my job requires me to wear a jacket. I don't understand what part of me seems 'trailer trash' to you. I have a feeling it's the swearing.

Is it?

Do you find it offensive that a pakistani, muslim, married girl uses words like these? Well, tough luck bitch/bastard. I will advise you to fucking take your head out of your ass. Or you know what, keep it there. That's probably where it belongs.

Another thing that amuses me is how fixated you are on how I spend my money. Dude, it's my money. Whether I feed an orphan in Romania with it, or blow it all on a Bvlgari ring is none of your fucking business.

And as side note to the same issue, please put it in your head that I am well aware of the fact that buying footwear does not buy one class. Let me tell you how my mind works when I go shoe-shopping: I need a pair of red shoes so I either go to some shop purposefully looking for some, or I randomly spot them. In either case, a shoe is a shoe and honestly, when I buy 'em, all I am thinking is that I needed a GodDamned red paira heels and I found some within my budget. Which MotherFucker says I'm trying to buy 'class'?!!! Jeezus man, talk about overanalyzing shit!

In any case, it might be your in sad little world where you try to please everyone at the same time where you might covet 'class'. Me? I don't give two shits about 'class'. What is 'class' anyway? Oh wait, I know the answer to this one: I bet to you 'class' is not using words like 'bitch' and 'fuck'. Well, gues what, I do. Those and a couple of others. I can make you a list if you want.

I don't give a fuck about 'class'. I am what I am and I am happy being that way. My family is fine with it. My husband is fine with it. And most of my friends are fine with it too. The one's that aren't, well, they can fuck off because I can always make new friends but there's only one 'me', and if I change that 'me' for people who can't take the real 'me', then I'm a spineless git.

This is me. Take it or leave it. It's as simple as that.

I don't change for people and I don't expect them to change for me.

So, if - in some part of your heart - you're hoping that a miracle might occur and I might turn over a new leaf, then wake up and smell the methane. I am not gonna unlearn my swearwords and I am not gonna suddenly acquire what you call 'class'. It's not happening ... so don't waste your time and my time by smiling at me over dinner and asking me how's work.

Because bitch, if I knew who you were, I would fucking show you shit you are for wasting my time.

As a last note: it's my blog and I can write whatever I want on it. If I was scared/hurt/effected by you or your comments, I would just disable them. But I don't, because your Anoymous comments just go to show how pathetic you are.

Sadly, I will not be able to find out your identity because you are obviously too scared of too many things. Happily, none of that is my problem.

If you can answer any of my questions without revealing your identity, then please do ... I am most curious :)

MSNing with Sadu

2007-07-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

oooj@la: I hear you coming back tomorrow bitch
sadu: yes bitch
oooj@la: ok bitch, call me when you get here bitch
sadu: sure bitch, anything u say bitch
oooj@la: cool see ya soon then bitch!
sadu: whats the thurs night plan bitch
oooj@la: i am sadududududuiing whether you like it or not bitch
sadu: huh?? what dat mean bitch
oooj@la: meaning i hang out with you bitch! no?
sadu: you do? bitch! i arrive 10pm....
oooj@la: LOL, ok, then friday bitch. or saturday
sadu: cool....sounds like a plan kutti
oooj@la: acha, kutti now. fine kutti, have it your way
oooj@la: i am sure the husbaaaands will want to fix up something too ... kutti
sadu: my husband is not coming with me kutti
oooj@la: did you sell him for diamonds?
sadu: diamonds and more
oooj@la: oooooh, dont worry. i will love you long time .... if you share the diamonds with me kutti!
sadu: lol ... BITCH KUTTI
oooj@la: i am your BITCH KUTTI baby

LOL ... I love my Sadu, yes I do :)

2007-07-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

I’m not new to scepticism when it comes to the ‘insane’ things I wanna do (perceived as such by THEM … I think all my ideas are perfectly sane!).

THEY thought I was out of my mind when I wanted to cycle 500 kilometres in 5 days around the UAE for charity. THEY also thought I was off my rocker when I decided to climb 52 stories of the Emirates Towers a few months ago for the MSF vertical Marathon.

I did both. With a smile. A smirk even.

And yet THEY doubted that I would really have the balls to skydive. Me? A puny little thing? Plummet myself from a plane? Of my own free will? I must have TOTALLY lost the plot.

Maybe I have. And all the more glad I am for having done so :)

The idea was hatched by Luni at the Vertical Marathon. A bunch of us from work had done the 52 floors together. Red-faced and a little out of breath, over the celebratory breakfast, we thought we should do something together again. Something a little bit more … erm … ballsy. The ladies bowed out and I was left with Luni and three guys agreeing to come along for the ride.

We planned and plotted for weeks and somehow the plan always fell through at the last minute. Someone was out of town. Someone was moving house. Someone for somereasonortheother. Last week though, we all threw in the towel and decided it’s now or never. Luni, ironically, despite being the Hatcher of Da Plan, would not be able to make it. Apparently, they have a maximum weight limit for tandem jumps and Luni being a bit of a Big Girl teetered on the wrong side of the limit. :(

Now before you get images in your head of BPC happily parachuting along, let me set the record straight: we were to go for a tandem jump, which is defined as a way to “allow the curious potential student to experience, first-hand, the thrills of skydiving without the stress of AFF or SL progression”. Or, in other words, it’s “for the adventurous spirit who cannot adequately meet the physical or proficiency requirements (and) by relying on Tandem Master's skills, they will still be able to experience the thrill of skydiving”.

Quite simply, you are strapped to the front of the tandem instructor who does all the hard work and you just enjoy the view. And the experience.

So off BPC went, all smiles to the UmmAl Quwain Aeroclub, not paying heed to the naysayers (‘What if your parachute won’t open?’, ‘What if your appendix explodes from the pull of gravity,’ and so on). The only thing that gutted me was the fear in Arfiman’s eyes: there was no way in Hell he was doing it, and he couldn’t quite understand why I was. Being the darling he is though, even though he neither understood nor whole-heartedly approved, he came along to cheer me on.

The hour-long drive to the Aeroclub was quite an adventure in itself, what with all the wrong turns and back-tracking. Once we got there, The Signing of The Forms was not very confidence inspiring. Not for me … I was on such a high just at the thought of the dive that a pack of rabid dogs would not have been able to change my mind. It was Arfiman who wasn’t too happy with me signing a bunch of papers with references to not suing anyone for anything going wrong – death or injury.

We had booked a jump for 12 o clock and due to various delays, it was actually 4 before we got into our jumpsuits. (Don’t even get me started on the shouting match I had with the Admin to get us that slot instead of the 6 o clock one they were gonna put us in!). Now that I’ve jumped once though, and am a bit more familiar with the etiquette and constraints of a DropZone, I think my shouting was slightly excessive. (Let me add on Arfiman’s behalf, my shouting almost always is! LOL)

Okay, so I claim to be real gutsy and all, but even I was surprised at my nerves of steel. Not for a nanosecond did I feel any emotion except for extreme excitement.

As my photos will show you, I was all teeth all the way. Right from the on-ground training to the actual toss out the plane. Some credit does go to my tandem instructor, JJ, whose name I did not find out till I signed the logbook at the end of the day. My bad. He did tell me off a bit for not knowing his name despite having loudly proclaimed my time with him as ‘the best three minutes of my life’. Kudos to Arfiman for being probably the only DH in the whole world that will tolerate his wife saying so to another man in his presence. LOL.

As a guy packed my future in a backpack (read: parachute), I was dressed up in my oversized red jumpsuit by JJ and my videographer/photgrapher Steve. They had to fold the sleeves and legs up quite a bit and it was still all over the place. I envied the boys with their tall frames looking all sexy in their snug-fitting jumpsuits while I looked like a little 12 year-old playing at a grown up game! Well, at least my suit matched my manicure ;)

Adrenaline already pounding in my ears, I only half-listened, half-zoned-out as JJ drilled me on the positions I needed to assume during the freefall and landing. Clambering into the tiny aircraft, I waved my Arfiman off into the distance and up went the plane.

I had been warned that the climb would take about half an hour and Steve and JJ might catch a few Zs (which they did). It was totally surreal looking at Umm Al Quwain growing tinier and tinier under us and knowing that THIS is what I would be jumping into.

We reached about 10,000 ft. in what seemed to be a lot shorter than half an hour (but actually was a full 30 minutes) and a freefalling jumper riding with us just slid open the door and dived headfirst into the open blue. My jaw popped wide I saw him turn into a tiny dot and then I could feel JJ strapping my harness onto his. He recounted the instructions he had already given me on the ground as well as right before take off, but for all I knew, he could have been naming Dwarves. He pushes me towards the open door of the aircraft and I looked down to see for the first time that view without the security of a glass window built into a solid wall that would keep me from falling out: it was the ground 10,000 ft below me and the only thing keeping me up was my butt on the floor of the plane. My legs hooked under the open door and JJ behind me, I swear I realized what it must be like to be in Heaven. I was still amazed at my own self … there was not a nervous hair on my body. Then JJ rocked me back and forth, one two three and out we go!

We fell out of the plane and there we were - actually freefalling. Free falling from 10,000 feet at 200kph - the most surreal experience imaginable. It sounds ridiculous, but it wasn’t frightening at all. All I could think was ‘wow’. The ground was so far away that hitting it didn’t seem like a tangible threat.

DropZone.com says that “Freefall sounds scarier than it is. In reality you barely have a sensation of "falling" while skydiving. All you feel is the excitement of the air rushing past you. And, because there's nothing up there for your brain to use as a reference point to tell you that you're falling, it will feel more like you're lying on a column of air, floating.”

And that’s just what I felt like. I was going down at about 200 kph – a speed I have never yet reached whilst driving my own car – and yet, I felt like I was floating. Everything’s happening so fast - the air’s rushing in your face and you want to take in the view but you have to remember to smile at the camera and enjoy being spun around. You keep forgetting to breathe and you think it’s absolutely insane that you’re up there, just flying through the air... and then all of a sudden, the parachute opens.

I will quote DropZone.com again (because they say it so much better than I ever can!): “Upon opening your parachute it'll feel like you're being pulled upwards. You're not going up. You're just decelerating pretty quickly and that causes the sensation.”

I saw Steve (who was till now floating/freefalling alongside us and filming me) freefall into the distance and that’s when it first hit me how fast we had been freefalling. Wow!

Once the parachute opened, it turned instantly from crazy, air-rushing-around-you, hysterical experience to total serenity. After the rustle of the parachute opening up, there was absolute quiet. Not a sound except for the wind howling ever so slightly. And that in itself was a crazy, crazy few minutes.

There I am, strapped in front of this guy, a couple of thousand feet in the air. I can see the teeny, tiny world underneath me and we strike up a conversation about what JJ does for a living. He tells me that he is a risk analyst during the week and skydiving is his passion so he does tandems on weekend. I ask him if it pays much. Not really, he tells me. It barely covers his expenses. But he loves the sport and he get free jumps, so hey, it’s a fair deal. We enjoy a few moments of quiet too, taking in the gorgeous views of Umm Al Quwain’s mangroves on one side and the deserts on the other. He lets me steer the chute a bit, but when I try and steer us towards the beach (‘because it looks like a much nicer place to land than the airstrip!’) he politely snatches the grips and steers us back towards the landing strip … which is now looming larger and larger under our feet. That tiny speck of green becomes the size of my palm, then the size of my living room couch and before I know it, I have to bend my knees and pull my feet up to prepare for the landing.

As we land, I forget that I am still strapped to JJ and just want to plop down on the grass and savour the best experience of my life. Sadly, I am told to ‘stand up now’. JJ unhooks me and I thank him. And then I run into the arms of awaiting Arfiman, who still looks shell-shocked – like he can’t believe I just did that and am back.

What do I feel post-jump? It’s been almost three days now and I can still feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins.

I wikipediaed it, and turns out, it might not even really be adrenaline: “the medical view is that the rush or high associated with the activity is not due to adrenaline being released as a response to fear, but due to increased levels of dopamine, endorphins and serotonin because of the high level of physical exertion.”

Hmm, physical exertion there was none. But giving it the benefit of the doubt, and assuming it was adrenaline, I can safely call myself an "adrenaline junkie".

As Bob Drury, a paraglider pilot says, "We do these things not to escape life, but to prevent life escaping us".

I seriously can’t wait to double my dive count! Hell, I'm even entertaining thoughts of doing the whole Accelerated Free Fall course and become a certified solo jumper! :)

Check out the pix at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=8406&l=893c1&id=597207250 and http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=8524&l=e4fcf&id=597207250

Babies

2007-06-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

BPC loves surprises. And when those suprises involve the sudden arrival in town of her Best Girl, then BPC is in heaven.

BPC was in heaven this weekend. The 'rents were all mysterious about weekend plans which involved Arfiman and I accompanying them to visit family in the boonies (read Al Ain) and while I let it slide (cuz in my family we do everything by the seat of our pants) Arfiman was mighty perturbed (cuz in his family they are super-organized and all plans require three-day advacne notice to all parties). How the heck did we end up together?!! LOL

So anyway, Arfiman is also highly perceptive and kept insisting that my 'rents were being way too mysterious and I kept brushing it off.

Come Thursday, they arrive at our doorstep with who in tow?

SOMI!!!!! Of course, with Baby and Hubby. First time I set eyes on little Anooshey (fondly referred to by me as Pooshey).

Little Pooshey was so adorable and those pudgywudgy thighs were just edible.

All cuteness aside though, Somi's supershort trip was a huge reminder to myself and Arfiman how and why we were so not ready to have a little one ourselves.

Cute as she was, little Pooshey made her parents dance around in circles and that is a dance i am really not looking forward to dancing anytime soon.

I am talking about constant interruptions: breast-feeding, diaper changeing, spit-up cleaning ... Somi and I couldn't sit and talk for five minutes straight. We went on a dinner cruise and ended up being so embarassed because Pooshey wouldn't stop crying and even though I felt sorry for the little bunny, I also felt sorry for all the people who paid 250 dhs for a cruise with wailing baby for background music.

Next day, Arfiman and I were browsing second-hand books at House of Prose and the Parenting books section caught my eye. There must have been a billion titles there: What to Expect When You're Expecting, The Guide for First Time Mums, How To Be A Dad, Home Remedies for Babies (interesting title that: what do they tell you? how to make a baby out of common household ingredients?!) So shelf upon shelf of books for people who are about to have a child or have just had one.

What about people who don't have a child or maybe dont want one just yet? Is no one writing any books for them?

I looked and looked and couldn't find a single book.

Maybe I have found a niche. I can already think of possible titles:

What To Expect When You're Not Expecting
Saying 'I Don't Want A Baby' is not the same as saying 'I don't want one EVER'
Childless, and yet somehow Happy (*gasp*)

LOL

Seriously though.

There was a funny moment when Arfiman and I were holding Pooshey and posing for a pic and I say to him : When this picture comes out, we'll be able to see what we will look like with a baby.

Arfiman: Are you kidding me? You would be fatter and I would have kiddy slobber on my shoulder
BPC: And I would have a huge diaper bag instead of this cute clutch and would probably be wearing flats instead of stillettos and ...

and before I get to finish my sentence Pooshey starts wailing and spits up on Arfiman's shoulder ...

Arfiman: Take this baby away from me NOW!
BPC: You are not coming near me without protection for a very, very long time!

LOOOOOOOOL

A million reasons why I love you ...

2007-06-12T11:48:00.001-07:00

A million reasons why I love you, and neither enough words nor time to even begin ...

I love the way the bed is always warm on your side.

I love how you look when you are asleep when I wake up in the morning and roll over to look at you.

I love that you grab a lock of my hair when we sleep.

I love it when you smile when I kiss you forehed every morning before I leave for work.

I love the smile on your face when you find the lipstick mark while you shave.

I love it when you call me on your way to work.

I love it when you call me during the day because I didn't call you first.

I love that you check if i had my lunch today ... everyday :)

I love you telling me to drive carefully on my way home

I love it when you come home all tired and grumpy just so that I can kiss you better

I love the fact that you fix me shisha every night

I love that you offer to make your own chai if you think I'm not upto it

I love the way I can curl my toes under you while you play your XBox endlessly every night
I love the way you chew your lip when you play
I love those funny little new tickly things you come up with everyday
I love that I can still make you blush
I love you for bringing me flowers for no reason
I love you holding me in your arms and squeezing me
I love you nibbling on my thumbs
I love that I never have to explain myself to you
I love it that with you, I can be myself
I love the way you look, smell, feel, taste ...
I love you

I know I have said it to you every single night before we fall asleep, but I haven't written it down for you for a long, long time, so here it is: I love you.

I love you and I love you and I love you till I think I can love no more.

And then I love you some more.

But you know what the best part is?

Knowing that you always love me more :)

Cookie

2007-06-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is about what you do or how you feel about what you do that makes you act like you are better than me. That me doing something different makes me not quite as good - or as accomplished - as you.

I can totally not understand how you could find you are better simply by doing what you are doing when in actuality what you are doing is what EVERYBODY else does. If it's something every friggin' body does, then how does it make you any more special? Shouldn't I be the one acting like BigHead because I have chosen to take the road less travelled by?

Maybe in my head, I am the better person because I have taken the road less travelled by. Maybe choosing to be different is actually the more diffiuclt choice to make.

But that's not even what it is all about. What I'm trying to say is: why must you make me feel inadequate by glorifying what you do?

Of course, there is the possibility that on some level, I myself feel inadequate and less accomplished than you becasue you are doing something that I choose not to do. Yes, that thought has crossed my mind.

But when I think about it ... and I dont even have to think too hard to come to this conclusion ... I realise that the choices I have made (and continue to make) are made by me for a reason: I don't see life as a prescription.

I don't see Life as a step-by-step guide where someone has mapped out for you the things you need to do and told you the specific order you need to do them in and then put little boxes with recomended timelines.

No.

To me, Life is not a board game: Pass Go, Collect 200$ ... Get Out of Jail Free ... you have two hotels and BANG, you have it made.

Agreed, what you are doing is accepted as being a Great Thing and what I want to do might be Questionable. But Questionable according to whom?

I don't have a problem. Arfiman doesn't have a problem. No one has a problem except you and all those other guys who are going down the Other Road, and a whole load of other people to whom Life is obviously a set of dos-donts in very very black and white.

The sad part is, that whole load of other people includes some people I love very very much.

Why does it always have to be this way when it comes down to making a Big Decision? Why can't one simply choose to do what one wants without having to worry about the repurcussions on/from the people one loves?

It's sad really that this has to come between us, but if it has, then that's the way this cookie's crumbled.

Random MSN

2007-06-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when you chat on MSN late at night, with a guy who has a Star Wars fetish and knows of yours for the Corvette:

abbas: your ass is huge - you need a corvette. it will reduce your ass size
oooj@la: shut your face
abbas: a corvette has four wheels. it will aid you
oooj@la: leave me alone
abbas: im taking this corvette with me
oooj@la: fine. see if i care
abbas: im setting it on fire
oooj@la: i will slice you with my light sabre
abbas: you dont like star wars enough to use one
oooj@la: i like it plenty
abbas: you will never hurt me. your belief is weak
oooj@la: then get your own corvette!
abbas: your belief is to weak for a corvette
oooj@la: we shall see about that in 2.5 years
abbas: the corvette hates you
oooj@la: it loves me so much it follows me around everyday
abbas: it breeds contempt for you in its valves
oooj@la: i think it is desire not contempt
abbas: its fuming
oooj@la: with desire
abbas: its gas
oooj@la: gassed with desire
abbas: with bad mexican food
oooj@la: what do you know abt mexican food?!
abbas: it jams up a car and makes it hard for it to fart
oooj@la: corvettes dont fart
abbas: yeah they do. you just plugged it
oooj@la: go play with yourself
abbas: that wont work with me. i say my namaz. allah mian says thats wrong
oooj@la: what else does allah main say is wrong?
abbas: he says corvettes should only be driven by people who can use blenders

Jeans and Stillettoes

2007-05-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

I never thought of myself as a particularly stylish person. I've always been very laidback and casual in my dressing.

Heck, till some years ago, my dress sense was actually cringeworthy ... I look at some old pix and I can't imagine what I was THINKING when I bought that stuff!!!

The last few weeks though, have been refreshingly pleasant in that regard. I am going to blow my own trumpet here a bit (and I am allowed on my own blog if no where else)

The last few weeks I have received so many compliments on the way I dress that I might have gotten a little big-headed. (Which, I must add, is partially due to the fact that I seriously reconsidered my choice of workwear recently, but more on that later)

There is at least one Male who is totally obsessed with my choice of footwear and insists on being shown what shoes I am wearing on any given day our paths cross. Had a very funny moment today leaving a meeting whereby Male suddenly realized he hadn't seen my shoes and demanded a look. So there I am, balancing overstuffed handbag in one hand and laptop in the other, thinking 'Hm, how do I do this?'. I put a foot forward and give a peek (of my very beloved new acquisition, I must add: GodBless Victoria's Secret). He complained that my jeans were too long and he couldn't see the whole item. *sigh* Some tricky rebalancing, laptop shifting to hand already occupied with handbag and very discreet lifting of jeans to display the 'whole item'. Male left THAT meeting very content and very much in approval of my choice of footwear ... yet again.

Same shoes, another day, girls in another department totally oohing-aahing over. "Can I try it one?", "You have some real guts wearing shoes like this ... I could never carry it off", "Where did you GET these?!". LOL

Not bad for a pair that cost $39 plus shipping. If any of you gals is interested in talk-worthy paira stillettos, here's the link: http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=ZN-207516&page=5&cgname=OSSALSDLZZZ&rfnbr=2868

Back to me and my 'style' for now, though. A few weeks ago I made an unintentional fauxpas that could have turned out real ugly, but turned out more to be a clear victory on my end (so someone IS watching over me after all!):

Annual dinner for company. Somewhere on the invite it DID say to wear dressy/formal workwear. Ofcourse, me being the way I am, did not read that bit. So I show up in a very funky Fuschia dress bought from Bershka (85 dhs!). And I walk into a sea of black dresses and skirt suits.

Damn.

I feel out of place for about five seconds until ALL eyes turn on me ... in a good way! That was two months ago and I still bump into people who rave about my 'smart' decision to wear such a funky outfit. LOL

So it was a few days ago that I finally decide I have HAD it with the corporate uniform of formal (read: uncomfortable) trousers and stiff collared shirts. Those things are a bitch to iron and how many times have I cheated and shown up at work with trousers without a sharp crease or tried to hid an unironed shirt under a jacket. Screw that. I'm more of a jeans kinda gal and to hell with anyone who tries to tell me otherwise.

So I twist my wardrobe around and show up for work in *gasp* jeans!

Don't get me wrong though .. it's still work and there is still a corporate image to uphold .. and that's where the fitted jackets come in.

Turns out, it might be the fact that I am looking 'different' from the sea of coordinated suits, or maybe simply the fact that I am for the first time entirely comfortable with what I am wearing for nine hours a day straight: the audience is loving it.

For one thing, all my shoes go better with my jeans. Damn my stilletto obsession :) But GodBless the common ol' jean and the five inch heel for making a petite girl look leggy.

I just might have stumbled on a winning combination here though. Damn, I FEEL good in dem jeans and heels and jacket. Not to forget the afore mentioned compliments I receive. *blush* Yes, modesty was never one of my strengths anyway.

LOL ... I even attended a meeting with The Big Bosses just to gauge their level of approval (or lack thereof) of jeans on A Day That Is Not Thursday, and you know what? I don't think they even give a tiny rat's ass what I wear. And if they don't, WHY SHOULD I TORTURE MYSELF WITH TROUSERS ?!!!

Never again.

Never EVER again.

(PS: Soon, I will put up a post about my nine pairs of shiny new footwear courtesty Victoria's Secret. So bring on dem anoynmous comments about me being shallow .... )

Chooper

2007-05-15T12:13:00.000-07:00

Of all the things I never thought I'd live to see, this one was definitely not on the list ... and it shoulda been right up there at the top:

A chopper landing next to my car.

Really.

One minute, I am flying down SZR at 160 and the traffic starts piling up till I'm down to about 60. In the fast lane and I see a chopper flying low. Really low.

"It realy shouldn't be flying this low," I think to myself and before I know it, in a swirl of sand, IT LANDS RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

Well, not right next to me if oyu count the hard shoulder next to me, and then the road divider and then the hard shoulder on the opposite side of the road. But for simplicity's sake ... RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

Sand is being swirled about and rises up in huge, impenetrable walls and I slam the brakes hoping the tinted Beamer behind me doesn't ram into my ass.

It doesn't.

Quite surreal that was.

And that is my way stating my denial of the fact that it was yet another day on SZR with yet horrible traffic accident with yet another fatality.

There was a horrible bike accident on SZR a few mornings ago. Deceased was on a bike. Heard he was decapitated. Then, heard he was the cousin of a colleague. Saw colleague today. How life goes on.

Why is my post about choppers and decapitations?

Because there is so much on my mind right now that I cannot even begin to think about penning it down.

Virtual

2007-05-08T13:35:00.000-07:00

Right now, there is much stress. There's good stress and there's bad stress. A rose by any other name ... *sigh*

'Nobody's perfect," he said. "And perfection is overrated."

"Perfect is boring," I judged.

And added "Lately though ... boring don't seem too bad."

Not really BPC.

Did you forget what being BPC was all about? About doing a new thing every minute? About OnceUponATime in a VirtualWorld telling VirtualFriends you want to see five new countries every year? How many years ago was that? And how many new countries have you seen since then?

Let me tell you: it's been just about five years and you have seen ... let's see ... ONE new country.

So 'boo' on you. Boo on your face and boo on saying Big Things That Fall Flat on your Face.

But do VirtualProclamations even count? Let's put it in perspective ... if the VirtualWorld mattered, then the VirtualFriends should have mattered too (and viceversa). And they did. And that's why BPC ran away. Somethings are better left ... for lack of a better word ... Virtual.

Speaking of Virtuality ... isn't it odd how you can be so comfortable with someone in the virtual world and then when he sits in front of you at lunch, it's so not the same thing? You share a pasta for Pete'sSake (howzat for breaking the ice?!) but nope, something's amiss.

He observed that. I overanalyzed. He told me off.

LOL (or as he would say: Laf)

BPC's getting a LOT of telling off these days. Am I subconciously seeking rebuke these days?

Am I?

Bigger Question: Do I need it?

Monica

2007-04-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

Right now, I really really badly want to slap the shit out of someone.

And that someone is me.

I am at the end of my tether and just waiting for the bounceback. Or am I really? Maybe I am just blowing it out of proportion and none of it really is that big a deal. Or MAYBE the big deal is that it isn't such a big deal to me.

I am purposefully being vague because this blog is public and I know that personal thoughts belong in a diary, but I have put so much into this blog already that I want it to be my only source for reflecting back on myself ... so sue me.

It's pretty tough when you open yourself up for criticism and no matter how much you grit your teeth and listen because you genuinely want to work towards eliminating your flaws, some if it can be pretty bad.

When did I become this person that these people are telling me I am? When did I become this person that does these things on auto-pilot? When did I become so involved in changing myself (based on previous feedback) into something else that I totally lost sight of the fact that I had reached the goalpost and FLEW right past it? Stop, BPC, stop, turn around. LOOK AROUND.

I read somewhere today that "Character is what you do when no one is looking".

Really?

If so, then think about what you've been doing when no one's been looking. Surely, they are not things you would do otherwise.

But isn't that the point of 'privacy ... that you can be yourself. Or is no one allowed to be themselves in their own time anymore without being 'guilted' into introspection? IMHO intropsection is over-rated. Why can't we just BE without having to think too deep and too hard about it? Why can't some things just be things that you do ... if they don't harm anyone, then why do you need to be held accountable? Why do you need to hold yourself accountable for what is not changing/hurting/ruining anything for anyone else?

Why is there all this bloody social programming that bloody forces you to THINK so much.

Just shut up. Be quiet. Do. Be. Don't THINK.

I do that sometimes. I 'do and I 'be', but I have yet to master the 'don't think' part.

I know where this is all coming from. I have all the pieces infront of me, but the pieces don't add up. And that's what is frustrating. Growing up in a world of twoplustwoequalsfour, I can see the two twos and I know that's where the four comes from, but it'd bloody doing my head in as to why and how the four came along long before the two twos did.

Maybe it's some weird cosmic joke constructed to confuse me. Maybe I'm just PMSing.

But I see the two twos. And I am Monica. Boy, am I Monica right now. Arfiman will understand this bit precisely if he is reading ... because he is the one who pointed it out. Jokingly maybe, but he was right.

No one can have it all. But we all find our ways to get the bits we really need.

Is this going to make me feel better? Maybe.

Okay, so it's not been futile after all ... this long-winded post ... no, not when I realize that we all find our ways to get the bits we really need. And not when I realize that none of us can ever have it all.

Master Manipulator in the Making

2007-04-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

After the uproar caused due to my last post on training, I really should think twice before posting ANOTHER training-related post, but what is BPC if not one to make things a little more exciting?

So here goes ...

I think I pleased someone with authority highly by my revelation in the last training post on how refreshing it is to be in training without having to simultaneously perform routine work-related tasks as well ..

.. and here I am, having completed Day Two of a Three Day Training Program with my laptop having gone kaput and me not even having checked my work email for more than 48 hours. A first!

It was nice for the first day, but by start of Day Two, BPC is in panic mode, fielding phonecalls from people who demand to know the status of tasks scheduled for completion.

About the training itself: loosely structured to introduce us to the core concepts of a) personality types and persuasion skills in light of that, b) Key Performance Indicators: how to collect, interpret, analyze and use them to c) strategise the maximisation (is that even a word?!) and alignment of those KPIs to align the departmental objectives and processes with the organisational ones and finally (whew) d) presentation/persuasion skills to combine all of the above.

As I said, whew.

So it's been a very interesting two days so far and what's more interesting is how the company pays so much money to send people into training and how so many of them can be so non-receptive and negative. I have heard ENOUGH comments from people being too defensive and/or critical about the content or the training, or the possible real-work application.

All the time, I sat there thinking "My God! How on Earth can you not see this to be of use?"

I mean, my head was reeling with ideas and I can't wait to get back to work and WHOOPAH my team and boss into shape ;) LOL

The training introduced us to Shape-type personalities (whereby people are either squares, circles, traiangles or squiggles). No prizes for guessing what I am.

LOL ... yours truly is a very Squiggly BPC with some Circle tendancies.

What's more interesting than analyzing these personality types was looking back at our past experiences of having dealt with them and being able to see what we were doing wrong!

I picked my subject (who turned out to be a very distinct Square) and found out that I was dealing with him in a very Squiggly manner ... so NOT the thing to do! Enter calculated manipulation ... err... I mean Personality-based Persuasion and I now have a very good idea of the approach I need to take the next time I present to this Square Person.

The persuasion aspect of the training itself was very enlightening. The handouts and reading material (25 pages of some VERY HEAVY reading from the Harvard Business Review) had a box on 'Four Things NOT To Do When Persuading Effectively' and turns out that those are the fours things I (and apparently anyone not familiar with the art and science of persuasion) would do. These are things we do instinctively thinking they are the right things to do, but are essentially the most effective way to kill any persuasion efforts with anyone who is not already sold on you or your idea.

Persuasion as a concept itself was something I hadn't given much thought to before this training.

In my current job role, one of my biggest challenges is that I am responsible for strategic input while being in a position not authoritative enough to have my input not be overlooked when a) it challenges the status quo, or b) when a person of higher authority (ie, almost ALL the people I am required to give this input to) has conflicting viewpoints, or c) (surprisingly the biggest challenge of all!) my peers are not on the same page (often due to their own lack of a strategic shot of the Big Picture, but also - as this training revealed - as often enough due to my own inability to convey the merits of an idea in words and ways that will make sense to them).

Hopefully, this training has equipped me with skills to:
a) challenge the status quo without appearing to undermine the current processes
b) persuade the Big Bosses effectively
c) get team buy-in

What I loved about this training was the Business Simulation aspect where we got the chance to apply the day's learning in a real-work type scenario: two very hard-assed HigherUps from the company agreed to donate some time to act as BigBosses and we had to present to them effectively on ideas that they were put in place to tear up. Very very scary. But I must say, kodus to the hard-assed duo ... I now have more confidence in how deal with situations such as these.

I am extremely keen to see what Day Three brings in, and even more keen to go back to work because I am now not only Spokesperson Extrordinairre, but also Master Manipultor ... err ... I mean, Prettygood Persuader!

Good News?

2007-04-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Nothing pisses the fuck out of me quite like the 'good news' question that everyBloodybody is inclined to ask you when you are a married woman.

"So, any good news on your side?"

Fuck that shit, man. I totally lost it today.

A very old friend who I used to go to school with and who got married quite after me and now has a one-year-and-some-months-old son asked the same question on MSN today: So, any good news?

"Yeah", I MSNed back. "Very good news."

"Really?" came back her enthusiastic reply. "How many months?!"

As I said, FUCK THAT SHIT.

"Honey," I told her. "I have no plans for kids anytime soon, and THAT is the good news from my side. No news=good news. No bun in the oven for me and that is the best news I could have for the forseeable future."

She was silent for a while.

"Really?" she said a bit later. "You don't want babies. But why? They're so cute."

And this coming from a woman who told me not five minutes ago that she was so relieved when she got to go back to Pak. for 5 months without her husband due to an ill MIL because the baby was finally off her hands and she no longer had to cook and clean while taking care of this little thing that demanded all her time, energy and attention.

Really.

They are so cute.

And it's such a relief when you have other people to take care of them.

Why have them then?!!!

Why? Why?!!!

So that you can live your life in bits where you have other people to take care of them? So that you need to make the decision of being away from your partner for months on end to regain your sanity?

Bloody hell.

I am quite sure that in some twisted way I am tempting fate by writing all this ... which could mean I either get a baby very very soon (unplanned, of course, if it so turns out) .. or that I don't get one when I really want one sometime in the future, just because I am so dead against having one just now.

I really don't understand what all this societal pressure is all about. Babies are NOT the reason people get married. Or are they?

Am I the one who has the wrong idea ... thinking that two people get married because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together? Is there some unwritten rule no one told me about: must get married and MUST have babies as soon as possible after?

Whatever works for you, is what I say. Then why does whatever work for me have to be such a big problem?

Geez man.

And even the nerve of people asking you howcome you've been married three years and have no kids?! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!

Okay, so I don't have kids out of choice. But how do you know that when you ask me that extremely private question? What if I have some medical problem and have been trying desparately to have a baby and can't? How rude and insensitive is your question then?

How many times do you meet a married woman and ask her how many times a week she has sex? To me, asking me why I don't have kids is breaching the same level of privacy: if you don't already know, you're probably not important enough to tell.

ChickenSouping

2007-04-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

An interesting post on RantzRavez's blog (http://rantzravez.blogspot.com/2007/04/on-follies-of-living-in-fools-paradise.html) led me to comment and got me thinking.

It took me right back to a long shisha session with a new friend a few evenings ago and reminded me of something we talked about ...

... he asked me what was the one thing I regretted doing the most in my life ...

I though about it really hard and my answer was "Nothing".

Because what is 'regret' for an action if not the wish to reverse it? And I might have done lots of things that didn't seem 'the right thing to do' at that time .. either to me or to the people I did those things to ... but when I look at it in retrospect ... would I do any of it differently?

No.

Because what I 'did' .. and what we all 'do' .. is what we 'are' ... dictates what we 'become'.

And anyone truly happy with the way they are know that they are the way they are because of the things they did ... that going back and changing any of it will change what they are today.

And that leads me to the observation of how refreshing it is to meet new people and make new relationships ... you end up talking about things you can never imagine talking about with friends who you have been with for years ... old friends are good for comfort, but new ones are great for ChickenSoup.

This friend is somebody I met on a training course and he is a Really Nice Guy (the kind that is just not possible to run into these days). To think it all started with a compliment on nice shoes (from him to me obviously). And as nice as it is to get attention from a person of the opposite sex, we both flashed our wedding rings at each other and sighed in mutual relief that neither of us need worry about 'complications'.

Ended up having a veeeeeeeeery long shisha session the same evening with lots of ChickenSouping. We each tried to get our spouses to join us. Mine wasn't able to make it, but his did and what a woman!

Am still trying to get Arfiman to join so all four of us can be partners in crime and so that Arfiman won't start wondering who this Really Nice Guy is that I end up having shisha with.

Protocols aside, there is nothing like intellectualising with someone new.

The long conversations on the purpose and meaning of life, of love and everything else under the sun is something I was missing for so long. (And can you not see it reflected in the nature of my recent blog posts?!)

Let's face it ... we all need some ChickenSouping sooner or later. Okay, maybe it's just me but that just means that ChickenSouping is really, REALLY under-rated.

I have not had that for a while and I am TOTALLY enjoying it.

And it sure doesn't hurt that he insists I have the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen! LOL!!

Arfiman, that's it! You need to meet this guy now!

ScarboroughBoy and I

2007-04-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

Pandora's box: don't open something you can't close. Don't let loose what you can't contain.

Life. What is it without death? Or love without loss?

It's not what other people do to you that makes you lose faith ... it's what you do to other people. When you get away with doing things you had no right doing, it makes you wonder what kinds of secrets other people are carrying around inside them. Can you really trust anyone?

Can you really trust yourself?

What is trust? What is good and what is bad?

What are all these things aside from what you have grown being told they are? Who decides what's good for you? Rules made by people who you don't know? And who don't know you? Who don't know what goes on in your life ... in your head ... or where it matters most of all: in your heart?

Are you going to live your life 'playing it safe' ... in your 'comfort zone'?

Or will you ever dare to follow your heart - forgetting about what 'they' say is right or wrong or good or bad?

Is anything ever any of those on it's own and are they only bullshitting when they say 'the end justifies the means'?

No one cares to know why you do the things you do ... because they can only see what they can see ... they can see the laughing and the joking, the flash car, the perfect nails.

Can anyone see anything else?

Can anyone see .. as Paolo Coelho puts it in 'The Zahir' ... "the empty space inside" for which we are forever (qoute Coelho again) "trying to remain upright and decent , in order to do honour not to the walls or the doors or the windows, but to the empty space inside, the space where we worship and venrate what is dearest and most important to us."

"Yes, we are all cathedrals."

And cathedrals we are.

Vast places of worship.

But what are we without the worshippers?

We can't all be the Notre Dam ... or the Sacre Cour.

We can't all .. or always .. swell with the solemn, sweet sounds of hymn .. a thousand reverent choruses.

We can't all fulfil our destinies. Some of us can sometimes. Some ... never.

How many of us are like backstreet cathedral we stumbled upon one late night in Istanbul ... that boy from Scarborough, Canada and I? That cathedral with no lights on ... and chains on the doors?

ScarboroughBoy and I ... we tried to make the cathedral come alive. We tried. But there were chains. And no lights. And severe consequences should a Canadian backpacker be caught tresspassing with a Pakistani one so late at night. So we turned back.

We turned to Taksim Square ... with its merry lights and its jaunty clubs ... to Istiklal Street and to places filled with cheer and cigaretter smoke. Places alive with the sound of music and the heat of bodies moving close to each other.

Places easier to understand. Easier to be a part of.

How many of us are like that backstreet cathedral? With our lights switched off and our gates in chains? How many would-be worshippers turn back when they see the darkness that envelopes us? The doors we haven't thrown open?

How many would-be worshippers do we send off to places easier to understand? Easier to be a part of?

And how much of it can we blame them for? How much of the blame lies with us?

I dedicate this post to ScarboroughBoy ... someone I haven't thought of in a very, very long time. Four years maybe. Four years since that late night of revelations and contemplation. Four years since I tasted my first snow. I still wear the MissSixty-copy paira jeans he helped me pick from the piles and piles in that street market. Four years!

Thankyou ScarboroughBoy for a really funky hard-wearing paira pants.

And for being the inspiration behind a really therepeutic post.

I hate the real world

2007-04-16T05:06:00.000-07:00

BPC: Girl, sometimes there so many conflicting ideas and emotions in your head that the more I think, the more I end up confused. Your head is a very scary place to live in.
Collapse: *grr*
BPC: Right, first things first. The damage done isn’t going to go away. You won’t be able to talk your way out of this one. What you need to do, hard as it is – is to let it go. Take it like it is, because maybe this is who you are.
Collapse: People deserve so much more but once you've done what you've done, you've pretty much screwed it over.
BPC: Life can’t be viewed in black and white.
Collapse: If you love something, does loving it less turn you into a bad person? There has to be a difference between being a bad person and being a normal person doing a bad thing.
BPC: Don’t make a bigger deal of it than it needs to be. You need to fix whatever it is that makes you believe you need 'this' to feel complete. Figure out your life, grow some opinions on things other 'this' . There’s more to living than 'this'.
Collapse: What the hell is 'this' anyway?
BPC: What does it mean to you? 'This' isn’t a word you should use cheaply. Have you thought that maybe the reason you get bored is because you’re just not ready ?
Collapse: That’s not unusual
BPC: Say someone offers you chocolate cake. It looks really good – all shiny and chocolaty and tempting, but if you eat it, something bad will happen.
Collapse: That’s when you let your head do the thinking.
BPC: Are you prepared for the consequences? If your asnwer is ‘no', walk away.
Collapse: *grr*
BPC: What – you think you’re the only girl out there facing this? You’re not six anymore, stand by your beliefs. Being an adult is about making choices and living with the end result, be it good or bad. You made the choice ... it was conscious, believe me. THIS doesn’t happen by accident. Therefore, I don’t buy this whole ‘woe is me’ attitude. You made your bed and you must lie on it. It doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be unhappy for life.
Collapse: What’s with all the negativity?
BPC: The good news is that you know you’ve been making the choice to do 'this' all along, you can decide to stop. It really is as easy as all that. People complicate things too much sometimes.
Collapse: Emotions are confusing
BPC: Yes, but 'this' is not. Drill this into your head – there’s no excuse for 'this'. Be enough of a woman to stand up and own your mistakes. Embrace them and make them your own...then make the conscious decision to change.
Collapse: It will be bloody hard and far too easy to escape into old habits, can I really do it?
BPC: You’re not the first woman in the universe to encounter this problem. This is how you learn to become an adult. Welcome to the real world.
Collapse: I hate the real world.
BPC: Honey, it's the only world I know of. If you find a better one, let me know ....

Bitch

2007-04-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I see a bit of you ... in the flick of hair, in the highlights, the color. The way it curls out at the ends.

I catch myself when I say 'bye' on the phone ... I hear your voice in mine ... in some ways ... your thoughts too.

Dark manicures in the winter. Burgundy or Wine. French in the summer.

"My mother told me off for not coloring my hair for such a long time. She says it makes me look older."

The shoes.

The black shirt from Splash. Too bad they didn't have it in white. Five years later, it still looks good.

The yellow pashmina.

The cigarette smoke.

I thought I hated you. I did hate you. Now I know why. I hated you because I wanted to be just like you.

And in many ways, I now am.

You wouldn't know it if you saw me. Hell, you wouldn't even know it was you I am talking about if you read this.

But I really am you.

I wish I could tell you this, because I think we could be great friends, but I met you a few months ago and I still thought you were a Total Bitch.

So no changes there.

I still hate you.

I don't think I'll ever stop.

Because everytime I turn around, you do something so wonderful that I hate you because I want to be just like you ... and then I catch up a little while later.

The problem is, everytime I become you, you seem to have moved on. Will I ever stop hating you?

I don't think I will.

And I like it that way.

Bitch.

Crazy days at Crazy Headquarters

2007-04-10T02:08:00.000-07:00

Crazy Act#1:

Ate: Does anyone have a memory stick?
Kaju: Mmm ... I have a stick but it doesn't have any memory ...
BPC: And I have a memory, but it's doesn't come on a stick ...
Kaju: Maybe you can put my stick and BPC's memory together ...

LOL

Crazy Act#2:
BPC and Fati return from lunch break. Kaju is found wiping his eyes with a tissue paper.

Fati: Why are you crying?
BPC: Are you crying because we left you all alone?
Kaju: (after a very long pause): I'm crying becasue you came back so soon.

LOOL

Crazy Act#3:

LOOOOOOL it was so funny I actually forgot what it was!

Yep, that's Jo

2007-04-09T08:02:00.000-07:00

Till I Collapse says: is the red coupe ur car?
BPC says: yes
Till I Collapse says: figures
BPC says: whaddya mean?
Till I Collapse says: fits you
Till I Collapse says: how you talk
BPC says: i talk like a red coupe? LOL! i shall take that as a compliment
Till I Collapse says: small chick, with a wild side, that knows her ride
Till I Collapse says: i walked by it
Till I Collapse says: and i was like
Till I Collapse says: yep, thats Jo

*smile*

yeh baat adhoori rehnay do ...

2007-04-07T13:05:00.000-07:00

mat poocho dil main kya rakha hai
mat poocho honton peh kya tehra hai
mat poocho ankhon ki boli ko
mat poocho
mat poocho
rehney do

sab kuch keh dainey say
har ankahi sun lainey say
aksar aisa bhi hota hai
jo ho zeyr-e-lab khul jaat hai
jo dil main ho mil jaata hai

dil ki kuch baatein lekin
honton tak na aaeyn to acha hai

kal subha honay tak
yeh shaam adhoori rehney do
yeh baat adhoori rehney do

kaun jaaney ...

kab kuch kehnay, sunnay say
koi dil ki hasrat poori ho jaey
jo hum main tum main uljhan hai
woh kaheen kho jaey

yeh uljhan humko pyari hai
dil main yeh baat hamari hai

kuch batein dil ki dil main rehney do

kal subha honay tak
yeh shaam adhoori rehney do
yeh baat adhoori rehney do

BPC the spokeswoman?

2007-04-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

And so ends another week at work. Honestly, I don't know where time flies these days. It's been a very exciting few weeks at work with lots of projects (and hence lots of pressure) with the added reason to finish all work soon in light of upcoming holiday (BPC and Arfiman to possibly go to HK mid-April).

Don't know where the last five days went. All I know is that LOTS of work remain undone with about five more working days to do it in. Yum. Don't know how I would function if I wasn't under pressure.

And let me just add at this point that I can't help feeling thankful every single day for Alhamdolillah being in a job that excites me every single day.

This week I had the luxury of being in training for two WHOLE days ... with my laptop not working with the WiFi at hand! I call it a luxury because - theoretically speaking - once you go on a training, you set up an 'Out of office' reply on your Outlook so all the five million people emailing you know that you are out and will not expect you to respong to their email in 2.5 seconds - but in actuality, you have to take your laptop to the training session and steal five or ten minutes here and there to check your emails and keep up. It gets a bit tiresome and does not allow you to be as focussed on the training as you would like to be.

And that's why my laptop not working with the training venue's WiFi gave me the rare opportunity to enjoy two full days of training without any other pressures.

I just had an awesome awesome two days.

The training was on Media and Crisis Management for potential spokespeople within Crazy Headquarters and let me blow my own trumpet here a bit - I was quite flattered that BossLady would nominate BPC as a potential spokesperson for Crazy Headquarters. So there li'l ole BPC sat in the training surrounded by Directors and felt glad that someone sees some potential in her. LOL. Fact ot be pointed out: BPC was the only female amongst the six trainees. Hm.

Now, it is not a commonly known fact yet a very true one that BPC is terrified of video cameras. Still cameras I can do. I love posing for pictures. But turn on a video camera and watch me put my foot in my mouth ... if i don't burst into tears first!

It was very very difficult to go through the first video interview. That dang camera looking right at me! Yikes! But kudos to the trainer ... he was A M A Z I N G.

In two days flat, I have NO fear of the camera anymore. Not only do I no longer put my foot in my mouth and say everything a spokesperson should NOT say, but I have been told by the training company that they think I might be an ideal spokesperson as I have 'a very camera-friendly persona' and that they would be recommending me to BossLady as such. Yay!

Okay, trumpet-blowing aside, I was amazed at the insight I got into the tricky world of spokesmanship. How sly these slimy buggers are! We learned techniques on how to avoid any qustuons we didn't answer and how to go into interviews knowing what you want to say and say EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY REGARDLESS OF THE QUESTIONS BEING ASKED. It was totally awesome.

Crisis-Filled Day

2007-03-29T04:22:00.000-07:00

BPC has a crisis-filled day at work:

1. Deadline for reworking 45-page MAJOR report was yesterday. Boss Lady agreed to move it to today 2 pm in light of the report being too shabbily written by original writers. It is now 3:40. Status of report? Waaaaaay from being done. BPC is not leaving the office anytime today.

2. Close relative of BigBigBig Boss passes away and BPC must write official condolence letter. We all know she is total crap at stuff like this.

3. Boss Lady is put in compromising situation due to BPC's lack of leadership skills. :(

4. BPC takes tough call on people who expect you to review and approvean 8-page document in seven minutes .... something you wouldn't be able to do even if you had NO work, let alone the mountains that you have in the Real World. Due to which:

5. BPC is forced to write a stinker to several people reminding them of company policies and that "working in a structured manner ensures that all parties are able to perform within designated deadlines, up to the desired quality level and with the least possible undue stress". (On which Boss Lady congratulates BPC. Yay!)

6. Media crisis! Sneaky reporter gets hold of Crazy headquarters' Sales Manager at networking event and twists casual chat into an unflattering 'scoop'. Bloody reporeters.

7. BPC hasn't had a single minute to google or souq since the start of the workday and only now at 3:47 is she taking out a few minutes to blog and bitch and have a bite of Kushary courtesy one of the local gals at Crazy Headquarters.

8. BPC totally overlooked a notice informing People of water outage and now People might be standing in the loos washing their hands with air. Not if BPC acts NOW!

*whew*

And that is just the kind of day BPC loves. The kind where you come in the office and the day is like a whirlwind and before you know it, it's 4:30 and you wonder where the day hasgone. better yet, BPC loves it when it's a whirlwind of a week and it seems it was the weekend just yesterday AND TODAY'S A WEEKEND AGAIN!

YAAAAAAY!!!!

Fatwa to Fuck with your Head

2007-03-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Taken from http://islam.tc/ask-imam/:

Q.I belong to a fairly moderate income group. Recently my eldest daughter attained the age of puberty. This development has placed me in agreat predicament. I was quite affected recently by a lecture I heard on the sins of intermingling of sexes. My daughter attends a public school whereshe is obviously involved in this. While it might appear to be easy to justremove her from school, I have to also consider her future. She definitelyrequires a career in order to make her financially self-sufficient in thesetimes of great economic strife. What should I do under these circumstances?

A.Almighty Allah Taála says in the Holy Qurãn 'And (women) stay in your homes and don't display yourselves like the practice of the first Jaahiliyya (pre-Islamic era)'. (Qurãn 33:33)
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, 'A woman is an object of concealment. When she comes out; the Shaitaan accompanies her'. (Mishkãt)

The above quotations clearly indicate that the place of a woman is at home.When she emerges out of the house, she becomes the tool of the Shaitaan to spread mischief and corruption. In these modern times, there is a worldwide campaign on recognition of women's rights, according to the democratic ideology which includes equality between men and women in earning, rank and position. Such a position for women in society breathes corruption andmischief. And the ghastly consequences such a position has already caused are clear as day-light for all those of true intelligence.

The harms of giving your daughter 'secular education' under the existing conditions is greater than the benefits. It is not permissible to risk the honour of your daughter at the expense of securing her economic future.Looking at the dangers and harms in schools, even the greatest worldly need cannot justify the reason for sending your daughter to school.

The sustenance of every individual is the responsibility of Allãh: 'There is not a single creature on earth except that Allãh Taála has taken the responsibility of its sustenance'. (Qurãn 11:6)

*ends*

OHHH MYYYYY GAAAWWWWWWDDDD!!!!!!!! (...excuse me... I just spat out blood and bile and I must go clean it up....)

Okay, I'm back.

OHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GGAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWD! (....excuse me again...)

This just helped me burn quite a good amount of my blood. Its helpful after eating a whole lot of fried chicken and fries you see. Keep these fatwas coming and I shall never have to exercise again.

Where the fuck do fucktards like this find the authority to lead other fucktards into the Dark Ages?

I think I just died from an intense state of rage.

(credit: 'Fun with Weird Fatwas' community on Orkut)

Karaoke Nights

2007-03-18T03:08:00.000-07:00

Lagey raho!

2007-03-16T14:52:00.000-07:00

Every single time I think that I have had my last laugh at what's happening in That Country Of Which I Hold A Passport, I have another think coming.

I was pretty sure that the ridiculous multi-million dollar fountain would be the last monstrosity of that city for years to come, but I have just found out about an even more preposterous and ill-conceived notion that the Karachi bigwigs seem to be entertaining:

The world's tallest building.

Really.

In Karachi.

In city where they don't have the resources to fight a fire in the 16-storey building of the Pakistan National Shipping Corporationbuilding, they plan to build a 1947 ft. tower.

Wow.

Maan gaey bhai. Bada dil hai in karachi ki bagdor sambhalney walon ka!

Carpaccio and a cruise

2007-03-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

That's one of the things I love about living in Dubai: at five o'clock, you can be dead tired ... having spent ten hours on your feet in a trade show at the Dubai International Convention Centre.

Half an hour later, you can be sailing on the top deck of El Mundo with your Favorite Boy ... glass of fruit cocktail in hand, watching the sun set over the horizon and being rocked to and fro with the gentle lull of the waves.

And on the trip back, be alone on the open air top deck with the shiny stars twinkling in the pitch balck sky.

Thankyou Arfiman ... there is nothing quite like a few hours at sea to make a girl feel like a star!

Sh3r, Spud and So Not Pregnant!

2007-03-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

#1: Why is it that you never realize a Good Hair Phase while you are actually in it?

I accidentally stumbled across some old pictures today, taken probably around November last year. Man, that hair! The cut, the color. Ibrahim, you are God's gift to me.

It feels funny to have you own personal Hair Hotline. BPC speed dial 2. "Ibrahim, my hair is doing something funny". "Don't worry habibti, come tomorrow. I will take a look. Yalla!". He is totally yummy. LOL.

Anyway. A Good Hair Phase. The wonder that is Ibrahim did a wonderful cut and color and my hair looked SO good. Now - just four months later - it's crap. I hate it. The color is tat. Totally my own doing. First I got colored red sections TWICE IN A ROW. The only saving grace was that Ibrahim did them. Then - and this I should not have done - I cheated on Ibrahim and tried a new stylist. One color disaster later, my hair is dry as hay and the color is - well - also like hay.

The funny thing is, I have never EVER felt shamefaced infront of a stylist till Ibrahim set eyes upon my do-saster (LOL . do-saster!!)

"3njaad habibti .. shoo y3n5? Int5 you don't like doing me doing your hair? Shooft5 sh3r'k!!"

*sob*

And don't even ask how many pieces my heart broke into when he tsktsked away halfway through the appointment and put down the barrel brush.He swirled the chair around and looked me straight in the eye.

"I used to enjoy doing you hair," he said in a grave grave tone. "Not anymore."

Ground split open. BPC IN!

*soooooob*

God bless the good soul, my hair looks presentable after a few rescue attempts, but that old picture from last year brought back memories of hair that didn't split when you brushed it and definitely didn't go all golden when washed but not blow dried.

"Soon habibt5 ... bas shahreyn, w' it'll look okay."

I feel you man, I feel you.

#2: What kind of a life is it where you can't exactly remember the last time you had French Fries?

Really. And you only vaguely remember what they taste like.

I remember when it was I last had some: at Johnny Rockets (who,by the way, do the best burger nad vanilla shake in Dubai and the next time you're on Beach Road, DO NOT go to the tatty McD's, but go to the JR's right across!). I think that was at least a month ago and that is WAY too long for any self-respecting, coke-guzzling 20-something to have gone without the oil-rich golden goodness of Slim Sticks of Spud.

#3: You don't have to be pregnant to redecorate!

Uh-huh. It IS possible to be NOT pregnant and still want a new living room.

All you need is to be bored of your old living room and near an Ikea. (I don't know how I ever lived without it!)

So yeah, after three different people hearing of the redecorating and inquiring if I was 'nesting', all and sundry ... no bun in the oven!

Despite Luni at Crazy Headquarters' proclamation that "You got a bonus, now you MUST have a baby!" (to which I told her that Honey, you don't need the greenbacks to make a greenback-guzzler!) and despite the mighty temptations of a very generous maternity package and a newly acquired children's education allowance post salary-review ... I don't think Arfiman and I are quite ready yet to have little Ali Khans wailing into the early hours.

:)

Yankees .. go home!!!!

2007-03-05T21:50:00.000-08:00

In response to the highly amusing letter in 7Days by Sharjah resident Mansoor Riaz (I nearly fell of my chair laughing, Mr. Riaz) and his threat to ‘sue’ Dubai residents (LOL) for congesting Sharjah …

Do you live and work in Sharjah? If you do, then my apologies to you. But if you don’t, then the only difference between you and the ‘Dubai residents shifting to Sharjah’ is that they are doing now what you did a few years ago.

Just like you have your complaint of ‘our rents are high because of Dubai people living in our Emirates’, we have ours which goes ‘our roads are clogged because of Sharjah dwellers working in our Emirates’.

To Mr. Mansoor Riaz, and to everyone else who lives in Sharjah but works in Dubai … face the facts … the only reason you live in Sharjah and work in Dubai is so you can earn Dubai salaries and pay Sharjah rents. The only reason you live in Sharjah is to save money.

The reason WE live in Dubai is to NOT be caught in two hour traffic jams (which, Sharjah residents seem to be bringing further into Dubai these days) and we pay a very high price for that. We pay TWICE the rent you guys pay. Why? It’s a price we pay for the convenience. That convenience, sadly, is severely marred by Sharjah cars in the hundreds that come into our Emirate twice a day, five days a week.

YOU choose to live in Sharjah because you want to save money. To save money, you need to make some sacrifices. Heard the ‘cake’ adage? The Dubai-Sharjah commute is a price you pay for the low rents. Soon hopefully (and thank goodness RTA for this!) the tolls will be another way that the abuse of OUR roads by people from other Emirates will be discouraged.

And what really are you complaining about? A two-bed flat in Sharjah costs around 50,000 ... the same in Dubai costs at least 90,000.

Surely, out of the 40,000 you save, you can fork over a few thousand in toll fees? Or are you just that greedy?

While we’re at it, I have a request to RTA … do please increase the toll to at least 10 Dhs each way so that it makes a more significant difference.

Don't Act Retard

2007-02-11T22:27:00.000-08:00

Orkut never fails to amuse.

From the profile of one 18-year-old, married Multani girl (LOL):

♥♥Eye Color: Black
♥♥Hair Color: Black
♥♥Right Handed or Left Handed:I hve both hands
♥♥The Shoes You Wore Today: Marie clarie
♥♥Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: 25-30 new dresses and 15 shoes and 10 hand bags and 2 buyy 30-35 pairs of earingsssss.
♥♥Your Bedtime: 3pm(noon) till 10 am.
♥♥In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: a lott cos I was so sad.
♥♥In the past month have you eaten Poison: nah
♥♥Favourite Eye Color: dont matter (Allah ki dain hai ,by the way of Tom Cruise.)
♥♥Favourite Hair Color: dont matter (Allah ki dain hai ,by the way of Tom Cruise.)
♥♥Do u hve enemies: yupp(my 4 sisters big big big enemies)

Before you scrap...better know how to talk to daddy ...we are here to socialize...so don’t act retard...

LOL.

I love it. I have both hands, I wear Marie Clarie and I would like to ask you to not act retard.

ROFLMAO.

Digital Dilemma

2007-01-29T14:49:00.000-08:00

This month, I did a story on how mobile communication is benefiting the people of rural India.

Its stuff like this that make you feel good about gadgets … that makes you realize it’s not all about making phones smaller so they can fit in the pocket of a ridiculously skinny pair of jeans or making TVs bigger so you can fill your TV lounge with more TV and less furniture.

Technology shouldn’t really be just about the aesthetics of the wow-factor. Sure, we love those slider phones and megapixels, but take a moment to think if we aren’t losing the plot a little?

In the race to buy the smallest phone of the biggest TV, are we maybe making compromises on what these consumer electronics are really meant to do?

Let me raise my hand before anyone else:

The phone I am using currently is gorgeous. I love the colour and I love the style. It's a MotoRAZR in ... what else .. pink. So what if it’s a pain to type messages with? So what if the picture quality of the camera isn’t all that great?

Hmm … not really.

Difficulty in typing SMSs means I communicate with friends and family a lot less these days. Who has time for phone calls anymore? I miss the days when I was able to send an ‘I miss you’ or ‘how are ya’ with one hand on the steering wheel (okay, I know I shouldn’t be SMSing while driving, but you have got to keep busy in that gridlock!).

The disappointing results of the first few shots snapped with this phone meant I soon stopped bothering to whip my phone out to snap pictures of random moments like I used to with my old phone. The result? When I archived my 2005 stuff onto my external harddrive, I has hundreds of visual memories of hundreds of moments … courtesy my Nokia 6600. On the other hand, 2006, with my new phone, is devoid of any such mementos.

Quite sad really. Makes me want to go flush my lovely pink RAZR phone down the toilet. But I can’t … it’s gorgeous. And therein lays the dilemma.

Are you letting your gadgets rule your life too?

Think about it.

Old McDonalds had a bathroom, clean-y-, clean-y, O!

2007-01-25T06:54:00.000-08:00

BPC was in a marketing & communications training today with international marketing heavyweight Peter Krieg from Copernicus ... itna cheap I am being name dropping, but I simply must as anyone who works in the filed will know how surreal it is to be in the presence of, to learn from (and in the lunch break, have a chat with) someone like him. Think of it like getting an acting class from ... say ... Michelle Rodriguez. She's not exactly Julia Roberts or Uma Thurman, but she's still something. (IMHO Rodriguez totally kicks ass.)

So yeah, training with the Rodriguez of marketing. Some really good insights, but I still had the same complaint I have with 99% of the International trainers that come to our side of the desert: lack of local content in the training program. All data, statistics, case studies etc etc were for brands that the average North American probably swears by, but which was pretty much Mongolian to those of us from Crazy Headquarters in Dubai. I mean, who the hell is Harvest Valley and MobilExxon?!!!

It does make me question the training skills of these trainers brought over from faraway lands. Don't get me wrong: the program itself was great, but does it really take Einstein to figure out which international brands the average entry level Middle Eastern marketeer/communicator is familiar with?

Any way, that's not the point of this post. The point is, BPC had a 'moment' during the training (y'know, a 'moment' ... when something happens, or you see or hear something that you and only you understand the significance of and the whole world just lights up ... or totally blacks out ... depending on what kind of a 'moment' it is.)

So this was one of those 'moments' that makes you smile from the inside because it transports you to a time and place that was one of the best in your whole life.

Krieg was talking about Brand identitites, what associations marketeers want their consumers ot make with brand and how, sometimes, they are totally out of touch with what the consumers really associate the brands with.

According to research, McDonalds means three things to the majority of people: BigMac, Happy Meal and ... get this .. clean bathrooms!

LOL

No kidding: clean bathrooms. A huge percentage of Americans automatically think of clean bathrooms when they think of McDonalds.

And that's where I had my 'moment'.

As Krieg revealed this interesting fact, I was taken back to backpacking days in Europe, summer of 2001.

After countless 'smelly' encounters, a fellow backpacker (no prizes for guessing which country he came from!) clued me in: when nature calls, you look for those yellow arches. BPC discovered a whole new world ... one without bits of toilet paper stuck to your shoe when you leave the loo ...

Ah yes, the days of leisure when the toughest choice I had to make was whether to turn in early and catch a train to some strange new city the next morning, or to stay up all night gazing at the Tour Eiffel.

*sigh*

Why can't we be forever young and carefree?

BPC is BPC

2007-01-14T21:34:00.000-08:00

You know you've picked the right nick when THEY give you the same one you chose for yourself.

BakPakChik has been made BusinessPerformanceChampion at Crazy Headquarters.

BPC has been made BPC.

LOL

The Lines From Last Night (Readings from Shantaram)

2007-01-08T23:14:00.000-08:00

Thanx to tabz, I have been living. eating and breathing Shantaram for the last two weeks.

"What the fuck is this?" I nearly dropped the package when she handed it to me. I didn't expect her to get me a two-thousand page BOOK from Karachi. A nice Khaadi handbag like she always does, but not a book. Not a two-thousand page one!

"Everyone in Karachi is reading it." she sadi simply.

I furrowed a brow. It was big and heavy. It was called Shantaram. It had a very indian illustration on the cover. Do i really want to read 2000 pages of Indianness.

I gave it a try. And I haven't been able to let it go.

Everyone out there who hasn't read it. Go buy a copy now, or die. If you have not read this book, you have read nothing. It's THAT powerful.

The things this man writes. Linbaba thinks like a God. I want to drink his every word. That is why it is taking me so long to read this book. I don't want to finish it. I want it to go on forever. Every page has a new story and every story is told in the most wondrous way. He takes the most mundane of things and turns them into fairytale fantasies. A smoky tea room becomes glamorous and an ailing slum becomes a haven.

Last night, there were two lines in the book that resonated with me (and that I guess is what I like the most about the book ... the most profound of thoughts that I have never been able to capture in words have been captured par excellence). The lines from last night:

Lisa was talking to Linbaba about why she hates children. She tells him that you think they are so innocent but they are not. They know exactly what they want and don't rest until they get it. And then she tells him that, as a matter of fact, she realizes that the most awful people in this world are actually those that act like grown-up children.

And I agreed with Shantaram on both counts.

Some of the most irritating people I know simply need to grow up. And I too, hate the idea of having children because I think they are rude, selfish, unneccessary creatures.

I know this will bring on a barrage by maternal/paternal readers, but please save it. I have nothing against your kids. I just don't want any of my own. Not yet.

Dangerous grounds to tread on with so many friends pregnant and a best friend delivering in just a few days, but really.

To seal the deal, on our flight back from Karachi, Arfiman and I were serenaded by a constantly wailing infant. Arfiman looked at me. "And that" he said "is why we are not having children". LOL. Took the words right from my mouth.

They are smelly and cranky and time-consuming and too much effort .. and it's not really their fault ... that's just the way they are.

But Shantaram, you nailed it in the head.

When hard-work pays ...

2007-01-08T00:27:00.000-08:00

All readers sick and tired of annoying blog-readers who complain about the contents of other peoples' blogs says 'Aye'.

Okay, I don't really care how many people respond with an 'Aye', because it was a rhetorical question - as are most questons posted on this blog and on others of a personal nature.

After years of blogging, I still fail to understand why there are some faggots out there who cannot grasp the concept of 'personal' blogging. I am not running a newspaper or a community website, that I need to be polictically correct and socially respnsible, you morons.

I am writing a personal blog. A diary of my thoughts, wishes and observation. This blog is about how I feel, how I think and how I am. You might find me pompous, arrogant, rude, proud, selfish and annoying, but then that is the way I am ... no one forces you to come read my blog. If you don't like what you read, go google Care Bears and read stuff more up your fuzzy alley.

This entry was brought on by one 'Chili' who commented on my last entry with these words:

i have always noticed how deeply u love 2 brag.whether it is about ur designer bag or ur limit or the cost of your car or your manicure.i do all of that and more but i dont feel the need 2 just go on blahblahblah on my blog about it!it just shows you are rather immature and it shows that u r nothing but a loser and now that you have some money in ur hands all u can do is brag. haha. pathetic.

Now Chili - hot-headed and apparently not very bright - is obviously one of the many clueless individuals when it comes to 'personal' blogs - and fails to see that it is my blog and my money and if I want to brag about my money on my blog, I will. Of course, comments are enabled on my blog, so Chili can comment whichever way Chili pleases. But if my blog gets Chili so hot and bothered, I wonder why Chili must come and visit?

Methinks Chili is perversely attracted to the fact that I am and can be everything that this Chili cannot. Methinks Chili is green. With envy.

Yes Chili, I have enough money to buy whatever I want and if you think that is 'shameless bragging' then so be it. I see no shame in writing about the fruits of my hard work. I see no shame in sharing the results of my efforts.

The fact that I have things that I brag about do not "show (I am) rather immature and it shows that (I am) nothing but a loser and now that (I) have some money in (my) hands all (i) can do is brag. haha. pathetic. " If anything, it does the opposite.

It shows that I am old enough and mature enough to have 'made it', and that I am strong enough to not be ambarrassed to admit that I am successful.

Success - and money - is not something to be ashamed of if you have worked hard to get it. 'Bragging' as you so call it - but which I see as a casual or nedded reference to something - is justified if you have earned it.

I am not bragging about driving a car daddy bought me, or a designer handbag I swiped the Hubby's credit card to get.

Pathetic, you called it?

I'll tell you what's pathetic.

Pathetic is two kinds of people:

1. Those who are complacent and lazy and never get anywhere in life, and then point fingers at those that work hard and win.

2. Those who work like dogs and for some reason are embarrased of their success ... and go on to hate those who are brave enough rejoice in their own success ... all because they themselves do not have the self-esteem to raise their heads high and say these simple words "I work hard and it works well for me".

That, my dear Chili, is what is pathetic.

Me? I am just simply saying those simple words you seem to not be able to.

Customer Service?

2006-12-23T23:09:00.000-08:00

(Note: This is an old email I found in my Outlook Sent folder, and I think - for lack of new material - it warrants posting on my blog. It was written to 7 Days and as usual, they didn't print it because it mentioned one of their regulars advertisers.)

Seriously … what is it with Dubai and customer service ... or the total LACK of it, to be precise?!! One weekend and three serious arguments with Dubai-standard – whoops – bog-standard - customer service.

I take my out-of-town guests to lunch. At the end of the meal, I whip out my credit card. The waitress returns with it after a few minutes (and herein lies a gripe within a gripe) she flicks it onto the table (Hello miss, mind your manners ... we are PAYING guests and your are WAITING STAFF!).

“There is no money in your card, “ she taunts.

And when you have a 30,000 credit limit on your card with no major purchases ever made, that’s a bit alarming.

So I call my bank (Mashreq Bank, if 7Days dares to print the name, which it probably won’t!) and after about ten minutes I get through to an agent who tells me that “this is not the bank’s fault” and that the Mastercard system has been experiencing a problem for the last few hours. No one knows how long it will be before the problem is resolved, because – obviously – the call centre agent has no idea about anything and his supervisor is off somewhere hiding from furious customers.

My question to Mashreq Bank: when you can send me SPAM SMS advertising your new credit card/loan offers and other useless crap like that, who oh why can’t you send me an SMS saying “The Mastercard system is experiencing technical difficulties, please do not use your card for the next four hours. Use cash”?!!

I know why.

Because you are stupid beyond comprehension.

We don't need no stinkin' badges!!!

2006-12-19T00:49:00.000-08:00

The internet is wierd. WIERD I tells ya!

We're currently suffering an IT Audit at the Crazy Headquarters. Which basically means we have to not download any random programs from the internet for a few days (which we're not supposed to anyway, but can we PLEASE listen just for a FEW days) and we're supposed to actually log in our requests with the IT department's online request system instead of walking into the IT room and grabbing the closest guy and demand he "HELP ME NOW NOW NOW!" (which we're not supposed to do either, but which is far far more effective than logging a a request and then tracking it. Some light flirting helps as well - as does wearing a skirt - seeing as all the IT guys are, well, guys).

AND we're supposed to wear our ID badges.

When Ate told me I have to wear my ID badge during the audit period, my automatic response was "Badges! I don't need no Stinkin' Badges!" and immediately collapsed into a fit of laughter.

Only thing is .. after about ten seconds I had to stop because:

a) It wasn't turning into the co-conpiratorial laugh that situations like these tend to turn into around the Crazy Headquarters.
b) Ate and Kaju were begining to look like they thought I had lost the plot

Which only meant one thing:

They had no idea what "stinkin' badges" was all about.

*GASP*

The thought of it.

I wrang them by their necks, shook them by their shoulders, but T H E Y H A D N O C L U E.

So I quickly Googled it. Mother of all cures. And up pops http://www.darryl.com/badges/

The self proclaimed "primary Internet resource for references to 'Stinking Badges. " LOL

That's what I mean when I say the internet is W E I R D.

Now go to the link and amuse thyselves by listening to various audio clips of people telling other people that they don't "need no Stinkin' Badges!".

LOL. I love the internet.

Ten Things I Love About You ...

2006-12-14T01:02:00.000-08:00

10. When I'm with you, I can let my hair down and be this totally fun, totally crazy chick.
9. You have held me and hugged me when I needed it the most ... when I felt I didn't have anyone else to hold me and hug me.
8. I can count on you to help me do what I need help in getting done.
7. You're my crazy accomplice, gossip/lunch buddy and at the same time, you can put on a work face to match that business suit and we can talk actual business when we need to.
6. Were it not for you, I would not be able (would not want to even!) to lookforward to sitting ar the same desk, upwards of eight hours a day, five days a week.
5. You tell me "you love me, you love me!!" in tweety bird voices! LOL
4. You make the most mundane of moments into 'memories'.
3. There is never EVER a boring moment when I am with you.
2. That's it.
1. I can only be so eloquent :)

Right now, I am sending out a lot of love to my team here at work. Crazy Luni with her curly hair and designer hadnbag fetish. Equally crazy Ate with her endearing little insecurities and her 'mother hen' instincts. Calm and collected Kaju, who us girls have totally converted and who now knows all about blowdries, manicures and Louis Vuitton. Marwan - the ex-army guy - who still hasn't been able to shake his formal demeanour and doesn't quite know what to make of this flock of super-hyper, super-shrill females. And finally 3nood who can be our partner in crime despite looking (and for the most part, acting) like she would be the last person on earth to -well - play any part in how we spend our office hours.

Take the crazy lunch ordering ordeal today.

Safa walks in and asks for a Chilli's menu. No one listens, so she starts screaming.

Safa: DOES ANYONE HAVE A CHILLI'S MENU?!!!!
BPC: Why?
Safa: Becasue I want pizza for lunch. We should all have pizza for lunch.
BPC: But Chilli's doesn't do pizza.
Safa: I know. I just want Pizza Hut's number.
BPC: Why the &#@$ do you need Chilli's menu to get Pizza Hut's number? What the *!&#^$?!!!

LOL. Turns out that Chilli's nad Pizza Hut are next door to each other and she thought it made sense to call Chilli's and have one of their waiters run out and get the Pizza Hut number for us. Erm, Safa, what is the 181 number for? The one where you call and they *GASP* tell you the phone number for companies you want the numbers for!

LOL

So any way ... as you would expect of seven people who have never shared a pizza before, a consensus sould not be reached on what kind of pizza(s) to order.

Chicken Supreme? Super Supreme? Ate wants just cheese and pepperoni. Thin crust or thick? Stuffed or not? Extra cheese or not? Mild spicy or extra hot? Pepsi regular or diet? Two mediums or two large? Three mediums or one large and one medium?

BPC called Pizza Hut for some laughs.

Pizza Hut: Pizza Hut, good afternooon!
BPC: We'd like to order pizza please.
Pizza Hut: Yes ma'am, your order please?
BPC: I want a Super Supreme large.
Pizza Hut: Yes ma'am. Anything else?
BPC: Yeah, I'm on a diet. Can you please not put any bread in my pizza.
Pizza Hut: (obviously confused) No bread? What do you mean ma'am?
BPC: You know, that bread thing you put under the pizza. Don't put it there. Make my pizza without the bread. No bread. Only pizza.
Pizza Hut: (long pause) But ma'am ... that is the pizza. It is bread with topping and cheese.
BPC: (impatiently) I know I know. I want no bread. Only pizza.
Pizza Hut: (longer pause) Ma'am, you mean you want only the topping with cheese?
BPC: (feigning extreme impatience) No no no ... why would i want to eat cheese and topping? I am on a diet! I want Pizza with no bread!!!!
Pizza Hut: (no response at all. very very very confused)

BPC is a model of compusure in the face of this dire hilarity, but her treacherous team gives her away. When you are in a room full of people rolling on the floor, holding their stomachs,doubled up with laughter ... that's a good time to end a prankcall.

After about 25 minutes, we did manage to decide on an order:

Two large half-and-half Pizzas.
One Super Supreme and Chicken Supreme,with plain thin crust, extra spicy
One super supreme and cheese/pepperoni, with stuffed thick crust, non-spicy
Cheese on second pizza to be both yellow and white, extra please
And less cheese on the first

Whew.

Um. The bill comes to 81 dirhams. How do you split that between 7 people?

That reminds me, I only have a credit card and no cash .....

Weekend Wisdom #004

2006-12-11T22:16:00.000-08:00

The problem with always being the 'bigger' person is that you end up being surrounded by smaller people.

And ...

It's easy to keep someone happy when you have nothing to lose in doing so. But when someone else's happiness requires a sacrifice on your part, that's the test of how much that someone's happiness matters to you. Will you sacrifice something to make that person happy?

Or will you keep that person happy only on your own terms ... only when it is convenient for you to?

And ...

My feelings are MY feelings and I feel the way I feel. What YOU feel about the way I feel says something about YOU (possibly about US), but not about ME.

I am not selfish for feeling the way I feel. It's YOU that is selfish for expecting me to change the way I feel just so that it suits you better.

And ...

If your happiness lies in me doing something even though it hurts my feelings, then I will do it. Because I love you. But only when I see you that you appreciate my effort and acknowledge my hurt. When I find you brushing my hurt aside, you lose the right to demand my respect for you or for your feelings. You make me love you less. And someone who is loved less is someone who is not worth getting hurt over.

Weekend Wisdom #003

2006-12-03T02:01:00.000-08:00

The past week or so have been an emotional overload for BPC. Toooooo much upheaval and confrontation and confession and crying and seething and just toooooo much drama. According to Arfiman, BPC's life turned into a Star Plus Drama. LOL

I had a few thoughts about what would qualify as Weekend Wisdom this week.

Is it the reinforcement of Weekend Wisdom #002, despite (or perhaps due to?) efforts to prove that maybe I was underrating the concept of friends. Nope. I was right. And nope, that wouldn't cut it as WW#003.

Gosh, I can't even begin to write everything that happened this week. Mostly because .. well, it would just be too weird. Let's just say that BPC learned A LOT.

Suffice to say, Weekend Wisdom #003 is definitely this:

"This too shall pass"

And that goes for anything.

Stupid people do stupid things and you get mad, but life goes on. Sometimes people close to you do hurtful things and you feel betrayed, but life goes on then too. And sometimes, you yourself do/say things that in normal circumstances you so would not. Guess what happend then

Thank you Ammi, Baba, Mummy, Arfiman, Max, Bhayya and Bhabhi for everything the last few days. I wish Kirna was with us .. we missed you :)

PS: Didn't I warn y'all I get Psycho around my birthday?

I didn't?

Ooops.

Okay, consider yourselves warned now. You have a little less than a year to make plans to be AWOL next December First.

Tee Hee :)

Weekend Wisdom #002

2006-11-26T03:34:00.000-08:00

Yeah, after my last (and first!) Weekend Wisdom entry, I went kind of lazy. Not really lazy, but busy. Whatwith GITEX and all.

Inanycase, Weekend Wisdom for this week is quite simple really.

Friends are for 12-year-olds. I have no use for them.

Yup, that's it.

Birthday wishes ...

2006-11-09T01:06:00.000-08:00

A colleague's birthday celebration today made me realize that I am really very fortunate to be working in an office with such loving colleagues. Honestly, we are all in our offices in a professional capacity, but when you think about how you probably spend more of your waking time in the office with your colleagues than you do at home with your parents/siblings/partners, and then you realize how much a part of your life these “colleagues” are!

I feel blessed to have a bunch around like the one that I do! from super-hyper Loony to crazy Zizou who swears more than she uses normal words. LOL.

And no, I didn’t write this post to get all soppy and emotional :) I do have an ulterior motive.

It was this colleagues birthday today and I relaized that mine is also coming up in just about 20 days (yay!) and it got me thinking about what I want for my birthday (in order for me to forewarn potential gift-giver, lest they end up getting me something I already have!)

I thought and thought about what I could possibly ask for on my birthday and you know what? I realized that anything I need that can be bought in a shop, Alhamdolillah, I already have.

It felt oddly unsettling to realize that, no, there really isn't anything that I want right now. Both a kind of awakening on how fortunate I am, as well as humbling in how we can crib and gripe, yet still not be in need of want for anything.

But what good is a girl if she can't pick out her own birthday gift? And that’s where Oxfam comes in. Visit http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/.

According to their website, “Oxfam Unwrapped offers a range solutions to every gift buying dilemma, whether it be Christmas, Eid, Diwali, Chanukah, birthday or wedding gifts … all of the gifts available will help Oxfam to overcome poverty and suffering all over the world. There are over 50 great gift ideas and prices start from £5. These can be bought on-line, by phone, post or through your local Oxfam shop.

You buy a gift from Oxfam Unwrapped. You receive a card and a fridge magnet that represents the gift that you have chosen to give to your friend or family member. Someone in the developing world receives this gift. Whether it be an alpaca to earn a living from, the means to plant an allotment or safe water to drink – the result is that their lives are much improved!”

So this is a note to everyone who wants to buy me a gift this year: please buy something from Oxfam Unwrapped.

That poor family in Africa probably needs at least one nutritious meal a day more than I need a new handbag/watch/mobile phone,

THAT would be the perfect gift for me!

Weekend Wisdom

2006-11-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

Living life means being on a constant learning curve. And I'm not talking about learning things like the chemical formula for Glutaminylasparaginylthreonyl. I'm talking about Life Lessons.

We learn something new everyday. That's the good part. The sad part is, we often forget what we have learned. And it's not just because we don't care ... sometimes it's simply because of the logistical challenge posed to us thanks to the plethora of facts already cluttering our mind. Sometimes though, it really is because we quite simply don't care enough.

In the lead upto the New Year, BPC is working on her NYRs (yes yes, the infamous New Year Resolutions) and one of them is to - for a change - learn from my own mistakes.

Henceforth, every weekend will conclude with an analysis of what was done that week (and what of it was right or wrong and why) and while a detailed introspection will be maintained in private, this blog shall feature a brief excerpt in the form of Weekend Wisdom- the source of which might be cause for speculation among the visitors of this blog, and inquiries to the specific nature of which shall not be entertained :)

So read and learn, my humble Padawans.

Weekend Wisdom #001
No matter what you do, there will always be people who will tell you to do other wise. So when you've done something based on your best judgement, resist being pressured into feeling guilty.

Most of all, resist being pressured into doing something to make ammends on what you've done. It seems simple enough: if you haven't broken something, why fix it?

But sometimes, a guilt trip can lead you to try and fix something that's not broken in the first place and you know what happens then?

Lack of sincerity mixes with misguided goodwill and you end up with a Sticky Mess that (if you're lucky) might not swallow you up like quicksand, but it sure as hell will trickle down your back and leave you squirming in your shirt.

The Irony of Being Yourself

2006-10-30T02:44:00.000-08:00

There’s a picture on my desk of me with Ann. It was taken a few years ago ... before I got married. On one of my visits to Karachi. On Chaand Raat. I remember that night. Mygod, we had so much fun. Ann and Fahd and I. We were wearing sunglasses at night. Fahd was so embarrassed. My maggot and my GoodStud. LOL.

It seems like Eid was so many days ago and chaand raat - even longer.

I don’t know why it is then, that I’m feeling that pang now.

Of missing The Way It Used To Be.

We all grow up abhorring those little things that mark the way we are ... the way things are done in The Family. Little traditions etched in stone by practice year-after-year. Things like sevaiyan for Eid. We swear to ourselves, growing up, that when we have the choice and the chance, we will be different.

And before you know it, you have the choice … you have the chance. And you turn things around.

What did I do on Chaand Raat? I went to Ayoush for shisha and played UNO.

What did I do on Eid day? Lunch with Mummy, Max , Arfiman and Arif.

I do both things every week. When I came home I wanted to cry. I think I did. My Eid was a fucking regular Friday that you get about 48 of a year. My eid was fucking stupid. (Not that I am undermining the value of lunch with my family or shisha and UNO, but when it’s something you do every week, maybe it’s not something you should do on Eid)

You know what they say: be careful what you wish for - you just might get it.

I didn’t get any chooriyan this Eid. I didn’t get any Mehndi. Or new clothes. I wore some stupid shit clothes that I had lying in my cupboard.

Why?

Because I couldn’t be bothered.

To be honest, it’s not really about the clothes. Maybe a bit about the chooriyan and the mehndi.

Why do we want to be different?

Simple: Because we don’t want to be the same.

The irony of it was laughable. I’d spent my life despising the thought of do darjan chooriyah and mehndi and Eid kay naey kaprey and sheer khorma and going to fifteen different people’s houses for Eid. All grown up now, I have the freedom to NOT do any of it and now that I don’t, I realize I miss it.

Did I really want to spend Chaand Raat and Eid the way I did this year? Not really.

I would rather have been in Pakistan and spent the Eid in my parents’s Karachi house where it was Bhabhi’s first Eid in the family. But I didn’t care enough soon enough and I had the lousiest Eid I have EVER had.

I had a crappy Ramadan and even a worse Eid.

Do I sound bitter? Well, maybe it’s because I am.

That’s not even my point though. What I really want to say is this: I bet if, next Eid, I do all that I am complaining about having missed this year – all the choori/mehndi shebang - I know I will hate it and will want to have a relaxed Eid with some shisha and the chance to wear jeans even on Eid day.

Ironic, eh?

Smelly/Gooey Food and

2006-10-16T00:24:00.000-07:00

Ok .. this is BPC's very quick update from .. erm .. the land of smelly/gooey food. Arfiman and I are on work/holiday in Hong Kong and MAN, is the food smelly/gooey.

That's about it for now. We are having lots of fun thanks to the Mirchi boys. They are such jaanz really. I kind of began to forget how great it was to be around Rav but it's all coming back now. It is going ot be tough to say goodbye ... which will be in just a few days :(

Why, oh why can't all our best friends ALWAYS live in the same city as us?

Rice made by Spoon

2006-10-04T01:22:00.000-07:00

This what happens when you have a car-loving husband, on whose car-loving-friends's mailing list you have inadvertantly been added.

You receive an email from Jay, the subject line of which says:

Rice made by Spoon

Being BPC, you expect to find something like this in the email:

What you find is this:

LOL

Urgent!

2006-10-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

There's a Saudi girl in one of the departments I service. She's quite a nice girl and her sudden appearances in my office are quite pleasant: she comes in with a swish of her abaya and a whiff of her Oud. She always has a sile on her face. A very urgent smile, of late.

She was recently promoted. I have noticed that - in her new position - everything is very very urgent.

Hmm.

For a while I thought she was just disorganized and did everything last minute. Till Looni told me what Saudi Girl said to her on the phone today.

Says Saudi Girl "The only way to get things done is to be strong and tell people IT IS URGENT!"

Hmmmmm.

Very unsurprisingly, I have three emails by Suadi Girl in my inbox sent in the last two hours. All three of them say 'urgent' in the subject line.

The last one - take this - says "urgent" with two Gs and three Es, like so: urggeeent!!!!!!!!!

I told Looni that I quite like Saudi Girl, so this 'urgency' of hers isn't annoying me as much as it would have, had it been done by someone else. Very very luck for Saudi Girl, for anoying BPC is NOT something you want to do.

To which, Looni replies: "It's starting to annoy me, though. Annoy with two Os and three Ys!!!"

LOL

Make that LOl with two Os and three Ls ....

Freudian Slip

2006-09-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

Nothing quite puts a smile on my face like a Freudian slip first thing in the morning:

I am driving to work, listening to The Business Breakfast on Dubai Eye. Mustafa is interviewing someone from Dubai Zoo (?!!). He mentions animal rights activist groups and how they condemn zoos.

Mustafa: According to these people, there are only three reasons based on which the existance Jews ... err ... zoos ... can be justified ...

*smile*

Prioritize

2006-09-21T03:17:00.000-07:00

BPC got sent on Priority Management training the other day. In a nutshell, she got taught how to "use MS Outlook to one's benefit" and to sort her emails in order to assist in prioritizing.

I now have 367 folders, 1561 tasks, and NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON!

A load of my emails go straight to a folder called CC due to some stupid rules set up. I now have half my 'to do' stuff sorted into a folder called 'current' and the rest is still in my inbox - which the trainers tell me must be empty.

How can I bloody friggin' sort my inbox when I get five emails every minute?!!

What's more, the trainer is coming to my 'workspace' on Sunday to see how well I have adapted to the techniques taught in the training session.

I toyed with the idea of tying her up and torturing her with sharp pointy things.

Ate had a better idea.

I will now tie the trianer up and torture her with a view of my Outlook inbox: all 3671 emails in the inbox and NO FOLDERS!!!!

muahahahahahahaa ....

"Bag" dar

2006-09-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

Damn you, Luni, for getting me addicted to ... of all things ... designer armcandy. I would very much like to take 30,000$ and blow it on a Birkin. *poof* Just like that. Sadly, I am no tai-tai and hence, no can buy.

It all started with Luni's new purple Christian Dior handbag that she bought on Souq.com. Since that day, we've spent a few hours each day cruising ebay USA and ebay UK, drooling over the bargains and then returning to souq.com to monitor the influx of (few and far apart) bargains.

Luni got really lucky with her CD bag and we couldn't believe it was real. It was mint, I tell you. Not even a single crease mark on the flap. It seemed too good to be true, so we decided on a Plan Of Action: immediately after work, Luni would go to Saks to get the bag authenticated. I never thought I would, but I did wait with bated breath and finally we shrieked enmasse post-authentification. It was mucho the real deal.

Apparently the girl it had belonged to has designer handbags more than she has use for and this particular one - being purple - was very difficult to match outfits with. (Life is soooo tough for some people, innit?) So she decided to sell it on souq-com. he mistake? She gave it to her brother to take care of.

As you have it with boys, he put it up on auction NOT knowing the true worth of it, and that is how Luni came to own a never-used Dhs 5000 bag for a tenth of the price.

Moving on … I really gave myself a good fright last night. We were watching “Inside Man” on DVD and I got fixated on Jodie Foster’s red Birkin. And then on the Black one. I have no idea what went on during those few scene. I had eyes only for The Bag.

And then I had that total-out-of-body-experience where you kind of float above your actual self and observe yourself (critically, more often than not). What’s happening to me?!! I can spot an ‘it’ bag in a movie! Not only that, I can NAME it. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Ladies, three cheers for my new ‘bag’dar. Y’know: the ‘bag’ detecting version of a radar. LOL
I shall sign off with pictures of a totally yummy blue Birkin and one of Lindsey Lohan with her Orange one which she ... amazingly coincidentally ... lost and then found at Heathrow yesterday.

Lindsey: That’s what becomes of carrying around a 30,000$ bag with 1 million$ worth of jewellery in it.

Birkin-napper: Where DID you think you were gonna hide an ORANGE BIRKIN?!!

BPC in love

2006-09-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

BPC is in love ....

Meet the object of her affections: the Coach Scribble Bag.

Yum yum yum.

It's colorful. It's quirky. It comes with whimsical matching keychains thaqt can be used as purse charms. What more could a girl want?!

BPC LOVES IT!!!

And while we're at it, can we have one each of the following:

LV Classic Monogram Hudson
LV Classic Monogram Manhattan
LV Monogram Multicolore Lodge GM (black)
LV Monogram Multicolore Speedy (fringed one in black)
LV Monogram Denim Pleaty
Coach Signature Demi
Coach Hamptons Studded Wristlet
Coach Hamptons Suede
Coach Hamptons Small Hobo

And since we don't have the names of all the bags we could ever wish for, here is some photographic evidence that we indeed are of the female race and hence can spend limitless amounts on shoes and bags:

This list shall accompany us to Hong Kong this October.

Why doesn't money grow on trees?

Work Hazard #006: Lost in translation

2006-08-29T03:44:00.000-07:00

BPC is typing away at her keyboard when her ears pop up at the mention of her name ...

Colleague#1 to #2: Dude, can you give Ujala the breast cancer ...
Colleague#2 to #1: Okay.

?!?!?!

BPC: I DO NOT WANT BREAST CANCER!!!!

Long story short: somebody wants me to do the communicaitons plan for a breast cancer awareness program.

Now that makes much more sense.

MSNing

2006-08-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

Babar = Back in Khi....phew says:did you know in college, I was a bartender for 3 years?
oooj@la says: yeah?
Babar = Back in Khi....phew says:and aaj tak, Ive always wondered wht alcohol tastes like
oooj@la says:wow ...
Babar = Back in Khi....phew says:beer smells like pee
oooj@la says:looks like pee too
Babar = Back in Khi....phew says: hmm
oooj@la says:maybe it is pee .. aerated pee
Babar = Back in Khi....phew says: aerated fermented pee

If I were ....

2006-08-26T22:55:00.000-07:00

Found this Tag on Khizzy's blog. (LOl, I just typed that 'bog' instead of 'blog'!) and since she tagged EVERYONE, i finally got a tag after SOOOOOO long ...

Here goes:

If I were a time of day, I would be ... a Saturday after-morning … made for lazy cuddles and cuddly lazing.

If I were a non-human animal, I would be ... a kitten. And then I would grow up to be cat like Moonie. Meow!

If I were a direction, I would be ... left (left-liberal actually, very!).

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be ... a sofa bed with a pull-out footrest and arms that can be used as a table. One that comes with a detachable reading lamp too.

If I were a liquid, I would be ... petrol. Smells funky and *c’mon baby* lights your fiiiiire.

If I were a tool, I would be ... a Swiss Army Knife. A hot pink one.

If I were a kind of weather, I would be ... a warm, sunny afternoon.

If I were a mythical creature, I would be ... (I did a quiz for this one) Apparently “Like a unicorn” I am “unique and mostly alone - you remain pure than most. kind, helpful and always on hand to be a friend. you have a captivating beauty which makes you unforgettable and a quality that makes you utterly special

If I were a musical instrument, I would be ... a tuba toothpaste. LOL

If I were a color, I would be ... HOT PINK. What else?!!!!! Or maybe red.

If I were a sound, I would be ... the sound that goes off in your head when you have a great idea :)

If I were a movie, I would be ... okay ... I did a quiz again and it said I’m Moulin Rouge. Screw that! I hate that movie. My answer? Salaam namaste J or Chalte Chalte or Dil Chahta Hai. Yeah, definitely a Hindi movie with its latka jhatkas and melodrama and hopefully SRK *swoon*
If I were a food, I would be ... an authentic chicken shawerma.

If I were a material, I would be ... shiny red patent leather.

If I were a word, I would be ... wanderlust.

If I were a facial expression, I would be ... that lip-chewing moment of comptemplation

If I were a month, I would be... December in Dubai

If I were a day of the week, I would be... Saturday, for sure.

If I were a planet, I would be... Planet Earth. I’m crazy, but at least I can sustain life J

If I were a tree, I would be... I took a quiz AGAIN and I must conclude quizzes hate me. This one said “You Are A Weeping Willow: You are a huge crybaby and nobody likes you. Everyone wishes you would go away and leave them alone.”

ROFLMAO. That sounds like something one of my Anonymous Posters on my Blog would say.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be ... a Standard pruned like a heart. Heh.

If I were a fruit, I would be ... a banana.

If I were an article of clothing, I would be ... a soft pashmina.

If I were a Disney character, I would be ... Captain Jack Sparrow

If I were an online abbreviation, I would be ... ROFLMAO.

If I were a hairstyle, I would be ... a gamine crop

If I were a number, I would be ... a Gogool. (a 1 with 100 zeros after it) I don’t think they’ve named a bigger number.

If I were a kitchen device, I would be ... a slotted wooden spoon. Multipurpose, thrifty, and totally utterly dependable.

I tag Kirna, Hinamommy and Sheza.

DODO!

2006-08-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

The other day BPC went grocery shopping alone. She returend to the underground parking lot with her trolley full of stuff, loaded everything into the boot of her car, dutifully parked the trolley in the appropriate bay, beeped the car open and slid into the passenger seat.

Hm.

After twiddling with her bracelet for about six seconds, BPC realized that there was a reason why she had done all of the above on her own.

Hmmm.

She meekly got out of the passenger seat, into the driving seat and drove back home with a bit of a blush.

DODO!!!!!

The Story That is Us: Starting Year Three

2006-08-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

BPC & Arfiman are celebrating their second wedding anniversary today.

Two years ago, on this day, I was a schizophrenic bride: calmly having my hands and feet henna'd one minute and freaking out over my bridal suite the next. One moment, serenely contemplating the journey I was to embark upon, and the next ... barking orders at the photographer. My God, I was MAD. Hinamommy: your patience with me that day will NEVER be forgotten :)

The weeks leading up to the wedding was a crazy crazy time ... as any married woman can vouch. Amidst all the madness, I was so glad to have found a retreat all my own ... a place I used to go to when things got a bit too crazy for even Crazy BPC.

It was Arfiman and BPCs new flat.

I remember buying tiny things like tealights or hand towels and using that as an excuse (to myself and not to anyone else!) to spend a little time in casa mio ... mon chateau. There is something so exciting about making your first home and I loved the one Arfiman and I were making. MyGod, this warrants a whole new blog entry and this one is supposed to be an anniversary entry, so let's get back on track ...

My first instinct when writing this anniversary entry was to write all about how we met and yada yada yada (the same chocolate cake story that I am sure all my friends are sick of hearing by now ;) hehehe), but the more I think about it, the more I realise that No, my entry cannot possible be just about how we got together, for Our Getting Together is a only a bit of the story that is Us:

The Story That is Us

Starting Year Three

Whereas Chapters 1-4 are dedicated to First Meeting, First Date, Proposal (and Acceptance Thereof), etc etc ... it's Chapter 5 where it really becomes a page-turner: The Wedding. Having said that, even Chapter 5 pales in comparison to Chapter 6 and 7: Living with a Boy/Girl and First Big Fight.

HinaMommy (being my constant Agony Aunt) told me before I got married that I should expect to fight over silly things once we get married. Of course I didn't believe her then .. I wasn't gonna be one of those wives fusses over whose turn it is to take out the trash. I had another think coming.

As far as I can remember, our first big fight was about something stupid like me shouting over the phone at some incompetent water delivery people and Arfiman trying to get me to calm down, but ending up in the line of fire instead. Yes, BPC has an awful temper. You wouldn't be able to tell: she's got really cute little paws .. but they do hide extremely sharp retractable claws!

Chapters 8-10 outline Domestic Bliss, as BPC goes from being incorrigible slob to becoming an epxert at household chores and *gasp* strats enoying cooking and scrubbing the floors. Tsk tsk .. what marriage can do to perfectly decent human beings.

Somewhere down the line there was a Chapter on our First Anniversary and now, here's the Chapter on our Second. When I look at the Chapters in between those two, I realise that not an awful lot was different in our second year of marriage as compared to our first. I'm not complaining, and in no way saying that we got complacent and boring. We had our share of 'incidents', but overall, it was peaceful harmony and we didn't come to any radical realizations in our second year of marriage. (Arfiman? Correct me if I'm wrong).

And somehow, for a person who always always always looks for change and excitement in her life, BPC found the calm orderliness of marital life was a perfect fit.

And in this Story of Us, BPC realized that her favorite Chapters were Chapters she didn't even know could exist.

You know how, when you meet someone you really really like and you start getting closer and closer to them ... that closeness doesn't happen until certain things fall into place, does it? I mean, you don't end up getting together with a junkfood junkie if you're vegan. It just doesn't work that way. (Exceptions apply of course)

And so, when two people successfully (and responsibly) get together - all romanticism aside - it's largely due to the fact that their minds meld well. And so I began my journey as Mrs. Arfiman ... reassured in the knowledge that there were no testing surprises, and happy that I have been lucky enough to find a spouse that *Masha Allah* seems to have the same values, priorities, tastes etc etc.

In short, when I married Arfiman after being with him for over a year, I thought I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. Little did I realize that I'd get more than what I bargained for. *grin*

All my life, with my girlfriends - whenever our discussions had been about shaadi and life thereafter - there would be much deliberation on who he would be, how we would meet him, what he'd be like, what the wedding would be like, what would you wear, etc etc.

Makes me think whether teenaged girls ever think of marriage as anything more than meeting a really great guy and having a really big party.

Did we ever think that when you marry a guy, you don't just marry him, but you marry his whole family? Nope, I don't think we ever did.

I don't think I ever thought about it either. Not when I said yes to marrying Arfiman. Not even when I actually did marry him: never for a moment did it hit me that I will have a new mother and a new brother. It was a blessing that slowly grew on me.

My 'new' family turned out to be that Chapter of The Story of Us that became my favorite.

No matter how much you assert your independance and choose the person you want to marry, in the the end, you have no control over the rest of the family that comes as part of the package. We go on and on about the boy boy boy or the girl girl girl .. but how many times does one take a closer look at the family?

I have seen so many people walk blindly into a love marriage only to find out that they have married into a family that doesn't add any value to their life ... that dont enrich their life.

What kind of a bummer deal is that?

And now, when I think about the best part of these two years as Mrs. Arfiman, I think of Mummy (mum-in-law) and Max (brother-in-law). Having just come back from Croydon, it makes me think of Khala and Khaloo and Nani and the girls. The girls: I love being their 'bhabhi'. :)

And the best part is, this whole thing is not even a Chapter in The Story of Us.

It's the underlying theme of the whole Story. Its like the background music in your favorite movie ... you don't even notice that it's there, and yet it is. Take it out and you'll feel the pinch. Like the salt in your food.

It's what punctuates every Chapter of The Story of Us and as we start the Chapter on our Third Year of Marriage, it's what I give the most thanks for.

Thankyou Arfiman, for everything.

I love you :)

2006-08-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

I know I tend to use a lot of words when something effects me, and I know that sometimes too many words is not the best way to get your point across. For that reason, I held back on writing about this whole plne-bomb-threat shit that just blew up in everyone's face.

I just couuldn't find the right words. Not in my head. I found them on Orkut. I am a memebr of a community called Muslims Against Terrorism. It is filled with hatred against Islam and Muslims. I can't really blame people for feeling the way they do.

I read a post there today on how this kind of situation can be avoided, that made a lot of sense to me:

PROFILE travelers!!!The best possible way: - make it inconvenient for Muslims but NOT ANYONE ELSE!!!They could actually have done something like this: any Muslim wishing to travel on a specific route would have to wait until there were enough other Muslims to fill a plane. Once there would be enough of them, they'd all be asked to come to the airport, have special security just for their plane.All passengers and crew on that plane would be Muslims, which means that if they blew it up, they would kill ONLY MUSLIMS, for which they'd go to hell, according to their believe system, so they'd not do it (one would hope).All non-Muslim passengers would be SAFE and could travel like always with minimal security.

And you know what? It makes perfect sense. I can't even argue with it. It's come to a point where I feel that these animals deserve to be locked up in a cage and separated from the rest of the world. Sadly, me and mine being Muslims will probably end up in that cage too.

Notes From A Summer Holiday (episode2)

2006-08-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

There's something quite comforting about familiarity. Not that I don't like surprises ... people who know BPC, know that she likes nothing better than flying by the seat of her pants, but there is some part of her that absolutely enjoys the comfort of predictability too.

This holiday for instance. Tonight is the last night that I'm sitting here in holiday mode (ie. in my PJs all day and no nagging whatsoever about when to get up/sleep/eat etc etc). We don't actually fly back home till Sunday morning, but tomorrow night is definitely going to be a whirlwind of packing things I forgot to pack today. So sitting here in Khala's living room watching episode after episode of FRIENDS with T'bo is finally going to come to an end.

I started off talking about familiarity, didn't I? Well, part of me was really looking forward to this holiday even after the Italy bit of it was called off due to various reasons. Initially, I had thought 'what would we do for 18 days in London?what more is there to see/do?' but you know what they say about London (quote:Samuel Johnson) He who tires of London tires of life. LOL. Don't know how much truth there is in that, but I did look forward to coming back to Croydon and reacquainting myself with all that had become familiar to me during last year's trip.

Khala and khaloo, the girls, the house that feels so much like home, it's spooky! Khala's cooking that is such welcome 'ghar ka khana' after having been married for two years and taking care of my own kitchen!

And Vijay & Anu. My God, they are a crazy couple and I have threatened to blog about them and I will definitely put down an incriminating entry one of these days.

Then I knew that coming to Croydon would mean makign a trip to Portsmouth (Whidley, to be accurate) to spend a few days with L and D.

So it was the whole familiarity of where we would go and what we would do that was in some weird way very comforting to me and now when I think about it, equally discomforting because it makes me ask myself: am I becoming a complacent, boring, unimaginative person? One of those that go on the same holiday every year? Jesus, no. LOL. I hope not.

So D & L. It's so romantic. They left on their cruise today. They are on a two-week mediterrannean cruise ON WHICH THEY ARE TO GET MARRIED! Can you imagine that? Masha Allah, so lucky they are to have found such love and how romantic is D?!!! He proposed to her on the London Eye and now he is marrying her on a cruise! Wow, L ... you lucky gal, you. Masha Allah.

We spent a few days with D & L. It started with D driving down to Croydon to pick us up and then we all dorve into Central London. The boys dropped me off on Oxford street at the big Boots (which turned out to be a huge disappointment) and went on the Arfiman's comic book convention.

As Boots was a disappointment, I just walked all over Bond and Oxford and ended up marvelling at Soho, quite intimidated by some of what I saw to tell you the truth. I was a good child however and did not go into any shops selling 'qeustionable items for people above a certain age'.

I found the cutest boutiques in the back streets of Soho and then to boys found me and we had lunch. Then we went to meet an old school buddy of Arfiman and D's and while they had an excellent time catching up BPC had a very awkward chat with Wife of said School Buddy. hmm.

BPCs cold got progressively worse and she slept in the backseat all the way to Whidley. We stayed in Whidley two full days and L and D packed in a lot of fun activites for us in those two days.

We went to Jane Austen's house. No, we didn't have tea and biscuits with her :P but it did give me goosebumps to see the actual table that she used to write on. It was a tiny hexagonal thing and it was quite an awesome experience looking at it. We intended to have cream tea at a lovely tea-room opposite the house but D had warned us that his trips there have been jinxed and sure enough, the tearoom had had a fire and was closed.

We did have our cream tea in the gardens of a stately home and it was quite nice. Scones and tea and butter and little pots of jam. Very English :)

We also went to a 'typical Enlgish town': Arundel. We had lunch in a little tearoom that was soooooooo old. More on that later. We didn't visit hte Arundel castle becasue I didn't want to dole out the 12£ entry fee.

D&L took us to a pub one evening because they remembered i had wanted to go to a pub last time I was in Whidley. The pub turned out to be more of a restaurant, but a nice place nonetheless. It turned out ot be the most expensive meal that I never had in my whole life. Yes, NEVER had. I was feeling too sick to eat anyting but the chocolate mousse dessert. My whole entre order went to waste and you know how I feel about wasting food. :( Blah.

All in all, it was lovely staying with D&L. I still can't tell the twins apart, but I'm not losing any sleep over it :) At least I can tell which one I am talking to by looking at the girl standing next to him. LOL. I am being mean now.

All I can think of right now is that D&L must be somewhere in the middle of the sea now on their cruise and that in a few days they will get married. Wow!

And you know what ... in a few days, Arfiman and I will have been married two years. Masha Allah. :)

FaceOff

2006-08-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I love blogging is that it allows me to set so many panties on fire. LOL. Never ceases to amuse me.

My post below was at least partially meant to incite some indignance from some parties and YAY it did!

Maria said....jaao maira bacha jooton ki shopping karo. This sort of post just makes you look ridiculous. Heheheh.....Dubai....basic amenities available to everyone....HAHAHAHAH......ask the boys in blue jaanee, not your blow dried, french manicured self. Smooch. I love your cuteness. Now next post about the great miniskirt bargains please!

Sorry to disappoint you Maria ... my next post turned out to be about YOU didn't it. Heh. Which boys in blue are you talking about jaanee? Construction workers? Since when is the poorest of the poor of any community representative of what is good or bad about that community?

And just the fact that a middle-class girl like me can afford to be manicured and blow-dried should be enough to shut you up and make you realise that Dubai is probably one of the few places in the world where you can go with not a penny in your pocket and with half a brain can make a good life for yourself.

Stay tuned for the great miniskirt bargain post Maria :)

Burj-al-Karachi

2006-08-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

I read this hilarious post on Karachi Metblogs today. You too can laugh at it on http://karachi.metblogs.com/archives/2006/08/burjalkarachi.phtml.

The gist of it is that (quote) Karachi is truly on its way to becoming the next dubai, what with all the construction going on everywhere. .... The city govt. has recently signed an MoU with reps of FOUR arab states (Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Qatar and Oman) for construction of the country's first seven-star hotel (unquote)

ROFLMAO.

I mean, really.

Are there actually people out there who think that the only thing that makes Dubai a great place to live is the fact that it has a 7star hotel?

Do they think that Dubai's excellent lifestyle m ight even have something to do remotely with things like basic amentities being available to everyone all the time at reasonable cost, good roads, excellent safety and security etc etc and NOT its 7star hotel!

Let the people of Karachi have water and electricity round the clock, a good police force, education funding, guaranteed jobs when they graduate and THEN we can say Karachi is somewhat on the way to becoming like Dubai .....

Shoe Story

2006-08-05T04:52:00.000-07:00

The only thing BPC likes more than shopping shopping shopping is going shopping and finding a REAL BARGAIN. (Not that I actually believe that bargains really are bargains ... after all ... when something is half the price, you just end up buying twice as many things and spend the same amount of money you normally would have. So technically, you're still as broke afterwards!)

So anyway, BPC found a REAL BARGAIN the other day. In Camden Market, she stumbled across an Aldo store (shoes, YUM!) that was not only a factory outlet (read: cheaper than regular retail outlets), but was on 50% sale ... wait wait ... it was on 50% sale ON TOP OF THE ALREADY 50% SALE!

OH MY GOD ... I was like a kid in a candy store. The only catch was that I have been trying (and not really succeeding!) to spend too much money on shoes/clothes (as we are going on a big shoe/clothes shopping trip to Hong Kong this October). So, it took all of my strength to not clear everything off the shelves and getting every shoe in the store that was my size. Believe me, at those prices, I so could have. And Aldo shoes .. mmm mmmm mmmmm!

But I was amazingly in-control of the purse-strings (which I haad Arfiman hold on to just incase I gave in to The Temptation) and I bought just one purse and one pair of shoes.

I got a shiny shiny golden purse, but forget about that. My REAL bargain was a pair of gorgeous toffee colored suede Mary Janes with stacked heels, with leathers inners and beautiful beadwork. I got them for 10£!!!! Who buys anything in Aldo for 10£!!!! 9.99£ to be precise.

Oh, and imagine my glee when I look at the price tag and see that the actual retail price was 119.99£.

So in a way, I "saved" 110£.

Doesn't that mean that I can actually, spend at least half that money on shoes again ... seeing as I saved .... erm ... really, right ... hmm ....

London 2006: Pink Cabs

2006-07-31T17:32:00.000-07:00

BPC loves pink. Imagine her joy when she spotted a PINK CAB outside the train station! LOL ... 10£ worth of pure joy.

A tip: there's a bus to East Croydon Station straight from Heathrow. No need to change buses/trains/tubes. I LOVE London's public trasnport system.

NOTICE

2006-07-30T03:59:00.000-07:00

Dear All ... I have just been informed by one of my blog loyalists that there is something rather funny happening with the comments on my blog whereby the poster of the comment is informed that the comment has been sent for approval to the owner of the blog. I can assure you I have received no such approval notices, even though I enabled the said feature on the blog. I will now open up the comments as before, so please feel free to shoot me down.

Enjoy .

Notes From A Summer Holiday (episode1)

2006-07-30T03:39:00.001-07:00

BPC will most probably not be blogging for quite a few days now. Reason is a rather good one. One of the best actually ... BPC and Arfiman are on holiday.

In a very nice English house in Croydon. Where we wake up at whatever time we want and choose from a seemingly endless choice of breakfast options and then bum around till we need to catch a bus and then a tube into London. And then we spend all the money we've saved all year. Ah, I love London. And shopping, of course. Shopping in London? An exceptionally delectable combination.

We met up with D. yesterday. At the British Motor Show. The motorshow was quite entertaining. It warrants a whole entry on its own, but lets just say that I did quite a lot of pointing an laughing. What at? Well, here's a taster:

1. A bunch of people standing around a Lumina Coupe, starinig in awe and some inside, caressing the interior. SUCKERS! I really wanted to poke a few and tell them I drive one IN THE SAME COLOR everyday. LOL.

2. A bunch of people lining up for hours to be let into an enclosure to be able to 'touch' an Aston Martin on display. ROFLMAO. In Dubai, all you would have to do is walk into the dealership. And here were people who spent good money and hours taking a bus, then a tube and then a train to do what? To touch a car. ROFLMAO.

3. A HUGE BUNCH of people gawking at the car Max has just bought. I videoed it for Max, so he can have a good laugh.

Speaking of videoing, BPC did a bigtime boo-boo. She broke her camera. Fucking cheap point and shoot digicams. I'm never travelling without my Nikon EVER again!

So last night Qasim bhai was taking everyone out to dinner and we drove for a loooooong time to get to ... Edgeare road. Noooooooooooooo ... did we come all the way to London to eat Arabic food? It was surprisingly good. We stuffed ourselves silly and even though I kept my eyes peeled later for Dubai and Abu Dhabi number plates, we were totally disappointed to find none.

We did however spot a car - the driver of which we are ready to bet money on was most definitely an Emirati. Lol .... this big ass Mercedes S Class in TWO SHADES OF PINK. No kidding. Honest to goodness. Heh. I have a picture ... I shall put it up later :)

So we did some fun car spotting before saying goodbye to qasim bhai and family - who incidentally are leaving on holiday to Tanzania. Wow. That's a country I'd like to go to.

Speaking of coutnry's one would like to go to, the motorshow had an interactive display where visitors could leave comments on what their ideal ride would be and BPC spotted at least two about Dubai. Yay! AND she spotted a little boy in a kandoora by the quay. Go figure.

So,even though it was late after dining on Edgeware Road and car-spotting, Khaloo decided to give us a Hussain's Tour Of London By Night and even though I was tired and it was FREEZING, it was fun.

I saw some actual World War II bullet holes and the building from which the British used to rule all their colonies way back when and lots of interesting stuff along those lines.

Oh, and let me not omit the mention of day before yesterday. We were invited to Jumoiz's housewarming and being the sweethearts they were, they totally surprised Arfiman and BPC with a cake-in-advance for our second wedding anniversary - which both of us had almost forgotten was just a few days away. Wow! That so caught me off-guard. Jumoiz are such sweethearts.

Right now we are waiting for Khaloo and Salma to come back with some croissants so we can stuff our faces before going into town. Plan for today? Lots of shopping at Boots for me: hair stuff. face stuff .. yum yum yum. Lots of comic shopping for Arfiman and fish n chips for lunch. I hear there's a BBQ planned for tonight in the backyard.

I love summer holidays :)

Work Hazard #005: Acronyms

2006-07-20T05:35:00.000-07:00

Acronyms. Sometimes you lose control.

I sent this email out today:

Subject: RFQ: DIC

FYA, PFA RFQ for DIC BPs PR re:GITEX

Regards,
BPC

!!!!

And the scary thing is, all of the five people receivin this email knew exactly what it meant.

*shiver*

Ramble Ramble Ramble

2006-07-12T00:54:00.000-07:00

Do you have days when you have so much work and you're so weighed down that you cant even start your first task?

*sigh*

BPC is having one of those.

I 'm looking at my list. It's got at least fifty things on it. Among it are three new brochures (ALL NEW TEXT!), an update of the company e-induction, some speeches (i HATE pseeches) and a gazillion little tidbits. All of which are due TOMORROW.

And what have I done since the morning? I have checked my scraps on Orkut maybe 2568 times. I have checked my Yahoo mail a few dozen times. I have googled a lot of the people I know. And now it's 12 and it's halfway through the workday and I DON'T HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH TIME TO MEET MY DEADLINES!

I need help.

No, not the psychiatric kind (shame on you!) but the 'other people in the office' kind.

Do you know that I have been doing three people's job for about three months now? I guess it's pretty amazing that I didn't lose it till now. Hopefully, we have a new recruit coming in next week part time and then full time from the week after.

This was supposed to be a one-liner psot, but my procrastination has led me to elocute quite ... well, erm ... eloquently.

Much along the same lines, Tabz is in town with her Sis in tow. All they want to do is go clubbing. And I look at them and I look at me and I marvel at how they are three-years-ago versions of me. All I want to do these days is curl up with a shisha and have a relaxed chat with a group of friends. Whatever happened to my partaaaaay days? nah, I don't think I was ever into clubbing that much anyway.

But looking at these two makes me marvel also at how much energy people have on holiday. These girls shop non stop. So energy and money, I guess.

Today they want to go to the beach right after I come home from work,and then bowling and then to Boudoir. Yeah right ... with me having gotten about four hours of sleep last night, i really think that's gonna happen after an eight hour work day. LOL. Oh, and I think I should cook dinner too. I made brownies yesterday at midnight and they all went MAD smacking their lips. And I cleaned the kitchen spotless. Yes, I'm a little bit crazy that way.

I also got little baskets from Ikea to put in my cabinets to stroe my little jars in so I don't have to stack them on top of each other . You do notice how this rambles on and on with seemingly no point, don't you?

The point is, I'm so glad to have come to that realization that even when I have too much work to do and not enough time to do it in, I wouldn't change a thing.

Tabz asked in passing yesterday howthehell I could get up at 6:45 five days a week to go to WORK.

Honestly speaking, I think I'd go mad if I didn't.

I'd go shopping everyday and spend all our money (that would be Arafaat's money, seeing as in tis hypothetical situation, I ain't working!!) in the first week of the month.

And therein lies the dilemma: being a DINKy couple (Dual Income, No Kids) we have more money than we need, but no time to spend it in. And should I quit, I would have all the time I need but onyl half the money.

PS: Our plan for spending all the money we weren't able to spend the past year, is to go to London in Peak Season and spend two weeks there. Ah, pure decadence. Lying in till noon and shopping like mad. Coming home broke and contended that we really are quite Middle Class after all.

Shall I go get some speeches written now?

Work Hazard #004

2006-07-10T02:36:00.000-07:00

(Ie, why the keyboard 'o' should not be next to the keyboard 'i')

BPC receives email:

From: Colleague
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 5:03 PM
To: BPC
Subject: CEO's Message

Dear BPC,

As mentioned yesterday, we need to develop a CEO’s message/corporate statement (1 page) for a new brochure being designed. Find attached brochures that have been developed in the past. You can incorporate aspects of the speech from the docs. attached. I need this latest by July 9th i.e. Sunday.

Best regards, Colleague
Marketing Manager

Let alone the fact that BPC read this email on Monday afternoon WITHOUT having even started the job. Let's focus on BPC email back to colleague:

From: BPC
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2006 2:00PM
To: Colleauge
Subject: CEO's Message

Hi Colleague , Please give me one more day for this one. Too many thongs on my plate.

Cheers,
BPC

Ladies and gentlemen, please note: too many THONGS on my plate.

The 'o' should be FAR FAR FAR away from the 'i' .....

RECALL EMAIL!!!

RECALL EMAIL!!!!!

If Only They Knew ....

2006-07-03T04:20:00.000-07:00

I've still not gotten used to it.

My driving up to Building Number Four (yes, in Caps!) in my big red car and swinging my legs out *swoosh*. Handing the keys to the valet and with a *flick* of my hair, pushing my sunglasses up my forehead as I walk into The Lobby of Building Number Four.

Balancing my diary and numerous "notes", I nod at the security guards (a total of three on my way up) and I check my lippy in the elevator.

I open the big heavy wooden door and enter a roomfull of kandooras. The Big Kandooras of the company. The men who I am sure must be pulling in hundreds of thouands worth of bonuses. Men with titles like CEO and GM and Executive Director. And some women.

As I sink into a plush leather chair and pour some bottled mineral water, I pay attention to what's being said.

Surprisingly (for me!) these are things I understand and this is a place where I belong. Actually, this is a place where these Big Kandooras think I belong.

And sometimes, in the midst of frantic notetaking and giving my two cents worth ("do we need to rethink our communications strategy?", "how can we ensure that we don't fall short of our KPIs next month?") I catch myself out.

I see a glimpse of myself ... perhaps in the shiny glass top of the table, or in the windows if I am sitting on the right side ... and I don't really see The Girl in the Suit. I don't see the girl with a sleek blow-dried bob and plenty of ideas to bring up the KPIs a couple of notches.

All I see is BPC. A girl who walks around barefoot ... even in the office. Who closes her laptop (without turning it off) at 4:30ish everyday and drives home with her windows down (even in the summer) singing along to Rashed el-Majed's Mashkalni/Guitara's Ya Ghali/Shereen's Ah Ya Leil. I see BPC of the spit bubbles and 'mujhey ghumaaaaaaaaaao'. The BPC who loves the PowerPuff girls and makes funny faces at kids in next-lane cars.

And then I look around at the Big Kandooras - these are the people who can make or break Dubai - and I think 'Wow! You go girl!" .

So yeah, I've still not gotten used to it. The kandooras. The power talk. The plans we hatch in an office that will impact the whole city.

I wonder sometimes if somebody will catch me out ... catch me out with the twinkle in my eyes that says more BPC and less CCD ... but then I look at myself again and I think 'Nah'.

In this suit, this shiny,blow-dried hair, this impeccable french mani-pedi .... no one, no one can guess that I still blow spit bubbles.

Heh.

If only they knew ;)

War of the Words

2006-06-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

Wow! I am simply overwhelmed at the amount of comments (and the passion thereof) in response to my pro-Dubai posts. And as I cannot reply to each comment in the comments section, here’s another entry on the counter-arguments:

This farhaN Nocturnal guy is a real specimen, eh? If you’ve been reading the comments he posts, you can see that – lacking substantial arguments – he resorts to insults. Hehe. People like him make me and my blog visitors laugh. Keep it up, Farhan!

One of his previous comments had *some* substance and I think it deserves a response.

farhaN Nocturnal: My friends's Grand father and Uncles have lived in Dubai for more than four decades.
BPC: Just for the record, this makes the grandfather 70 if he started working at 30, and which makes the uncles 40 if they were *born* there.
farhaN Nocturnal: His grand father is an engineer and he is amognst those ppl who planned and built DUBAI , all his uncles served in very important departments of UAE governemnt. His grand father was an advisor to the UAE kingdom on technical/planning issues.
BPC: MashaAllah. Very nice. And you still say it is a racist place? Weren’t they “brown’”?!! Or were they gora back then and turned “brown” recently?
farhaN Nocturnal: buTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT what they think abt dubai now? they say its not worth living anymore, so two of his uncles have left CRAPY DUBAI.
BPC: The reason these people left Dubai is not because it is crappy, but because Dubai no longer had any use for them. The truth about Dubai is no doubt that it is a city of young people. Most people working in jobs here range form early 20s to late 40s in age. It is very difficult for people beyond that age to work, unless they are already in jobs where they have been for a looooong time. Even then, sometimes, due to the need for annual contract renewal, most get retired by 50 or so in favour of a younger person. Ofcourse, if you are an expert in your field, you just get promoted.

So yes, there might be some substance to this argument, but that doesn’t make Dubai crappy. Slightly ageist maybe, but then, which place isn’t?

Where do these people work now? My guess is, they probably don’t. They have probably converted their Dirham earnings into rupees and are sitting on top of huge property or businesses, and badmouthing Dubai - totally disregarding that this is where they made their wealth.
farhaN Nocturnal: And in answer to the question raised by blog owner that why ppl still lIVING IN DUBAI WHEN THEY DON'T LIKE IT, so MY QUESTION IS TO BLOG OWNER WHY DON'T YOU BURN YOUR GREEN PASSPORT WHEN YOU DONT LIKE PAKISTAN, BUT YOU WONT BURN CUZ YOU R HYPOCRITE TOO.
BPC: What part of me publicly expressing my dislike of my Pakistani passport makes me a hypocrite? Believe me, I will have burned it a long time ago, but the sad truth is that you cannot have NO passport, and the Green passport makes it very difficult to switch to another. I am working on an alternative though, and the day I burn the Green One, I will happily courier you the ashes.

LOL Farhan man, you do make me laugh. I enjoy Sabizak’s posts because she actually seems to write using her brain and not her ass like the guy above. She is new in the UAE … please take note of that … she is NOT living in Dubai. She is living in Sharjah. Therefore, anything she notes as a con of Dubai is actually a con of Sharjah. Being in Dubai and dissing Dubai is like being in Hyderabad and dissing Karachi. Two different cities people. Two different ones!

Sabizak: Many of the places you pointed out I had absolutely no idea existed. Firstly, because I live in Sharjah, not Dubai and secondly like you rightly said I have just been here a month and a half. But even in my first comment I told you my response to the place is pretty emotional at the moment.
BPC: Exactly. And when my mum read these posts, she pointed out to me that I was EXACTLY like this the first time I came to Dubai seven years ago. LOL. I used to spend my whole day crying. You hate any new place as its difficult to immediately find your feet in a new place. And admittedly, Dubai is a VERY difficult place to find your feet in. Sharjah, perhaps moreso.
Sabizak: My ideals in life are far from achieveing 'success' or being 'ambitious' in the capitalistic sense of the word so I do not value these things the way you seem to.
BPC: Quite contrarily, my values are not as far as those that you claim are yours. I harbour no fantasies of being a CEO with a gazillion dirham bonus. All I want is to be able to be a fulltime mom (or work-at-home mom) when I have babies and to be able to send them to good schools when they are old enough, good colleges when they are older and then to be able to retire at 45, so I don’t have to work when I don’t have the energy to.

Dubai lets me do all that. The exchange rate makes it easy for me to invest in a pension plan. There are great schools in the city, and now, there are great colleges too. Most of all, it’s a SAFE place for me to raise my kids.
Sabizak: As for 'low-level jobs' as you put it, I don't think there is any such thing as that. Everyone on earth deserves equal respect from us if they are honest and hardworking and I am sure there are nations in the world that respect that fact.
BPC: What do you mean there is no such thing as a low-level job? You think construction workers and tea boys are working on the same level as a multi-national company’s CEO? Humanity aside, let’s not forget economics and sociology. Society is a balance of low-income, middle-income and high-income people. To claim that these boundaries don’t exist is ridiculous.
Nowhere have I said that low-level workers don’t deserve respect.
Sabizak: As for the third class treatment you asked me to explain about, in the number of times that I have gone to hoity toity stores, like Ikea for instance, i have noticed that the Arabs working there fall all over each other trying to lick the boots of any gora who happens to saunter past them in a one mile radius but will not even as much as smile at you, infact be downright rude, when you ask them for directions or any other help. These may just be assumptions based on chance experiences, i dont know. It may well be so but according the the law of probability random occurences also point towards real statistics, Random Sampling, as they call it.
BPC: Definitely random sampling. I have been to Ikea plenty of times. Infact. All the furniture in my flat is from Ikea. Cheap and cheerful J I have never been treated with disrespect. And let me make another observation based on years of living in the UAE: majority of desis go to these shops to “window shops”. Going to Ikea is a “weekend outing”. They have no intention of spending money. Even as a customer, one can tell who is planning to spend money in the shop and who is merely looking. Most goras and Arabs come inside Ikea to shop. (Their weekend outing might be a day at the beach etc). So when you work as a salesman on commission, who would you rather spend time serving: a windows-shopper or a genuine customer?
Sadly, its because of the “window-shopping” majority of desis that the genuine shopping minority suffers.
Sabizak: As for Liberty Books, go check out their online store and how beautifully it is run, delivering books all over Pakistan for free, i tried looking for some such online store in the UAE and i couldn't even find ONE.
BPC: Go to UAEmall.com for online shopping. THOUSANDS of things. More than just books too. See, you just gotta ask … Dubai’s go it all J
Sabizak: As for parks. I gather you are from karachi thats why you spoke of that but these shadeless palm trees and the sorry excuses that they have for parks here, just go and lose yourself once in Lahore's Lawrence Gardens and you will know what the beauty of a genuinely lovely, tranquil, near to nature park is.
BPC: Err, no, I am not FROM Karachi. I spent just five years there.
Your argument about parks is a bit silly, Sabizak. It’s like me going to Lahore and complaining about there not being any beaches. Or a Swiss coming to Dubai and complaining about there being no snow (though he could find some in the Snow Park at Mall of The Emirates these days!).
Nature varies from region to region. To borrow a quote my good friend D., “surely the world is big enough to accommodate several versions of nature”. Some place have mountains, some don’t. Some are jungles, some are not. Some have deserts, some don’t.
If you see vast stretches of barren land here, then that is the “natural” state of this country. In case you’re forgetting, this is a desert country. It’s not a green area like Lahore, so to expect “natural” parks is ridiculous.
If you want to explore the ‘nature’ of the UAE, then go visit the natural springs at Masafi. A lot closer are the beautiful dunes of the desert all around us. Go trekking in one of the fabulous wadis. If you seek green, head to the greenest part of the UAE: Al Ain. It’s called the Garden City for a reason.
Sabizak: Btw, what do you think about the internet censorship over here
BPC: It’s very good. Keep the kids away form free porn. For people who NEED free access, there are the freezones where NOTHING is censored.
If you are a business and need it all day every day, you can set up an office here. If you are an individual and need a one-off free access, go buy a coffee at one of the coffee shops in the freezone and use the wi-fi. Free Porn!!!!!
Sabizak: the hegemony that Etisalaat enjoys and the subsequent exorbitant rates for calling abroad. And how about those two English rags that pass off as newspapers over here?
BPC: Incase you are forgetting,a second telecoms player Du has just entered the market. A few years ago, there were three English dailies, now thee are six. All changes are gradual. You cannot deny that changes aren’t taking place.
Sabizak: What really ticked me off was the way you chose to show your displeasure towards your country.
BPC: I repeat, it’s not MY country anymore.
Sabizak: It has at least given u the passport that u cannot possibly burn (coz this country will never give u its)
BPC: That’s where you go wrong. Don’t make assumptions based on hearsay.
Sabizak: but I guess Canada and such like would be a good option.
BPC: Over my dead body! I love the weather in this city. I love the proximity to Europe. I love the sense of safety and security. Canada?!! No way!!!
Sabizak: If there is something wrong with our country we cant just merely throw stones at it and then disappear to greener pastures. THATs lazy, getting off our butt and trying to contribute in some positive way, now that requires real effort.
BPC: What do you think Jinnah and his cronies did? Didn’t they convince millions of people to “throw stones at (their country) and then disappear to greener pastures”? Isn’t Pakistan made for people who couldn’t stand living in India?

Pakistan is a country diseased by corrupt politicians and landlord, that has not been able to cure itself for more than half a century. I can’t waste my life trying to heal this ailing beast.

Now for some of the anonymous posters.

Anonymous#1: Are they granting citizenships on the basis of your services or it's still out of question?
BPC: You fulfil certain criteria and you can get citizenship here. Simple.

Anonymous #2: I read you don't want to return to Pakiland then what are your alternatives as you are not welcome in the country who is using your talent?
BPC: What’s your definition of “not welcome in the country that is using my talents”? I feel very welcome here, thankyourverymuch. I have been afforded enough security to be able to work, I have been afforded the opportunity to work in a job well-paying enough to allow me to invest in property, and by buying property, I have been afforded the chance to stay here indefinitely after I retire. If that is this country’s version of “not welcome’, then I can’t to find out what it’s welcome is like!!

Anonymous #3: First low class workers deserve respect too PERIOD.
BPC: I agree.I never said they don’t.
Anonymous #3: Why UAE or other Arab country men aren't up for it?
BPC: The people of the UAE aren’t up for it because their country takes enough care of them for them not to have to work outdoors in the 40 degree summer heat. The UAE’s people don’t work in these jobs because their government PAYS them to go abroad and get higher education so that when they come back, they can work in good jobs.
As for people from other Arab countries, I have no idea. If somebody reading this blog can tell me why all the low-level workers are Pakistanis, Indians, Sri Lankans and Iranians, then I’d be glad!
Anonymous #3: We all know why they hire south asians workers. They are cheap and they have noone in their home country govts to give a shit about them.
BPC: So is it the Emirati’s fault that Asian workers are cheap? Is it the Emirati’s fault that a Pakistaniman’s own government doesn’t give a shit about him, to the extent that he has to leave his own country and family behind and work 14 hours a day? Sorry, but none of this is the Emirati’s fault. If anything, it is the fault of the Pakistani government for not making enough provisions to take care of it’s own poor people.
Anonymous #3: No wonder Saudis and UAE are becoming such a rich society, they are buliding it on the blood of real human beings.
BPC: Really? You think these Arab nations get rich by paying Asian construction workers 1000 dhs a month instead of 1500 Dhs a month? If that is so, then why don’t the Asian countries keep these workers home and make them work there and get rich like the Arab countries?
Anonymous #3: You say there is no racism at your level then why are you not allowed in this club?. http://www.gulfnews.com/tabloid/Special_Report/10042700.html
BPC: That is just one side of the story. I have gone to many, many clubs/restaurants/five star hotels. And I have NEVER been stopped. Of course, if you wear a sari to go to a club, they will stop you. If you are wearing a T-shirt with trousers, they will stop you. If your hair reeks of coconut oil, they will stop you. Who wants to club next to an oil-smooshed, sari clad woman? Not me. If you are clubbing, at least look the part.
I am sorry, I just refuse to listen to these complaints because I have NEVER been denied entry and that says something. I am VERY brown by the way. No one can EVER mistake me for anything but a Desi.

Anonymous #4: Can you read what you write? Woman you are one racist lady.
BPC: Yes, I am, I am the first racist in the whole world to be guilty of racism against people LIKE HERSELF.
Seriously, what part of my comment sounded racist to you? Is any part of what I wrote untrue? How many British construction workers are there? Or Lebanese ones?
And answer a question for me honestly if you believe you are not racist: if you were to share an elevator with a person and they started a conversation with you, would it make a difference to you if the person was a CEO dressed in a suit and ties, or if he was a construction worker in boots and overalls? Which one would you be more likely to exchange contact details with and meet up with a coffee later and perhaps even become friends with?
Not racist my friend, realist.
Anonymous #4: I read your archives and found out you've spent many years in KSA. Wow! how Saudi money spoils mind .. I've heard about but i've seen it too. FYI not everyone born with money. Most people need to earn it to make a living and just to get by. They are not fortunate to have gone to schools or have cars before their 20th birthday. People like you are spoiling Pakistan. Glad India got rid of these kind unless we were too ignorant like too.
BPC: Oh ho ho! Lookie here. You think you have me all figured out, eh? You think I was BORN into money? Well, I shall take that as a compliment.
The truth is quite the opposite actually. The five years we were in Karachi, I used to travel by public buses because I couldn’t afford cab fare. I started earning my own money when I was 18. My first job in Dubai five years ago paid me a measly 4000 Dhs. But I had set my sights high and I knew where I wanted to be aged 25 years.
Alhamdolillah, I am there now. I bought my own car with my own money when I was 23 and at 25 I bought a house. I can afford holidays in Europe now. These are all things that were very, very far-fetched dreams some years ago. I wasn’t born into money, but my parents gave me the best education and the best upbringing and whatever I have today is all earned on my own, with the blessings of my parents and by the grace of Allah.

Think twice before you accuse people of the golden-spoon-syndrome, sweetie. And pay attention when I say people control their own destiny.

Anand L. Pradhan: BPC thinks sabizak is lazy for not finding out stuff and the poor are in their state because of lack of ambition. I have heard more intelligent comments than this in monkey cages. IMHO, her own laziness is gigantic. She wants someone else to burn her passport. Do it now, BPC. Now! And show us that you have your money where your mouth is (or whatever it is you speak with)...
BPC: Let me introduce you to one of the many styles of writing. My comment as pointed out by you was the last line of my entry: a kind of summing up, a retort to the subject discussed in that entry.

I didn’t mean for someone to come and physically assist me in igniting my travel documents, any more than I am requesting you to come here and adhere your lips to me posterior when I say this: KISS MY ASS.

Do you get the point?

My Dubai

2006-06-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have officially HAD it with people complaining in Dubai. As if people who have lived here for years and years complaining isn't enough (if you hate it so much,why don't you leave?!!!!) there is a whole load of people who have no more than a few weeks of Dubaiiing under their belt and feel entitled to pass judgement on Dubai.

Fine, everyone has a right to their own opinion. But just because YOU THIHNK Dubai sucks doesn't make it the truth.

Case in point is a blogger who stumbled across my blog (sabizak.blogspot.com) and very tactlessly chose to educate me about the vices of Dubai.

Now, if she had said anything worth half a thought, I might have let it slide, but the pure ridiculousness of her accusations is definitely worth comment.

Saizak says: Dubai is one of the suckiest, most racist places on this planet. The goras and arabs are ROYALTY and Indi-Pakis are shit.

BPC says: Define 'sucky'? If, for you, sucky is an immense sense of security, a police force that does it's job, no power cuts, affordable water and electricity, god road, excellent parks and public facilities, then YES, Dubai is very, very sucky.

If you have seen the goras and Arabs treated like royalty and South Asians treated like shit, then there is a reason for it.

Tell me honestly, what class of South Asians comprises the majority of the UAE's expat South Asian population? MOST of them are construction workers, municipality workers who clean the streets etc., store clerks nad generally people working in low-paying, low-level jobs.

Now tell me what class of goras choose to live an expat life in the UAE. Do you see any gora construction workers, municipality workers , store clerks ... anybody working in low-paying, low-level jobs.

No, these guys come out here to make big bucks. Now don't tell me that there is any place in the whole world where a construction worker will get the same treatment as an office executive.

When you talk about 'treatment', why do you always look at how the poorman is treated. I am supposedly Pakistani. I get a pretty good salary: almost on par with my local colleague and EXACTLY the same as my gori colleague. I get a lot of respect in my workplace too.

The South Asians you see getting treated like doormats are those who treat the Goras like God. Trust me, the amount of ass-kissing I have seen South Asians doing for a Gora is disgusting.

As for the Locals, well, this is their own country and they have every right to receiving preferential treatment here.

Sabizak says: Dont know how u can stand for third class treatment and then like the place. But i guess everyone has different values.

BPC says: I will repeat what I said above, that I have a great job with a great salary, and have a great workin relationship with my colleagues of all nationalities. In my personaly life, I have friends from all over the world, Locals, Europeans, Arab expats ... I have never felt any discrimination on basis of my skin color.

I am very curious about this 'third class treatment' that you are suffering. Please tell me what exactly you are referring to.

Sabizak says: I remember once reading on ur blog that u dont like poor ppl or something to that effect. I guess Dubai is nice n purged of those types.

BPC says: I have no idea why you remember reading on my blog that I don't like poor people. That doesn't seem like a thing I would say. Please point me to the blog entry that says so.

What I definitely don't like is lazy or compacent people. And lots of times, I refuse to sympathize with 'poor' people because more than being victims of their destiny, they are victims of their own lack of ambition.

There is nothing that one cannot acheive if one works hard enough. I refuse to feel sory for a beggar who has thirteen poor children to feed and bringthem all out on the street with him to beg for alms. HE is just a menace to society. His kids should be in school and he shouldn't have thirteen bloody,fucking kids in the first place.

So yeah, I am glad there are no beggars in Dubai.

Sabizak: GODDAMN artificial place. Perpetual amusement park with nothing substantial to offer. The fucking place doesn't even have a decent bookshop or library. But I guess they'll start thinking about once the finish furnishing it with the ugliest high rise structures in the world (which is never)

BPC: You almost make me want to laugh there. Dubai is 'artificial'? What, you want it to be all organic, growing crops without chemicals and people living in mud huts or what?

Wake up, it's 2006. Air-conditioning and highways are there to make our life easier.

But I suppose what you really meant to say was "Dubai has no culture". Well, that's a very misconceived notions held by many new expats like you. Expats who come to Dubai and go to a few shopping malls, a few good restaurants, go on a desert safari, have a look at the Burj Al Arab and think that's all there is to Dubai.

Culture is not a homeless person that you see standing on street corners all the time.

Have you bothered to make any local friends to find out what the culture is? I guess you haven't, because if you had nurtured a realtionship with any locals, you would know that 'culture' is still very much there. You can't expect expats to show you what the 'culture' is like, can you.

Actually, if you want a crash course on the 'cultural' side of Dubai, visit Bastakiya. That's if you want to learn more about the culture of the people of this country.

If you want a fill of culture in a more modern sense, then there is no reason why you can't get any. There are at least twenty art galleries in Dubai displaying the work of international artists. There are atleast four venues that have independant screenings of foreign/art films every week. There are multitiudes of art/craft courses on offer. The Madinat Theatre almost always has a major production on. There are smaller theatre groups that have new plays and popular productions up on a constant basis. International troupes and theater groups visit the country all the time to give performances. There are culinary tours with world-famous chefs.

If you haven't found anyhting here besides malls, it not because there is nothing on offer. It's because you're lazy.

You say that Dubai doesn't even have a decent bookshop or library. HELLO. If you came from US or UK and compared stuff ot Barnes & Nobles, I would understand where you are coming from.

But you come from Lahore. What do they have there?! Liberty books?!!!! And you tell me you can't find anything to compare with that?

Maybe if you tore yourself away from the Nine West and Monsoon stores, you'd be able to see that there are a bunch of Magrudy stores around which are HUGE and have thousands and thousands of books. You also have smaller bookstores by the gazillions. Even Virgin Megastore in Mercato and in Mall of the Emirates has a huge book section.

New books too epxensive, betcha didn't know that there are second hand bookstores in Dubai too. Thre's one in Jumeirah Plaza and one in Ibn Battutta mall and you can pick up books in extremely good condition for as little as five dirhams.

Want cheaper books? Head to one of the charity shops (bet you didn;t know Dubai has those either?). On Thursday, the charity shop of St. Mary's Church clears up their books section and you can buy a whole carton for fifteen or so Dirhams.

Lazy. Again.

If you opened your eyes and gave Dubai half a fair chance, it would surprise you. It would welcome you with open arms and show you that it has so, so much to offer.

And if you still complain, then too bad that Dubai is just a city. Because if Dubai were a person, it would ask you why you are still here ...

She's a SmaaAaaAaaAll Wonder

2006-06-18T00:54:00.000-07:00

Some things out there on the net are just to weird.

They are weird enough when you stumble upon them per chance for the first time. But what are the chances of running into a freaking oddity not once, but TWICE!!!

I did just that today.

I was feeling nostalgic and reading up on 80 show Small Wonder when I ran into an article discussing the show as the first mainstream American sitcom featuring a Lesbain lead character (!!!).

Wait, that's not even the wird part. The weird part is this: (a letter left for 'Vicki' on a fansite)

From: "Rizwan Khan" kool_rizz@hotmail.com
To: TiffanyBrissette@fan.net
Subject: To a young girl from PAKISTAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2001 14:48:00
Hi Tiffany (V I C I),Everybody loves you and your movie here in KARACHI, PAKISTAN.I wasn't even borned when your play was aired in 1985. But from 1994 whenI was 9 yrs old to this day 2001 when I'm 15 years old I'm watching your moviewhich is telecast on weekdays on 5 pm in PAKISTAN. (Don't think thatPAKISTAN is too behind! We are as able as anyone else!).I have a request. Could the FOX Company make a new version of "Small WonderMellenium." I also want your pictures as a young lady now!

Yours movie's crazy fan,Rizwan KhanURL: http://www.aboutriz.com/
PS. By the way where is Jamie ... oh! sorry! I mean Jerry Supiran.

OHMIGOD!

CoolRiz wasn't even BORNED when Small Wonder was aired. Also, this MOVIE form the mid 80s is aired in Pakistan in 2001, so don't think that Pakistan is "too behind"! ROFLMAO. Just about a quarter of a century.

What takes the cake is this guy's super brainwave: "Small Wonder Millenium".

A closet lesbian child for the new millenium. Wow. I wonder why no one else thought of this before .....

More Vicki fanstuff here: http://members.surfbest.net/smallwonder@surfbest.net/SWonTV/TiffanyFanClub.html

Ode to Shitty Days (and Solutions Thereof)

2006-06-15T02:33:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days that start bad and just get worse as the day goes on?

CHA CHING!!!

Today was the Queen of such days.

Surrounded by impossibly tight deadlines (that too, when you do the job of three people), impending mid-year reviews (even though you know you've done well), department appraisals (the departments is counting on you), the shitty-feelingness of letting your mum down on something she asked you to do (the ONLY thing she asked you to do in ages), the runny nose and sore throat (antibiotics zindabad), the so-hungry-but-no-time-for-lunch .... you look at the watch and it's 3:45 and you realize you haven't had lunch and that you wouldn't have had anything to eat all day had it not been for the two birthdays in the office today (read: one breakfast buffet in the pantry and one binge on chocolate cake).

So at 3:45 ... about 45 minutes before the end of your work week, you throw in the towel and decide to take a break. The only break you can take without feeling guilty is for namaz.

And those few minutes do for you what can only be considered a miracle.

You still feel like crying because you feel out of control: too much work and too little time. You feel like crying because you're STARVING.

So you sniff on the jainamaz and ask Allah Mian to send you a burger and to make your troubles go away.

And you get back to the office and ....

... your colleague has decided to bring you a hardees Swiss Mushroom N Cheese. And a coke.

And you get a message saying that thing you wanted to do for your mum that had fallen through has actually come back round again and you don't have to hide your face in shamce no more.

Subhan Allah.

I will go now. It's 13 minutes since my weekend started. And boy, what a start!

Pakistan Zindabad

2006-06-14T00:16:00.000-07:00

I was going through Karachi Metblogs entires today and I stumbled upon one that seemed quite interesting.

You can read it here: http://karachi.metblogs.com/archives/2006/06/volunteers_need_2.phtml

When I read this post and my first response was "Wow! How refreshing! What a great chance for some youngs kids to meet with working professionals from across the border. It'll be interesting to see how the 'stars' will fare with unexperienced guides/escorts: they'll definitely get a fresh perspective on things. Not just on the city nd what too see here, but they'll also take back good memories of Karachi."

And then I read the comments people have pasted here and I have no regrets in saying that the decision I made when I decided never to return to Pakistan was well-made: the country is full of self-righteous people who will see the negative in everything except their own selves.

Being the way I am, I left a tirade in the comments section, but:

a) the post is quite old and I doubt anyone will come back to read the comments
b) venting archivally (is that a word?) didn't do it for me, so here's a repost, kind of edited into a whole blog entry.

When these people (the kind of people who poted comments in reply to that post on Karachi Metblogs) say it's the politicians that have dragged down this country, they are wrong. It's actually people like THEM that have.

People who might not do anything constructive themselves, but will shoot down anybody who attempts to do anything remotely constructive.

What's wrong with showing some guests around? Isn't that what the visiting stars will be: guests? Or will the prevailing opinion be different if these people weren't Indinas? Or movie stars? Or both?

What a sorry bunch of petty people most Paksitanis living in Pakistan (speically the ones who commented on that post) are. I mean REALLY.

It's a nation full of people who will never see beyond Pakistan Zindabad - no matter how corrupt its leaders are, no matter how filthy its streets are and no matter how the country just tales and takes without ever giving anything back. Yes my dears, the people maketh a nation and if the people sucketh, so doeth the nation.

It's a nation of people who love to hate Indians. Why? They don't know. Self-righteous, fucking, moronic, imbecile dimwits.

Somebody burn my green passport for me PLEASE.

You're IT!

2006-06-06T00:52:00.000-07:00

BPC books two nights in a Milan hotel:

"Hotel Charly (MI) thanks you for your preference.It will receive your confirmation of reservation or offer directlyon its E-Mail box."

Who's "it"?!!

Work Hazard #003

2006-05-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

Ever been to a meeting that was called in order to organize a larger meeting next week? LOL

I hadn't until I joined this BIG company I work for now. For all the perks you get working in a BIG company, you sure get to know the little idiosyncracies and eccentrities that come alongside.

Take today for instance.

I received this mailer sent out by the HR Department:

Dear All,

We have received the employee satisfaction survey results from Surveying Company and the participation of the employees came down to 60%; in other words, 2 out 5 did not participate in the survey. It is a serious concern to the Management and we wish to know the reasons that employees have not participated in the survey.

The employee satisfaction survey provides your views on personal satisfaction with Big Company on various performances attributes. Therefore, for those of you who did not complete the survey please take few minutes to complete the attached form and return it to HR to assist us in understanding why the participation rate was low.

Regards,
HR

Ahem.

If people didn't bother to respond to the actual survey, what are the chances they will respond to a survey as to why they didn't respond the the survey?

Durrrrrrrrr.

ROFLMAO.

*%&$%%#$#@$$#%%^^&$#$

2006-05-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

There is a special place in hell reserved for people who work in banks. And no, this is not a religious observation.

It specially applies those that work in National Bank of Dubai (readers may substitute with the name of their own banks). SPECIALLY in the telesales and customer service departments. What is UP with total idiots being given jobs to do with making or receiving calls.

Really.

Take this ...

I dial the customer service number for my bank in a very pissed off state, looking for the number for the manager of a certain branch.

Agent: I am sorry ma'am. As of now, I will not be able to give you the number.
BPC: What do you mean as of now?
Agent: As of now.
BPC: As of now WHAT?
Agent: I will not be able to give you the number as of now.
(by this time, BPC is smoking at the ears)
BPC: (takes a deep breath) Okay (another deep breath in effort to control one's temper) Tell me this, 'as of now' means you are not able to give me the number at this moment, or you are not able to give me the number at all?
Agent: Yes.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BPC: Which one is it? You can't give me the number NOW or you can't give it to me AT ALL.
Agent: Yes.

fuckingstupidretardedloserfuckingmoronimbecilefuckingidiotfuckingasshole Customer Service Agent.

I hope your special hole in hell is lined with sharp thorns and vomit.

How do these people get these jobs?

Here's another one.

Telesales lady drives BPC mad offeering her a loan. Calls her every few days. "Youwill get it in just four working days!'

BPC finally takes the loan. FIFTH working day and there is no news of the money. BPC calls telesales lady and reminds her of the FOUR day stipulation.

Telesales lady: Well, it mostly takes four days. Only in rare cases does it get delayed by a day.
BPC: Wasn't my case, according to you 'crystal clear'?
Telesales lady: Yes, it was.
BPC: Didn't you make a note on my application that mine was an URGENT application to process.
Telesales lady: Yes ...
BPC: So you are telling me that MOSTLY it takes four days. Only in RARE cases does it take FIVE days. And when an application (ie mine) is SPECIALLY marked URGENT, that application takes FIVE days in stead of FOUR. Does that make any sense to you?

Telesales lady spontanteously combusts into a pile of smelly ashes.

And just by the way, fuck National Bank of Dubai. If you have a choice, DO NOT bank with them. Infact, don't bank with any bank. Keep your money under your mattress. At least that way you won't need some imbecile asking you for your PO Box, phone number, email address, date of birth, branch of account opening EVERY SINGLE FUCKING time you call.

Lets do something fun. Everyone who reads this entry should call 8004444. Press 2 for English. Then press 0 to speak to an Agent. Hold for ten hours before your call finally gets answered.

When it does, tell the agent to FuckOff.

I need breakfast

2006-05-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

PEACE! I have had a few continuous minutes of peace. I think all my blog readers are sending positive thoughts my way and hence some PEACE.

After a nail-on-chalkboard-reminiscent session of Whattimedidyouleavelastnight?Whyfiveoclock?Whattimedidyoucomebackfromyourlunchbvreak?whattimedidbossladycomeback?beforeyouorafteryou?whattimewillyouleavetoday?, I finally made him shut up.

He's working on a presentation right now ... something he has to submit to his college about the company he interned at. It's amazing how little he knows about an organization he has been interning at for six bloody weeks now.

He doesn't even know the proper NAME for fuckssake. Or the operational/heirarchical structure. Geez.

So I finally got him to shut up after I told him that a better way to correct the mistakes in his report is to have me read through it after he's finished writing it than it is to ask me a question after every five words he types.

The goon doesn't even know how to use MS Word properly.

MotorMouth, if you're reading this ... go flush your head in the toilet.

I need breakfast.

No, make that a few shots of tequila ... and some high-potency drugs.

MotorMouth

2006-05-20T22:43:00.000-07:00

Maybe it'd be a bit presumptious - maybe even a little too optimisitc - but I want to think that some of you have missed BPC's random rampbling over the last few weeks.

At least one person did refer to it.

"I know you've probably been really busy at work" said Hinamommy. "Because you haven't updated your blog lately ..." (just by the way, such is my state of mind, that I typofied 'glob' instead of 'blog' back there ...LOL .... I haven't updated my glob lately"

So anyway, I WISH that the reason I haven't updated my blog is ONLY because I've been busy at work. No, the business (BUSYness??!!) of work is but a small portion of the reason behind this blog deprivation.

So, yes, busy BPC has been. You see, BPC used to be part of a Corporate Communications team of five, headed by BossLady (who was the sixth).

One fine week, Colleague#1 who was fired a few weeks before finds the long-awaited 'other job' and is ready to leave, Colleague#2 gets fed up with BossLady's excessive demands (in her opinion, mind you ... i quite like BossLady), Colleague#3 finds a position in another department that she was MADE for (and she is now on a two-week business trip in Cannes, lucky bitch!!) and Colleague#4 had ot leave because she couldn't fit in her chair anymore as she expects Bebe any day now.

So, one fine Sunday, BPC is the Corporate Communications Department. Really. It's me. It's ALL me. All of it.

Now, don't mistake me, I'm not one to shy away from work ... I work very hard and I'm proud of it. Give me work, I'll do it. i just ask for one thing:

Peace.

Let me do my work in peace.

And that brings us to the reason why I haven't been able to 'glob' at all lately.

Ladies and germs, let alone being able to compose a witty entry worthy of this blog, I have hardly been able to string two straight sentences in my head these last few weeks.

My bone of contention is the worst kind of punishment that can be sent upon a hardworking (and overworked) worker. It's *GASP* an *GASP GASP* intern!!!!!!

And not just any intern mind you. It's the MOTHER OF ALL MOTORMOUTHS intern.

OHMIGOD! My life in the office has been living hell the last few weeks. Now, don't get me wrong, I am normally a very nice person and as I started work very early in life, i appraciate young people joining the work force and I will be the first it lend a helping hand.

But I refuse to be sympathetic towards interns who:

a) Will not stop talking (and not talking about work related stuff, but STOOOOPID questions. Why is a stapler called a stapler? How many sick days do you get in a year? What's your IQ?)
b)Will not listen to what you say (you can't really listen if you talk all the time. can you?)
c)will not let you teach them a better way to do things. (why should they - who have been at work all of two weeks - listen to you - who has been working for five bloody years now?!!)
d) Will not stop TALKING!!!

Jeezus, I have come to know a whole new side of me these last few weeks. I thought I was a very non-confrontational person when it came to work. Yeah, give me a burger with cheese when I didn't ask for any (or something along those lines) and watch me get confrontational. But at work, I thought I was one of those quiet workers that carries on with her job and doesn't stir up things too much. And I never used to know how to say 'no'.

Well, not anymore honeys.

These days 'Can you please keep quiet, I am trying TO WORK!!!' is something I say ATLEAST five times a day.

Sometimes, I wish I had written down all the horror stories I have to recount about MotorMouth ... I am sure most of them will be quite amusing in hindsight ... but not having that hindsight right now, they are plain annoying.

Take riht now for instance. We are supposed to host a visit by a delegation, and just to shut him up, I have asked him to be incharge of taking photos.

How many photos do i need to take? How do i know if it will be good? What if there are too many people in one shot? What if there is someone who doesn't want to have their photo taken? Will my name be printed with the photos? Where did you learn to take photos? Where does the word 'photo' come from?

*sigh*

I hand himn the camera.

How many megapixels is this? What is focal length? How big can a memory card be? What is A3?

Right now he's trying to take my picture from various angles with the office camera.

Why are you not smiling? Don't you like your picture taken? I don't know why girls are camera shy? Is the flash annoying you? What if i printed your pitcure?

Do you wonder now, why my 'glob' has not been updated?!!

It's a bird, it's a plane .... it's superGLUE!

2006-04-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

BPC superglued her thumb to her shoe last night. She sat on the floor with her thumb stuck to her brown Paprika heels while Arfiman stood tut-tutting with an "I told you so" (Mostly because he HAD told me so).

Ah well ... a word of advice from the experienced: in the event of digits superglued to articles that cannot be damaged (superglued finger or no superglues finger, I was NOT cutting a hole in my shoe!!!), a little Nivea and a butter knife goes a long way.

Digit might feel a bit sore afterwards.

D da Dude

2006-04-16T03:13:00.000-07:00

In addition to having neglected my blog for many, many days now, I have secretly (and now that I am doing a blog entry on it - "not so secretly") been going insanely jealous of the recent blogbabez meetup in Karachi (read all about it in the the blogs of Jammie, Khizzy, Insi and Sheza).

I looked at the pix and I read the different accounts of the same afternoon and I swear, I could feel I was one of them: sitting around that table, clutching my own cup of Espresso-fare and partaking in a delightful ‘pseudo-intellectual-meeting-of-the-minds' (as referred to by jammie).

Babes, next time I’m in town, please all of you also be. Maybe we can pseudofy some more.

It was something that happened in that meeting and reported later in the blogs that inspired me to break my blog-roza and type type type away on company time.

Insi blogged about how she was told she was much quieter than her blog. And Khizzy got told she was much more ‘sane’.

The whole ‘blogs and the people behind them’ deal reminded me of something that made me smile very hard yesterday.

I popped into City Centre after my Saturday morning run to meet up with Arfiman and D, as D was flying back to UK that evening and I wanted to spend some more time with him.

So there we were, in Claire’s (no, you CANNOT keep me out of a shop filled with shiny, sparkly things … I’m quite the magpie that way) trying to return a watch I had bought not ten seconds ago (long story: the price tag was manky and what I thought was 38 was infact 68 and the watch I happily would have paid 38 for, I would not have paid 68 for because it looked like it wouldn’t last more than a week on my wrist … or so I thought then, because right now, BPC WANT SHINY SHINY DIAMANTE WACTH !!!), so I returned the watch and filled in the return form (“reason for returning purchased product”? Hmm … lessee …. “Too expensive”).

D’s standing next to me and on the countertop next to the cashier, I spot the weirdest item: it’s a coin purse shaped like a baby sock. Really.

(I was going to try and describe it, but realising that EVERYTHING is already on the net, I just googled it)

Mystified, I pick it up and ask D:

“Do you think that if I open this right now I ‘ll find some tiny little toes inside?”

And D bursts out laughing.

“That is EXACTLY the kind of thing you would say on your blog!”

Well, it IS my blog, I shrug. And he tells me how – as opposed to what I would like to believe – I am much more docile in real life.

Really, Arfiman tells me, if I were my blog, I’d be too tough to handle. Hee hee.

So anyway … D.

*sigh*

He’s not even really my friend. Or is he? Where do you draw the line between your friend’s and your husband’s? Is he not mine too then?

D and Arfiman have been friends for 21 years. Add four years and that’s my grand Old Age itself.

Whatever little time I’ve spent with D while he’s been in Dubai and while we’ve gone to stay with him in Portsmouth, has been great.

He’s funny in a very proper way and he’s proper in such a fun way.

And this summer, he weds Lin. On a Mediterranean cruise. So we’ve established that he’s incredibly romantic as well.

Congrats to D and Lin then. They make a great pair. You have to see them together to realize that when two people are made for each other… well, you can plainly see it. And with these two … okay okay … enough.

D, we just can’t quit you :)

Here’s a pic of us at O’s birthday do this weekend. I won’t give away the premise of the picture, as it really is Hinamommy’s story to tell. So Hinamommy, go on and tell …

Work Hazards #001

2006-04-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

BPC's phone rings.

BPC: Hello?
Brand Manager: I have a press release I need you to proofread for me.
BPC: Is it in English?
Brand Manager: It is both.
BPC: Email the English version to me and I'll proofread it for you ...

A few minutes later, an email arrives:

Subject: Press Release to Proofread

Dear BPC,

As discussed on phone, please find English Virgin attached ....

So long as some people's English is less than impeccable, work remains fun :)

The Magic Hour

2006-03-26T01:49:00.000-08:00

The Husband Files: We're all a little Loony!

2006-03-25T20:14:00.000-08:00

Me: I once dropped a baby cousin of mine while I was carrying her
Arfiman: *looks shocked*
Me: I didn't tell anyone though ...
Arfiman: Is that why she's a bit .... *makes a crazy face*
Me: NO! She's not like that *makes the same crazy face* She's like me!
Arfiman: So who dropped you?

Hitting you where it hurts ....

2006-03-23T04:28:00.000-08:00

Normally I hate forwarded email. I automatically delete it without even glancing at the subject line. I opened one by mistake today.

A forward from a friend i haven't been in touch with for a long, long time. We live in the same city, yet the last time we exchanged words was at my wedding a year and a half ago. He did call a few times. I was too busy to pick up the phone. Before, we used to go on drives with music blaring and pig out on shawermas. we even went camping in Oman one Eid. Three days of washing bums with cold water and eating half cooked meat. Freezing in the night and deciding that it's better to sleep in one of the roomy Jeeps than in our sleeping bags. I was too busy to call him back. For the last one year and a half.

And today, I mistakenly open this email from him ...

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game.
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be
too
late.

Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

Fuck.

I am forced to introspect and I don't like what I see.

How many friendships do we let slip from between our fingers? How many joyous memories that we cherish, yet hide away in dusty boxes of 'not enough time' on the busy shelves of life?

How many bonds that we didn't let grow, how many laughs that we didn't laugh.

I will call him. Tomorrow.

Perspective

2006-03-19T04:34:00.000-08:00

Muslims or Maniacs?

2006-03-15T04:09:00.000-08:00

This post is in memory of the 14 girls who lost their lives four years ago in the horrific Mecca school fire incident of 11 March, 2002.

It wasn’t the fire that killed them, it was the misguided, misogynistic Mutawwas of Saudi that did. It was those fucking fundamentalist freaks that are the collective asshole of mankind.

Apparently, the girls’ school in Mecca caught fire. Eyewitnesses reported that several members of the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice (read Mutawwa) interfered with rescue efforts because the fleeing students were not wearing the proper public attire (abaya and sheyla) for women in Saudi, and because their male relatives were not there to receive them.

So this school burns and the girls burn inside it, and all the fucking Islamists care about is whether or not these girls are wearing proper clothes and whether their male mehram relatives are there or not. What a pretty, pretty picture that paints of Islam, doesn’t it?

Seriously, it’s when things like this happen that I truly feel disgusted and ashamed of my own religion.

It’s been 1400 bloody years. The middle ages are fucking gone. Why can’t these Islamists bloody keep up?

A report prepared by Mecca's Civil Defense Department about the rescue effort at the school noted that mutawwa'in were at the school's main gate and, "intentionally obstructed the efforts to evacuate the girls. This resulted in the increased number of casualties."

The religious police reportedly tried to block the entry of Civil Defense officers into the building. "We told them that the situation was dangerous and it was not the time to discuss religious issues, but they refused and started shouting at us," Arab News quoted Civil Defense officers as saying. "Whenever the girls got out through the main gate, these people forced them to return via another. Instead of extending a helping hand for the rescue work, they were using their hands to beat us," Civil Defense officers were quoted as saying.

The officers also said they saw three people beating girls who had evacuated the school without proper dress. In the end, the department’s officers had to use force to keep the commission’s members away from the area and help the girls get out of the building quickly.

"We told them that the situation was dangerous and it was not the time to discuss religious issues, but they refused and started shouting at us."

Saudi Interior Minister Prince Naif promised that the government would investigate the Makkah school fire tragedy earnestly to bring the culprits to account. He also said that the persons responsible for the incident would be asked to pay blood money to the families of the 14 girls who perished in the school disaster as well as compensations to the injured.

Do you really think that’s enough? Don’t scum like this deserve to be wiped off the face of planet earth, rather than being allowed to stay alive and then go on and spawn future generation of similar fucktards?

If you ask me, Bush should forget about Bin Laden and instead nuke the Mutawwas out.

The Saudi Gazette quoted witnesses as saying that the police - known as the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice - had stopped men who tried to help the girls and warned "it is a sinful to approach them".
The father of one of the dead girls said that the school watchman even refused to open the gates to let the girls out.
"Lives could have been saved had they not been stopped by members of the Commission for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice," the Saudi Gazzette concluded.

My mind cannot grasp how anyone claiming to follow the word of Allah can possibly think that letting innocent schoolgirls die is preferable to them coming out with their heads uncovered.

Who knows how many vices we are promoting, how many people we are sending to their deaths by allowing ourselves to be herded into following somebody else’s interpretation of religion. An interpretation that doesn’t make any sense sometimes.

Cover your head. Don’t wear a skirt. Grow a beard. Trim your nails. Don’t befriend the opposite sex. Why? Why?!! Why THE FUCK ANY OF IT?

Whatever happened to any aspect of Islam that doesn’t boil down to sex and sexuality? Whatever happened to valuing life itself? Whatever happened to showing mercy and compassion helping those in need?

And that, my dears, is why I will never cover my head, why I will never give up my French manicures and why … when people tell me how a Muslimah should behave … I will ask them to shove it.

I am sure that the people responsible for the deaths of those schoolgirls have a special corner in hell reserved specially for them. And I am sure that they will have LOTS of company.

I just hope there’s a little broadcast system in heaven where everyone else can watch these self-righteous zealots rot in the misery of their misguided sense of virtue. :)

Too much to tell, not enough time to tell it in ...

2006-03-07T04:14:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been such a whirlwind with lots of things happening all one after the other and not even enough time to think about it, let alone blog about it.

Survivors of Air Blue (as described in one of my previous posts) will be please to know that we hosted a fellow survivor on her trip to The Land Of Four H’s (one of these days, I will tell you the story behind the christening of Dubai as such).

N. spent a few days with us and even though we didn’t get to see her a lot – what with me leaving for work at 7 am (when N. was sleeping) and coming back at 5 (at which time N. would be out doing whatever Londoners do in Dubailand.

We did however have some good times. I particularly cherish the memory of late night channel-surfing and making fun of sad Paki people trying to be cool on TV. Y’know, the whole ‘Awh Mai Gawd’ and ‘Haaaow Waanderfuul’ lot with their contrived accents and their fashion sense so off it wasn’t ever on any radar.

When you live with a boy, you sometimes miss girly chats. Not to say that my experience of living with my boy has been anything less than wonderful, but somehow, you can’t get a boy to get into a excited repartee about puffball skirts and dhoti shalwars and how we thought in the 80s we would die before we wore them and yet, today we die to wear them. *sigh*

I am such a fashion victim. (Which reminds me, I have not had a manicure/pedicure for over two weeks now!!!!) Naked, naked nails. Bad. Bad. BAD.

So, while N. was still here, I came home one day from work and upon the ringing of the doorbell, opened to door to find … OHMIGOD .. bhayya and bhabhi.

They had stopped by. LOL. Jet-setting family we are: on the way back to karachi from their honeymoon in iran, they decided to stop by Dubai to pay us a visit. Tee hee.

So they spent a few days with us where I knew not head from tail. I think I didn’t even properly see Arfiman for two whole days. He evening Bhayya and Bhabhi arrived, I went out with them and came home really late to find Arfiman asleep. I kissed him g’night and tucked myself in. The next morning, I left for work before he even got up and I went out with Bhayya Bhabhi straight from work and returned at home to find Arfiman sleeping AGAIN. Again I went to work in the morning before he woke up and when I saw him that night, it was like we were on a date. LOL. He kept making eyes at me *blush*

So that’s that. Crazy days with out-of-towners. I didn’t get a chance to say bye to N., but hey, I hear she might be making a move here permanently, so Yay :)

This past weekend, Arfiman and I also attended our first church wedding and it was so, so beautiful. You can’t blame me for going all teary-eyed, but J. looked so gorgeous in her off-white gown and her mum was positively beaming. After a lovely ceremony at the Jebel Ali Church, and a very amusing and yet insightful few words from The Father (of the church, and not of the bride/groom), we went off to the reception at the villa of a friend of the couple’s in Barsha.

It was obvious that this ceremony had more to do with sharing your special day with special people instead of like the typical desi shaadi where the shaadi is an opportunity to show exactly how many people you know OF. So doesn’t matter whether you’ve not seen the person for ten years, the shaadi is your chance to invite them and see them. Bull crap.

J and L’s wedding was a lovely, private affair with about 50 or so people. The reception was an early dinner followed by dancing.

You think that’s a full weekend? Wait till you hear what comes next.

BIG NEWS.

Not really mine to tell, so I’ll tell it as best as I can without stealing somebody else’s thunder.

Somebody is gonna HAVE A BABY!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Nine months of boated feet, stretch marks, raging hormones, clothes that don’t fit and ALWAYS being hungry. Un-uhn. The pitter patter of tiny feet and soft baby butt cheeks. Yum.

2006-02-22T01:32:00.000-08:00

Happy Budday

2006-02-21T23:46:00.000-08:00

For YOUR pleasure!

2006-02-21T21:04:00.000-08:00

So I go down to the 24-7 for my regular morning croissant and through the corner of my eye, I see a bunch of giggling teenagers looking at something through the corners of their eyes. Hmm. Giggling teenagers is nothing new considering I work in College Village, but giggling ABASHEDLY? Hmmm.

I turned to see what was so bashfully amusing. I was confronted by Magenta packaging. I LOVE magenta and I LOVE packaging. Specially in foil. Yay.

I gravitated towards the little boxes piled on top of each other next to the cash counter and the crowd sliced to give me way. They stared in slack-jawed awe. Why? Read on ...

I picked up on of the palm sized foil wrapped sachets and ... GASP ... haram haram, haza haram!

A device designed to maximize sexual pleasure being sold on a student campus!!! (Incase you couldn't read the type, it says: Durex Play Vibrations: Stimulation ring for him and her).

Now, much as I wanted to actually pick up one of the suckers, there were numerous issues at hand:

1. I possessed only the two dirhams fifty fils that would buy me a croissant.
2. I feared that if my merely approaching the display caused such furor among the teens, it might cause some serious coronary complications if I actually BOUGHT one of the buggers.

And last but not the least ...

3. What the hell is a sexual-pleasure device doing here?

I mean, the reason they have no shisha outlet in this section of the GleeZone is that there are 6000 young college students here, and the Ministry of Health doesn't allow smoking to under 18s.

Does the magenta display mean that the relevant Ministry/Authority condones sex between consenting college students?

Surely, Islamically speaking, when it comes to smoking and sex, the former is the lesser evil.

Oh my ... just when I begin to think I have gotten my head around this place, it totally does my head in!

Happy Budday

2006-02-14T02:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've been sitting here staring at this screen for the last forty minutes, trying to think of something nice to write for Arfiman's birthday tribute post, but surprise surprise! Queen Of Words BPC is at a loss for words! Wah wah, kya baat hai, buhut aala ...

I cannot think of a single think to write that I don't want ot immediately erase for the lameness of it (and I will now press the sumit button before i weasel out of this too) and maan lo that it's hard to do this kind of thing under itna saara pressure. matlab keh kya?

How the bloody hell do you pay tribute in a few lines to the person who your world revolves around? Someone who makes your heart skip a beat everytime you see them?

He Of The Mint Tea & Shisha, of MidNight Hugs and Driving With the Top Down.

He wanted he orange shoes from SPF that sold out by the time I got there to get them for him. What do i give him now? Anything you want baby, just ask ...

So, you're a year away from 30 today? :) LOL ... there are times when I swear you act a third of that.

Arfiman, don't ever lose your boyish charm. Don't ever stop spending horrific (according to some people) amounts on comics because 'they're just books' . You know I'll always spalsh water on them (don't keep them in the bathroom then!).

Don't ever stop that lip-chewing thing you do when you play PS2 for four hours non stop.

Don't ever become an Uncle-Husbaaaand.

I love you.

Happy Birthday My Love :)

Avocados and 50 gms butter

2006-02-13T04:30:00.000-08:00

"Do you like avocados?"

"Do we have 50 grams of butter at home?"

"What does tarragon look like?"

"What's vinaigrette dressing?"

I've been tackling these very pressing queries of the late. Arfiman - seeing as he has already bought me everything I want that money can buy, God Bless the darling creature - had taken it upon himself to cook me a three-course Valentine's dinner.

Till now, I know that it will contain lots of avocados, 50 gms butter, tarragon, vinaigrette dressing, two cloves pressed garlic, some salt and pepper and that - thankfully - it is a THREE course meal, so all of the above ingredients will not go into the same dish.

*whew*

But can you beleive that? Arfiman cooking a THREE COURSE MEAL? Heck, I've never done that.

And that's the equivalent of me ... umm ... well, can't really think of anything analogical, but let's just say that's like me playing on the PS2 for three hours straight .... doesn't happen everyday!

:)

Random conversation snippet:

2006-02-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

Abbas: dude that chick in your pic is hot. who is it?

BPC: it's your sister's 8th grade best friend (ie. ME!!)

Abbas: damn it. i shouldnt have water bombed her then!

BPC: wet paper towels it was dear boy. and yes, you shouldn't have

Abbas: oh well whats happenned has happened. must forget the past. when we meet again, you'll notice how i've perfected my methods and have switched to tarpine coated rocks. theyre more effective with girls!

You gotta love them big brothers of best friends! :)

Why? Why?!! Why?!!!!!

2006-02-07T02:25:00.000-08:00

In the comments section of my 'Down with the Danes' post, jimbob said...

"... no-one has given an adequate explaination of why that means that the Danish Government should apologise, or why Danish people and companies should be attacked ... the Danish newspaper has complete autonomy and should answer for its own actions. Go and protest outside its doors if you want, but don't bring everyone else into this ... What many Muslims are doing by broadly targeting Danes (as you do in your article) and even westerners as a whole, instead of just the newspaper, is to make the same mistake a few westerners made following the various al-Qaeda sponsored attacks. It was wrong to blame the entire Muslim faith for the actions of an extremist minority and threatened to escalate the matter into a war of words or worse ..."

You said it Jimbo!

Why is it so unfair that the entire nation of Danes should suffer the consequences of what a handful of Danes did, when it is totally acceptable that a WHOLE GLOBEFUL of muslims, make it a WHOLE RELIGION, be maligned because of a handful like Al Qaeda?

Why doesn't that Bloody Bastard (Bush) take it up with Al Qaeda instead of waging a War Against Terror? Why? Why? Why?

Furthermore ... why is it okay for people to die for the stupidest of reasons to this day (least of all, all the Palestinians killed by bloody Israel) and people don't give a shit: the same people who mourn the holocaust to this date and prosecute those who denythe holocaust or voice implication thereof? Why?!!! Why?!!!!! It was just ONE BLOODY INCIDENT AMONG THOUSANDS!!!! What merits it to be glorified as such? You want numbers? Go here: http://users.erols.com/mwhite28/warstat1.htm

Why glorify the holocaust? Why associate religious extremism only to Islam? Why should the US be the self proclaimed keeper of pease while it's the onle that wages the most wars? Why? Why?!! Why?!!!!!

There ARE no answers to these questions.

The early bird gets the worm and The Big Guy gets all the concessions.

In the end, 'history' is not what happened a long time ago ... it is merely the stroy as told by The Big Guy.

Umm Al Qawaining

2006-02-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

This weekend we went on the sissiest camping trip EVER! If Naz found out, she would DISOWN me.

Well, my rugged bones were craving sand in the hair and half-cooked chicken breast so even though this wasn’t the REAL thing, it will do for now.

It was TOTB weekend (don’t even ask: Ten of The Best – boy stuff ... all car racing and things) and we all decided to make a day of it.

The races were on Friday, with trial runs on the AutoX track on Thursday afternoon, so we decided to get there Thursday afternoon and camp out overnight for the races the next day.

So there we were, parked along the side of the road: a shiny row of shiny sports cars when it hit me: ohmigod, I’m an S2000 wife. LOL. In my shiny sunglasses, with my cropped pants – wondering why I got a new French manicure just last evening: I would DEFINITELY chip it on this trip (which, FYI, I did not).

Boys will be boys, so the owners of the two shiny red cars couldn’t sand wondering which red car was faster, so they HAD to race. I am sure it was so, so illegal what they did, but hell, they just drove REALLY FAST in a straight line. :)

And the Lumina won! Yay!!!

By the time EVERYONE got together we were already about four hours behind schedule so we decided we should drive really fast. Didn’t anybody tell these boys that not matter how fast you drive, you still can’t turn back time? These guys sure as hell tried. Man!! I think we got to UAQ in ten minutes!

Oh ho … now we were there so long that I don’t feel like putting the whole story down. To postulate:

1. It was a sissy camp because we had dinner cooked not by us over a bonfire, but by the TOTB caterers over proper grills. There was talk of sneaking some back to our camp, but thankfully that didn’t happen.

2. No matter how sissy the camp was, Y. made a HELLUVA bonfire. (which meant I could finally stop piling on the layers)

3. I had forgotten how it feels to pee-pee in the desert.

4. Even if I had remembered, this would be a first where I couldn’t see a foot infront of me for all the fog. I mean, at one point, there was so much fog that all we could see around our camp was our shadows from the bonfire ON THE FOG.

5.Thankgod for the fog … in the morning, I noticed that we were camped like two feet away from the fencing of the AutoX area. How outdoorsy! NOT!!!!! At least the fog kept the illusion of seclusion alive.

6. At one point, it was called to our attention by one of the organizers that one of our tents was happily rolling across the desert and sure enough, it was. It was FREE!

7. When they say ‘four people tent’, they mean ‘four kate moss sized people tent’. Thankfully, there were just three in ours.

8. Bonfire makes goooooooooood shisha coal.

9. BPC can sleep anywhere and through ANYTHING (LOL, you HAD to be there ...)

And I’m not gonna write anything about the races, seeing as that’s probably the only way to get Arfiman to update his blog.

Anyway, I got home knackered, with an only slightly chipped manicure and a pedicure perfectly intact (hurray for socks!).

Umm Al Quwaining

2006-02-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

Umm Al Quwaining II

2006-02-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

Down with the Danes

2006-01-30T22:25:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all Muslim brothers and sisters!!!!

It's not been a very pleasant start to the new year, what with the whole Danish cartoon fiasco. At least the whole ruckus has not been futile. According to 7 days, Danish companies suffered Dhs 200 million in lost sales in just one day due to boycott of Danish products.

And is it justified? I was quite ambivalent about it and even though I'm teetering on the side of 'yes, it is', the 'No,it's not' side still beckons: is any of this the fault of the owners of these brands? How are the employees of this company to balme? Why should they suffer (as the corporations will definitely pass the buck)?

But then I think, Yes, let them suffer ... it means more pressure on the government to apologize publicly. More reason for them to think twice before printing the cartoon (or something similar)again.

A poll reveals that majority of Danish citizens feel their government shouldn't apologise. Some say that's the way to go ... that it's not the government that published the cartoon, but the magazine. But then, has the magazine apologized?

Editor-in-chief Carsten Juste refused. “We live in a democracy," he says ."That’s why we can use all the journalistic methods we want to. Satire is accepted in this country, and you can make caricatures. Religion shouldn’t set any barriers on that sort of expression. This doesn’t mean that we wish to insult any Muslims.”

Cultural editor Flemming Rose concurred. “Religious feelings,” he observed, “cannot demand special treatment in a secular society. In a democracy one must from time to time accept criticism or becoming a laughingstock.”

Democracy my ass. Freedom-of-speech .... my $#@& ass!!!!!

What about BBC's Popetown: a controversial cartoon series that mocks the Pope and the Vatican, that was never aired following pressure from the Catholic Church?

BBC's own website reports on Spetemebr 23, 2004: (my notes in brackets)

"After much consideration, Stuart Murphy, Controller of BBC THREE, has taken the difficult decision not to transmit the animation series Popetown on editorial grounds.

The decision has been supported by Jana Bennett, Director of Television, and follows consultation with the Controller of Editorial Policy, Stephen Whittle and Head of Religion and Ethics, Alan Bookbinder.

Representations had also been made from various groups who feared from the basic premise of the comedy series, which is set in a fictional Vatican, that it would cause offence to practising Catholics. (well, at least the BBC has the head to rationalise on basis of what might or might not offend viewers)

Stuart Murphy said: "Popetown was a challenging project for BBC THREE to undertake.
"After a lot of consideration and consultation, balancing the creative risk with the potential offence to some parts of the audience, we have decided not to transmit the programme. (a consideration the Danes obviously lack)

"Despite all of the creative energy that has gone into this project and the best efforts of everyone involved, the comic impact of the delivered series does not outweigh the potential offence it will cause. (really Danes, was it worth it for you?)

"It has been an extremely difficult and complex decision to make. There is a fine judgement line in comedy between the scurrilously funny and the offensive. (HELLO .... Sanity calling Editor Juste)

"I knew when we developed the series that there was risk involved but unfortunately, once we saw the finished series, it became clear that the programme fell on the wrong side of that line."
Jana Bennett says: "I'm sorry that this programme will not be coming to the screen, but I think the decision is the right one."

So there you go. Where is bloody freedom of fucking speech when it comes to the Pope?

Please admit it, the West (and include any and all generalizations in that: the US, the EU, Christian, what have you) sees it fit to exercise these rules only in their own interests.

What makes the Pope better (or worthy of more consideration) than the Holy Prophet PBUH?

The Danish Government should apologize, as should the magazine and the creators of the cartoon.

I've put up a link to this entry in the comments section of a post on MediaWatchWatch.org.uk addressing this issue. Keep an eye on it if you are interested in viewing the obtuseness of the Gora Gadhas.

Gora Gadha Episodes

2006-01-29T05:07:00.000-08:00

And speaking of the obtuseness of Gora Gadhas, this whole thing - as well as my newfound passion for arguing my POV when it comes to religion - just reminds me of a very bitter experience with a very 'once-upon-a-time' dear friend whom we shall merely call The Spaniard.

I was spending a few weeks in Greece on self-assigned work in my freelancing days a few years back. As soon as I landed in Athens, I had a lunch date with The Spaniard in fashionable Kolonaki which is hellishly far from the airport.

Already pissed off in general because getting to Kolnaki was neither easy nor cheap , I warned him that I might rush through lunch because I didn't want to miss my Zuhr ki namaaz.

Well, as they say bander kya janey adrak ka swaad ... he insisted on arguing the neccessity of namaaz with me and those were the days when I used to believe that when it comes to religion, it's best not to argue (a part of me still believes that, BTW).

So, during the whole duration of my stay in Athens, whenever we'd be together, there would inevitably be endless uneasy, tension-filled silences that followed stupid, meaningless questions like 'do you really want to go to a heaven created by a god who won't let you in unless you bow infront of him five times a day for the rest of your life?' .

The Spaniard couldn't understand why the slab of parma ham on his kitchen counter wasn't something he could convince me to eat. He couldn't understand why I had to eat Tuna and spaghetti in olive oil when in his house (the only 'safe' foods I spied in his pantry). Why I had to go to another room every so often to say my namaaz.

I mean, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

I wish back then I'd had the guts to argue but back then, I didn't and I just couldn't understand why The Spaniard had a problem letting me be.

And it's true of all Gora Gadhas ... why can't they just let things be? Why can't they 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'?

When they refuse to eat anything except vegetables, they become Vegetarians with understandable concern for animals. When we refuse to eat pork, we become superstitious, backward pagans.

When they object to religious mockery, they become upholders of theological virtue and sensibilties. When we do it, we become religious fanatics and challengers of Freedom Of Speech.
Needless to say, my Athens trip was spent trying to avoid The Spaniard as much as I could and what was a lovely friendship from a distance became an ugly clash of cultures in real life.

However, in all fairness, I must point out that paanchon unglyan baraber nahi hoteen.

I remember having long (and pleasant) discussions on Islam with a certain Golden Boy under the French sky, at the foot of the Eiffel Tower. He was from the States and admitted that meeting me backpacking in Paris changed his view of Muslim women.

I also remember some days spent in a London hostel that looked right out of Blade Runner (it was housed in a what was supposedly formerly a police station). There was Jeff (who I had met earlier at Victoria Station on the way back from Paris) who was so enthralled by the concept of namaz that he asked if he could join me.

A Christian boy experiencing the serenity brought by namaaz that makes me say it regularly. Leading him through chaar rikaat farz. When we finished, he was so overwhelmed. I just looked across at him salaam pherney kay baad and as I smiled at hime while silently mouthing Ayat Ul Kursi, he smiled back. SubhanAllah.

I have to tell you, I don't know if the first (and perhaps only) namaaz of Jeff's life was qabooled by the Big Guy Upstairs, but it was certainly something to warm the heart.

Now THAT was a silence that certainly wasn't uneasy, nor tension-filled and unpleasant :)

White Flag

2006-01-25T21:11:00.000-08:00

I am strongly opposed to the neo-conservative war agenda - and believe in the urgent necessity of a left-right anti-war coalition. The choice facing us is stark: More Shock and Awe- against Syria, Iran or Belarus, or any other country which refuses to pay Danegeld to The Empire- or lasting peace and security- based on respect for the sovereignty of nations. It's time to make our stand. On domestic issues I support renationalisation of the railways and public utilities, a new top rate of income tax on the very wealthy, free care for the elderly, a free National Health Service including the restoration of NHS dentistry, protection of the Green Belt and the countryside, and the restoration of capital punishment.

You must have realised by now that none of what I wrote above is actually my thoughts. Heh. It's somerandombody's profile from the Big World of Blog. I actually do agree with the first two sentences and planned to compose a post based on that, but who am I kidding?

We needed a post to stop the war going on in my 'comments' section on the Fawara post.

So guys , chill.

A note to all you anonymous dudes (or dudettes): if you can't say it with a face or name, don't say it at all. Opinions don't count if the perosn behind them feels the need to hide. At least I have faith enough in my opinion to put it up in public for all to see that it's MY opinion.

Also ... regardless of any 'hate' comments I get, I will continue to write what I feel because it's my blog.

Get it? It's MY BLOG ... not a document created anticipating it's future historical value, or one to be judged on merit of it's level/angle of social commentary.

PEACE